To be a bit annoyed to be told to ‘be the parent’?

Exactly. I’m all in favour of insisting that toddlers go in pushchairs - but when necessary. Why on earth would you battle over it when it’s not essential and no one is enjoying it?

Your friend needs to learn some manners, in my opinion. I would only ever have criticised someone else’s parenting if I thought the child was at risk.

"Be the parent" is for enforcing essential but disliked activities. I clean my 2yo DDs teeth even when she cries and protests because it needs to be done. If I needed to be somewhere with her on time, she goes in the pushchair even if she's kicking off. It's not for dragging a child to an event none of you will enjoy.

100% agree with this.
You ARE “being the parent” by not going to something which would cause a situation that you’d just find stressful and not remotely enjoyable.
Your lovely “friend” (and I use quotation marks because she’s being a holier than thou arse) needs to keep her neb out and just accept you said no.

My DS was THE most chilled kid ever when he was young (nothing to do with me or my parenting, that’s just who he is a person) he was an absolute dream in pretty much any scenario. But there was a brief period in time when he became satans spawn if I tried to put him in the buggy. Yet if I let him walk with reins, he’d throw himself on the floor and do that wriggly, limp thing they do when they don’t want you to pick them up 🤣

Your DC is going through a phase, ride it out in the most stress free way you can and tell your friend to mind her flipping business!

I used to take my two around central london in a double buggy and with a couple of slings. I had a 14 month gap and it was through all ages and stages. We had reins for the older one and a bigger sling so I could side carry without complaint, and a carry cot attachment for when the baby needed to sleep (kangasling if she needed to be held)

I have to admit I found it easy but I am a “just get the shit done” person. I would let them walk or carry them if that helped to get the shit done. The pushchair isn’t the only way. I remember my middle one was so strong he stood up to walk with the umbrella buggy on his back like a rucksack!!!

But if it’s something entirely pointless that no one will enjoy then I am with you, it’s a waste. Do something else you will enjoy!

I think you made a good decision, OP.

I was very much a parent who never gave in when they were toddlers. My kids did learn that whinging got them nowhere, but I regret it. In hindsight, I think giving in some of the time helps teach persistence and makes childhood more enjoyable and more productive for kids and parents. Wise decision making is rarely formulaic, though it can be comforting to have something very straightforward to cling to in those sleep deprived years!

I still remember the feeling of horror on a French motorway looking in the rear view mirror and seeing 17month old ds climbing out of his rear facing car seat as he’d worked out how to undo it. (Ds is now 14.)

Some kids hate pushchairs and car seats. And while you have to make them stay in the pushchair for a lot of situations, (which means they then have a shit time,) if the whole point of this event is your dd has fun not you, they why waste your money?

“being the parent” includes thinking about the child you have, not the one your friends think you should have, and planning which family/child focussed things you do based on what they will actually enjoy, not what other people’s kids will enjoy. If your child won’t enjoy the event because they will have to stay in the pushchair, (and its not the sort of thing you’d book a babysitter and go without dc) then why bother?

I'd be irritated too OP. Best to smile politely and let it wash over you.
We all have to parent the children we have. Some toddlers love being in push chairs, most don't mind, some HATE it. If she wants her relationship with her with her own kids to be a power battle for dominance, that's her lookout.

Yes, 😆; I don't understand all this 'Boss' talk about your children, your sweet little toddlers aren't your adversaries. Besides, if you go with her, your friend will be judging you the whole time- how fun!

I have teens, one late teen and he was like that with the buggy, he was a gorgeous, funny, little toddler boy and he's a calm, respectful young man so in my mind listen to your own instincts on this.

Unless this is triplets, it is not the same situation at all. And I think I would sit you in the Smug Corner with the OP’s friend who made the patronising comment. You’d be well suited.

This is just a feature of having a baby or toddler though.

Mine went through a stage of refusing to sit in a high chair and wanting to run away all the time - so it was high chair and screaming and crying, or you’d let them out and they’d just want to run off. Probably about 18 months old too.

For a couple of months, it meant we avoided restaurants and so on, as it was just too difficult and not enjoyable for anyone. They were too small to reason with, discipline etc.

Now, they have moved past that stage and are fine.

But the 18month old won't know that going out was an option, therefore no decision making by them!

Id consider - is the gain worth the loss?

so will you get more out of being at the event than you will lose by spending time getting her in to the pushchair? Does the outcome outweigh the inconvenience.

If it does, YABU because sometimes you have to do hard things for long term gain. If not then YANBU because what’s the point. And be honest with yourself here, think of the gain to your child, not just the gain to you. You’d be doing her a disservice to not take her if she would actually benefit from it, just because it’s effort to you. You don’t have to go to everything but sometimes it’s worth it.

@TheHeadOfTheHouse I simply don't agree. It's so dependent on a child's personality.

I have one who was/ is very easy going and accepts no is no without a fuss and another who would just doesn't without pushing every barrier to find the weak link in the no!

I actually think it's a good personality trait to a certain extent, not to just accept something without thinking it through, although massively annoying as a parent.

This. Not every event is suitable/enjoyable for every age of DC.

Going in the pushchair isn't some holy grail of parenting. Give it a year or so and everyone will be emphasising how important it is for DC to be walking and NOT using the pushchair.

I had one who refused the pushchair from when he could walk and one who would still go in it (age nearly 4) if she could!

YANBU, sounds like it would be an awful experience all round.

Different if you had older children who'd been every other year - in that case I'd be saying woman up (or even better get a babysitter ) as the toddler's of choice this week shouldn't affect them.

It's not like anyone needs to go to a Christmas market (or whatever).

Just curious as to what sort of kids/family day requires a toddler to be stuck in a pushchair for so long?

Part of being a parent is that you are gonna miss out on things, and the ealier you make peace with it the better.

Is it an event you'd only go to because you have a child or would you go anyway? If the latter I'd be strapping her in and getting on with it with a bit of time carrying but not all of it. Sometimes children have to go to places they might not want to.

If it's something entirely aimed at children that you wouldn't otherwise go to then skip it.

She sounds like Miss Trunchball .

This.

Your 18 month old isn't deciding you aren't going after you've booked it.

You've decided as the adult it's not worth your stress because she won't enjoy it and you don't want to spend half of it fighting her into the chair or ignoring her screams to get out!

She knows nothing about it!

Why on earth is it in anyone's interests to force an unhappy small child to an event? It would be miserable for everyone around you to have to put up with the noise and you can hardly have a nice time there. Is she also the type that regrets not being allowed to beat them into submission any more too?

My 19 month old is exactly the same. I often find that this sort of thing is said by people without children or older people who have forgotten what it's like! You definitely need to pick your battles and I would do the same as you.