To be a bit annoyed to be told to ‘be the parent’?

Yanbu. Sometimes, absolutely, you need to ‘be the parent’ when there’s no choice eg school run for older sibling and they need to go in the buggy for you to get there on time. For an optional event that’s intended for children/families then yanbu for giving it a miss - your toddler wouldn’t be happy being in the buggy so wouldn’t enjoy it and you wouldn’t enjoy it due to your toddler whining, so why bother?

She sounds rude. Ds1 used to scream and bang his head on the side of the pushchair whenever he sat in it. I used to be mortified going out in public when it happened, especially as he was huge and looked older than his age! Screamed in the high chair and car seat since he was a newborn. Used to throw himself on the floor whenever I tried to put his reigns on him. When he turned 2 1/2 he suddenly stopped having tantrums and has been placid ever since. Happily holds my hand when walking.
My youngest is the complete opposite. Will happily sit in his pushchair and car seat without any crying.

How rude! You were being the parent. You were weighing up the pleasure your DD would get from the event against her displeasure at the pushchair and making a parental decision. Your friend has her nose out of joint because your decision doesn't suit her preference for you to go. But that's not a lack of parenting on your part so she was completely out of order.

Sometimes good parenting is bailing on a bad situation.

You are "being the parent" by weighing up whether or not this event is worth it for your dd and yourself. Tell her to "be the friend" by respecting boundaries and refraining from behaving like a selfish arse.

It's perfectly sensible to avoid going to some places due to the behaviour of your children. Mine won't be going for afternoon tea at Claridge's any time soon. I could strap them into buggies but the older one is a bit big at 7 and I'd have to gag them as well.

Yes absolutely this @PotteryOne. Some events just aren't suitable for one reason or another and if it's an optional event then it's sensible to decide it just won't work for your family.

I wish the annoying parents of a toddler in the cinema last weekend had taken that view, rather than having either a wailing toddler being forced into their seat or a shrieking toddler actually running around at the front of the screen. Both options annoying for everyone else and very little evidence of parenting being undertaken!

But the friend was specifically saying that the child would have to go in the pushchair for this event , and that’s what OP is disagreeing with. So you’re not really agreeing with the friend surely?

Ah I missed this, sorry. All children are different, aren’t they.

Not worth the battle of wills, ime. A children's event that an 18 month old likely won't appreciate as much as it will be a pain for you to endure with DD wanting out in such a busy place; doesn't sound like much fun for for either of you at this age DD is in.
Just leave it, I would. Forget what your friend's said, let her go and have a good time, maybe next year or the year after for maximum fun for both of you and your DD?

Who’d have thought such an innocent post would trigger so many self righteous mums. Do they think they all deserve awards for having kids who were happy to be strapped motionless into a buggy?? 🤣🤣
I didn’t realise that ALL children were absolutely identical to one another rather than individuals, and their personalities are the fault of parenting and not just them being themselves with their own dislikes and preferences 🤣

I am with you in theory but I also wonder why you can’t let the toddler walk. Why would you keep them in the pushchair the whole time? think previous posters have just been trying to give you suggestions to make it easier.

Empathise not emphasise

It’s not as though the OP doesn’t use the push chair when she needs to, she’s said sometimes her DD has to go in it. Just that things with a push chair aren’t things her DD enjoys, so why go if the point of going is to enjoy it?

Surely your DC’s enjoyment should dictate what things you do for their enjoyment?

Sometimes you need to lose a battle to win the war. Some things just aren't worth fighting with a toddler over. Have you thought of a compromise of maybe one of these:

https://www.boots.com/kinderkraft-aston-trikerose-pink-10337553?cm_mmc=bmm-buk-google-ppc--PLAs_HeroCompare---_-pmax_mother%26baby__gg_shopping__hc-top250___pmedia&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI3dr9gdiBigMVA5VQBh3v-y5iEAQYBSABEgIyoPD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Yes you can be the parent and force your child into situations that they don't like - and most parents do (eg car seats). But I'm with you - 'being the parent' in this case is possible but not fun for anyone so why bother. Pushing a toddler about who is purple faced from screaming, is not enjoyable for them, you, or your friend.

She doesn't need any. All primary teachers are experts on all children. Do keep up!!

Sister was one. Lectured me about my children and vaunted her vast knowledge. I said, ,"you don't have to take them home with you!" She had a long list of all the things her kids wouldn't be doing.... How I laughed when they did!!

Haha brings it all back. I remember my 18 month old arching his back and flopping about shrieking as I was in a hurry to go to the childminders before work 40 years ago.
Bloody devils trying to contain them at that age.
They soon grow out of it. Just do your own thing and ignore what anyone else says.

Excuse me, but can you actually point out where the OP stated she was incapable of getting her child into a pushchair, because I haven't seen that??

Does the friend have children? 🤔

Dear god, how is an 18 month old going to "benefit" from some community event.

@givemeaminuteplease I thought this was an 'only child' situation. Would your older child not like to go?

This

I’m fairly in a ‘be the parent’ camp generally, but I remember DS being an absolute nightmare for a short period. Many a stressful experience forcing him into a pushchair when he needed to be in one. I don’t think you are letting DD dictate, you just know it’ll be a nightmare and no fun. YABU.

What ridiculous hyperbole 😂 I was one of those parents who adapted our activities where possible to suit our kids. We are front of the queue at school for DS1 everyday and the teachers and his childminder have nothing but brilliant things to say about him. My cousin on the other hand wouldn’t give her kids an inch through fear of losing control, and now they are so sneaky behind her back despite being ‘good kids’ on the surface!