Inheritance dispute with husband

Also OP you really aren't going to get much worth having flat wise with £80k and this will then likely need work? Where's that money coming from if you've used it up buying somewhere? His suggestions are all in his favour

He's not 'logistics', he is self invested. 'Beholden to you' wow....I don't think I could have let that remark go...

@icantwaitforsummer I'd take legal advice to secure your inheritance. He doesn't want to be a team. It would be a shame for your loved ones to leave you money to secure your future and for you not to have the benefit of that money.

Me too….i find marriages with unshared finances very strange.

In your position, I’d put the rental income into an account to cover repairs/void periods and associated expenses. The 80k either into a stocks and shares ISA or a pension (or split between the two). I wouldn’t buy an investment property as frankly I suspect the tax implications would outweigh the benefits, and I wouldn’t put it into the mortgage for the reasons outlined above. Treat it as provision for your children and retirement, and not for now.

You’re not really listening to what we’re saying. There is no ‘arghhh’. You are being treated like a fool. The ‘I’m feelings and he’s logistics’ nonsense is the sort of trite rubbish that men have been using to control women for years. There’s nothing logical about his position.

I will repeat the question that has been asked a dozen times. As your money isn’t pooled, and he gets to have more spending money than you, why does he feel entitled to a share (or benefit from) your inheritance? Why is he entitled to your money when you’re not entitled to an equal share of his?

He isn't willing to compromise so keep it all separate, he wants to solely benefit from YOUR inheritance and the fact you haven't worked for it means nothing, you have lost much loved people for it which imo is much harder.

Just because you feel conflicted about the inheritance ( you would prefer your people back I know ) they would want you to make the best of it for yourself, don't capitulate because of your feelings.
His argument is also based on feelings btw, he certainly has feelings about what would benefit him the most, and feelings are equally important to consider as logic is.

He appears to be working on the old hippy philosophy of 'what's yours is mine, and what's mine is mine'

It is grabby. What yours is his and what's his is his. Have you considered putting a lump of money into a junior isa account for your child. That way no one can touch it and you've secured something for your child's future.

If all your finances aren't shared then why on earth are you giving him ANY of your inheritance?

I don't really understand why people bother getting married in this case, if you aren't a complete partnership then just live together instead? Rather than getting a legal contract that requires you to share everything anyway.

He doesn't see you as a team. He wants to keep his surplus and benefit from your surplus. The comment about him "earning" it and you not when both of you work full time and are married is telling.

Do you have children? If not think carefully before doing so with a man who doesn't see you as a team. Also ring fence that inheritance for the time being.

I haven't read all the replies so it might already have been mentioned, but in the UK inheritance is not normally considered marital assets so if you do put it towards paying off your mortgage you have to make sure that you write up an agreement saying that your inheritance is protected in the event of a divorce.

Either way, the £300/month I wouldn't touch until you have a considerable amount saved. If the boiler needs replacing or you need to tank it or buy new white goods you need a considerable buffer.

I think you should keep the inheritance yourself, it's not his money. His attitude is also quite shit. He doesn't want nice things for you, just for himself.

I agree with this.

Well fuck that.
If what's his is his then what's yours is yours.

Funny how inheritance is fair game when it's yours.
I bet you anything if it was his he'd be holding on tight.

Don't let him take the piss.

Either everything is shared or nothing is.

So you’ve been splitting expenses on the basis of percentage of how much you bring in - which isn’t a particularly unfair way of doing things if you both have the same freedom to pursue careers. You need to recalculate the percentage but unless he’s refused to do that lately because he wants to keep more money to himself, that’s just the reality of not staying totally on the ball with it. Often happens. Doesn’t mean there is anything manipulative going on.

However, you also have children and that frequently puts women on the back foot when it comes to careers - has that happened with you two? Have you stayed in less well paying work in order to be anvailable for DC because he won’t? Or because you’ve both decided it would be best for you as a family?

If not then you should probably invest the inheritance and adjust what you pay towards bills to take income from those investments into account (after you’ve bolstered your pension). His attempt to make your inheritance money less “yours” than his earnings are “his” is very self-serving - don’t go along with it.

If you’ve taken a hit to your earning potential because you’ve taken on more of the domestic role then I think you should keep back a significant amount of the inheritance for yourself as compensation for the money he’s been keeping back from his earnings for himself.

From what you’ve posted, he doesn’t sound generous financially. So don’t go along with his suggestions for an easy life now, when you’re older he is unlikely to suddenly become generous. You need to make sure you aren’t being shortchanged. Take the 80k you had intended sharing off the table and look at everything again. Make sure you’re financially secure and your positions become more equal. Consider whether he would be making your life better if he came into more money.

No, you’re not being unreasonable. Any money you make from rent is classed as extra earnings. He’s not using his excess income to overpay so why should you? He’s being very unfair. You need individual security as well as joint security. If you got made redundant or needed to retire early for health reasons, would he then give you his excess earnings to replace the 300? Probably not no.

£300 per month is not a huge profit from a rental. I would save that so if the service charge is bigger one year or the boiler goes bang or you need to repair or replace something then you have funds.

This. Being a landlord comes with financial responsibilities - you don't just sit back and coin in the money each month. You'll need to pay for things, some of which will cost thousands of pounds (new boiler, building repairs etc).

Invest the inheritances for your income and increase your payment into the joint account to maintain the same percentage of your total income being paid in each month.

Be aware that being a part-time amateur landlord with only one property in the portfolio is not straightforward and comes with liabilities as well as income. It might be easier and less hassle in the long run to sell the rental property and invest the cash for income.

So his extra cash he just spends on whatever. Your extra cash that you actually want to save , instead has to go in the family pot and be used on the mortgage.

Tell him to lead by example. He can overpay the mortgage this year and you'll do it next.

Anywho, you definitely need to build contingency pot for the flat- our rental needs a new boiler but new regs mean it needs to move, use cherry picker etc. Will be £4.5k. Between tenants we always repaint/ sometimes replace or refinish floors so spend £1k. I'd prioritise saving cash for the flat for a bit.

Personally I find separate money in a relationship with children absolutely baffling and rather odd. What kind of team splits and hoards supplies?

There are ways of keeping your inheritance separate so it is not treated as marital assets. Maybe you'd be better to discuss this with a solicitor. I have no issue being all in with someone who's all in with you but unfortunately that doesn't seem the case in this matter. Maybe you need to reconsider mixing your inheritance into the family pot entirely.

My H has agreed to sign a post nup when I receive my inheritance until then it won't be co mingled with our joint money. It's a significant amount.

Will he also be able to retire/semi-retire in 10 years? If he saved/invested more of his extra free cash would he be able to?

If the £300 a month means you being able to drop hours in 10 years but he would still need to be working full-time to pay the bills then I do think there may be a compromise needed somewhere. But if he would also be able to do the same (or would if he didn't spend "his" extra money) then I would see the £300 as just rebalanced things between you.

Does he have higher savings/pension?

Nailed it.

This 100%

Who does the majority of the domestic chores OP?