Inheritance dispute with husband

Ask him how much he has in savings (if you don't already know) and say you'll match it as a contribution to paying off the mortgage. I think his attitude towards your inheritance is awful.

They both wouldn’t pay 90%
higher earner pays 70% of salary, lower earner pays 30% of their salary (or whatever percentages make it fair) leaving them both similar amounts in personal accounts

Yes I think I’d do that too. Especially if you already rent out one flat. It wouldn’t clear my mortgage but would almost so repayments would be so much smaller.

So how much has he managed to save into his personal savings ...
Surely this is relevant ?

How does using percentages leave the same amount of money in the bank account each month? For example, if they both pay 90% into joint account and keep 10% of their wages then the higher earner will keep more back?

The money going into the joint doesn't have to be an exact amount to pay the bills either. If they both said they would keep back the same each month and the rest goes in the joint then the joint account is used to pay the bills and any money left goes into savings. Not complicated.

I'm feelings, he is logistics, and we went round and round and round last night and now I don't know what's right. I seem selfish not sharing it all freely, he seems grabby. Arghhhh

You aren’t any less logistics or more feeling than him. Don’t let yourself fall into the idea that he is somehow more “head” and you are more “heart” because lots of women end up following someone else’s lead on finance because they are lead to believe they are being less logical.

His desire not to be “beholden” to you is at least as much about feeling as your desire to see him making a “sacrifice” like you. Your interest in investing, increasing payments on the mortgage, and increasing your own spending money is at least as much logistics as his interest in getting a fixer-upper and in increasing his own spending money by having you pay more into the family pot.

My DH and I keep our finances separate, but I know he would give me his last penny (and he has in the past) if I needed it.

The couples that I know who share finances successfully do this: all money goes into a shared account and they each take out an equal amount of spending money for their personal accounts each month. It doesn't matter who earns more. They both get the same.

Your husband wants to have his cake and eat it. Separate when it's in his favour and pooled when it's in his favour. This is not how effective partnerships work.

This.
he is being cheeky.

So your DH, who has dictated finances over the years to ensure he has more disposable income than you, now wants you to use your inheritance to not only benefit him equally in terms of investments but also to ensure he gets even more disposable income monthly? Make sure your inheritance is protected and works for you, OP, because this is not a generous, loving man who wants the best for you, he never has. The pension is a great idea. Or, he can make up the difference in disposable incomes over the years, pay it over to you in one lump sum and THEN you can share you inheritance. He only got to earn well because he had a wife at home making sure he could concentrate only on work while she kept every other plate up in the air.

How much are you both paying into the joint pot by way of percentage? If he has been paying 70% and you 30%, I can see more where he is coming from

sounds like it’s all got very messy and complicated with separate finances but sharing proceeds etc but really there’s two options- you continue with separate finances and the inheritance is yours, or all finances are joint- all wages to joint account and all expenses and finances are shared. There’s no middle ground. When my dh came into money it went on the mortgage, but every penny we earn and spend goes into and comes out of one joint account so it’s all shared

I think his main issue is he’s losing the financial power he had over you & he doesn’t like it. He has always been perfectly happy to have more disposable income than you & didn’t see it unfair, so he has no claim on your inheritance. If you’d always pooled everything & always took exactly the same amount each out of the pool for yourselves, then I’d say inheritances (or the income from them) should be pooled too. If you both pay the same % of your wages into the pool & your amount is less due to less income, then you should pay that % from the £300 too as that’s now an extra income to you.

In your position, I’d invest the £80k (in your name) that can be used for DC in future if needed. Count the £300 as your income & increase your pension contributions to secure your own retirement. Pay the extra % into the pool If from that pool there’s now enough to overpay the mortgage & you both want to do that, then go ahead. But prioritise any other (higher interest) debts first. If you have always contributed exactly the same amount of £ into the pool, despite earning less, then congratulations, you now have more disposable income. Stand firm & don’t let him suddenly take over your new income & remind him you were never allowed access to his extra disposable income.

Dont blame the inheritance for his selfish attitude. The inheritance has just highlighted it. If you’d got a massive bonus at work, it would have been that that highlighted it.

Enjoy the security the inheritance has given you. (& ring fence it in case this selfish attitude is just the tip of the iceberg)

Relieved you've ruled out the flat "project". Far more likely to lose on this than win unless he is a builder with actual contacts in tradespeople and actual knowledge of cost of materials. Too many people have believed a diet of TV property porn rubbish where they show "profit" on projects without all of the actual costs, loss of interest if the cash was invested elsewhere, let alone the dreadful stress most non-professionals experience in a "fixer up" project. Any of these reruns on the TV from pre pandemic should have red warnings emblazoned across the screen IMO as costs of materials and trades are as much as 4x more now.

His suggestion to do this does not reflect well on his financial acuity so don't be taking advice from him!
Plus, as you have decided to become a Landlord, as a p.p. pointed out, your first priority is to build a substantial "sinking fund" that's accessible for any future work the flat needs (is it leasehold?).

Why don't you agree on £150 each to pay off £300/month from the mortgage?

I'm afraid I think you have a massively unequal unhealthy relationship op.

The fact that he can just state awful things and you passively are confused by what to do is very telling.

I can't remember your exact words up thread but it was something like 'he says he works hard so should get all of his extra money.' I'm sorry op but that is an awful thing for him to say. Nasty. Cruel. Selfish. Implication being 'harder than you'. He can work longer hours because you are doing the extra childcare so that money is joint money!!! You should have hit the roof with that remark. The fact that you didn't, suggests that you are in some way scared of him, scared of upsetting him or something. Because it is objectively an awful comment to blithely throw in.

You say you wish you hadn't got this money because it's causing problems. You could think of that another way. This money is showing you who your husband is. And what he is should have you thinking about spending your money on a solicitor.

It doesn't matter if he has paid more if he has still kept more money back each month from his wages than OP has. Money is either shared equally or it is not.

Whether it makes sense to pay interest on the mortgage versus keeping money in the bank would depend on the interest rates of the mortgage versus the bank account.

Why does he have month disposable income left at the end of the month?

That doesn't seem very equal.

He can't expect equality now when he didn't provide it in the past.

A renovation project could end up being a money pit, especially if you haven't done that type of thing before.

I think doing as much as you can to fund your pension to bring it up to closer to his is the best idea. Let's be honest if he doesn't share his salary and extra money now, he isn't going to spare his pension in future.

Have you told him that amount, maybe you should tell.him a lesser figure and hive off £10k running away money in your personal name somewhere private.

By using percentages they work out the amount they need to pay in each month that leaves them both with the same amount of money in their individual accounts. If they both just kept a certain amount in their personal accounts they’d still need to work out total cost off household bills and work out a fair split. They could do it either way I just suggested percentages because that’s what OP said they already do

It does work like that.

People don't actually become one person on marriage. They remain individual human beings. The OP is the one who inherited and as long as that inheritance is kept separate and doesn't become a marital asset - as it may well do if it's spent on a doer-upper in join names with her DH - then it is normally excluded from financial arrangements on divorce.

@icantwaitforsummer Right so all of a sudden it’s ‘our’ money is it? He can fuck right off.

Ask him why he's not been paying g his extra income to overpay tve mortgage. He's a self centred knob.

Would gift it her now

He didn't want to share his extra income but now you have more he wants to share that. Mmmm, let's think about it ...

That feels so selfish though, like I've got this big pot of money and I'm not sharing it, just the proceeds/interest. Don't think I could sleep at night!

In the years you’ve been married and he’s been getting more than you at the end of each month - if you added that up and adjusted for inflation, how much would it be? And is it fair that he’s had that to himself and not shared it with you?

Also, you shouldn’t be sharing all the interest. You need to reinvest some so it grows and keeps up with inflation.

Have you been sharing expenses / mortgage evenly all this time or has he being paying more?
regardless it does not make sense to be being interest on a mortgage to have the money sat in the bank