Inheritance dispute with husband

But this is still pooling finances and not at all like the OP’s situation. Sure, once everything is paid from
the joint pot then spit what is left to spend/save so with what you will.

So, for years, he's had more money to himself every month, and you've done more childcare than him?

If he wants to do things fairly, he needs to pay you for half of the extra childcare that you did (market rates obviously) and also give you half of the extra money that he had. What does that come to? Factor that amount in when you're discussing what to do going forward. But remember that he never wanted to do things fairly, and keep all your inheritance.

That feels so selfish though, like I've got this big pot of money and I'm not sharing it, just the proceeds/interest. Don't think I could sleep at night!

how much is in his pension pot and how much is in your pension pot - does he sleep at night if he has 5/6/x more than you in his pot?

Why is it selfish to keep the money you have been left, in your mind? Its not selfish to keep your own money, he has done that same things for years and its not selfish is it? He and you have both put in a percentage

Thing is the flat sounds like a non started if he is not there to do it up and the other flat is rented out for £17 more than you'd earn in interest per month without the work

My solution would be to consider all money coming is as joint, both your salaries, the inheritance and the rental income, but also to each have the same monthly amount for personal spends.
He can’t insist he has more for his personal spends as he earns more but at the same time say that your inheritance should be shared equally. At the same time, you can’t argue that the rental income is yours only when he contributes more monthly.

Stop worrying about "doing it fairly." Has he been worried about "fairness" all these years?

I know everyone thinks "it won't happen to me" but it does happen to a lot of people - the unexpected end of a marriage. You aren't going to have any further windfalls like this in your lifetime. Preserve it for your own security at all costs. If he tried to fight you for it, well, that's a poor reflection on his character and ought to give you pause for thought. Will he take good care of you in your old age?

You will KICK yourself if you squander it and are left with nothing.

That sounds fair what you said though just using the interest and rental income. The 80k was left to you so it’s not selfish to just sit on it for a while. I’m sure it will be shared eventually on some expenses that benefit you both but there’s no rush to share the money or spend it

Same spends for each of you each month after income.

That is sharing finances equally @CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo

That's what people mean. Pay the bills, pay the kids stuff, split the rest 50/50.

That would be the fair way and isn't what the op and her husband have been doing.

They've been doing - pay the bills, then he keeps more.

Don't share any with your husband - it's YOUR money. If he's going to be pissy you could use a portion for mortgage overpayment, maybe pay for a fancy holiday for your DH and children, and invest the rest as you see fit.

you'd get a better return on your money if you invested it properly like in a vanguard index. I'd suggest consulting a financial advisor.

invested funds can fluctuate, so it would be difficult to accurately estimate the income from it. Does he have savings that he shares the income from?

Honestly please stop feeling bad about putting yourself first with your money, for at least as long as he is putting himself first with his.

We have yours, mine and ours finances - everything goes into the 'ours' joint account, and after bills and savings are deducted, what's left is split equally and goes into our individual accounts. DH is a spender, I'm a saver. If we didn't split the surplus into personal accounts, DH might very well spend the lot! Why should I lose out because some people don't understand the concept of personal money?

"Both me and my husband work full time, he earns more than me and has more free cash at the end of every month."
Sound to me as if his attitude to money is

What's his is his, and what's yours is his as well.

You need to have a good hard talk about how BOTH of you proceed. He needs to stop being a selfish git who for years has taken for granted that he can splash the cash more than you can. Sounds to me that his ego wants you to sty poorer than he is. Horrible attitude!

To compare - both our incomes go into our joint account. Standing orders transfer the SAME amount of 'fun money' to our personal accounts to do with as we wish. Doesn't matter who earns more, neither of us has more "free cash" than the other.

How about using the £80k to offset against your current mortgage to save you paying interest on the mortgage? It could be in an account in your name, but offsetting against the joint mortgage. That way you're helping with the mortgage but not giving up your money.

Do NOT share the inheritance. Ringfence it all in accounts in your name only while you digest the situation and recover from bereavement.

Once you mingle it, he will have a claim on it should you divorce. He's been holidng back his own funds to benefit himself, and not sharing equally; why should you benefit him to a great degree with your family's money?

You should be putting it all in a pension pot for your own future security, not for him or the kids. Women need to learn this.

In my view you are worrying about being fair to him.
Yet he is not fair in return - he is keeping his higher salary, and want's some of your money.

If you were a couple who shared everything, then it is shared and that is the end of it. But you are not - you have your own monies, and so both of you are entitled to keep any inheritance which comes your way.

Having been a landlord for 15 years, I am glad to be out of it a couple of years ago. In my experience it is much easier, and nearly as profitable, to just overpay mortgage, max out ISA's each year, stuff a pension in balance with each other, as much as you can afford . That gets you to your early retirement really early. If you have a lump sum and do not need it to retirement, what about popping your £40k limit into a pension today? You get extra tax relied into it (more than paying off mortgage or an ISA) and it grows steadily to your early retirement.

You are grieving and this inheritance issue is causing some ructions in your marriage, so I'd stick the money in a savings account for now and worry about what to do with it in the future.

£300 income from a flat isn't a lot - definitely keep some of that to one side for repairs etc. Spend the rest! It's your money and it's not exactly a life-changing amount.

Your husband sounds stingy and selfish and that's horrendously unattractive but maybe he has other redeeming qualities.

Assuming @icantwaitforsummer that you both put in the same amount for house/bills, he can’t expect you to contribute more as an overpayment now you’re on an equal footing. Unless he was previously prepared to when you were not(doesn’t sound like it)

Your real problem is ‘he has more money left over’… what the hell?? You’re married. All income into one account. Bills paid. What’s left is split equally for each of you.
Why oh why are you organised in such a stupid way when you’re married with kids!!! You’re one unit. If he disagrees well frankly you’re better off single. The law considers you one unit.

The inheritance I would do nothing until your finances are reorganised in such a way that is equal and fair.

Well, we just got ca. 600K in an inheritance via my husband's mum, and we are using it to buy a bigger house which will be in both our names. Why? We share our funds. BOTH of us took care of his mum for several years and helped her. We live where we do so we were close by, and I chose a job based on location...I could have made more elsewhere, but family is important. We both agreed on the house. I said if he had cold feet, we would forget it and stay put and just get a savings account for now. That's fine, but he decided the house was pretty cool. We made the decision to be fair with one another.

When I received an inheritance, I used part of it to fix up our present house. I worked for a while when he took time off, and he is reciprocating now whilst I retire. I paid more into the mortgage, he paid off the small remainder of my student loans. We share our funds and we make it as equitable as we can.

OP, if your husband hasn't shared his extra money with you in the past and spent it on himself or put it in investments in his name, frankly, you do the same with your inheritance. See a financial advisor, put the 80K into something interest bearing in your name. Take the £300 and put it towards the mortgage which I am assuming is also in your name. Don't go into property speculation. You are grieving still. Take it easy and be kind to yourself. Don't let your husband pressure you into anything.

If you pay into a joint account proportionate to your incomes, the £300pm should be counted as income for this purpose.

So you would pay slightly more and your husband slightly less once the new proportions are worked out, but you’ll retain most of the money for your retirement fund.

I wouldn’t share an inheritance.

I don’t think your understanding what I’m saying so we’ll just leave it there instead of going in circles

He’s a selfish cunt who thinks what’s his is his and now what’s yours is his too. Absolutely not. I also wouldn’t be buying a flat with him as half ownership. This is your money from your parents. If they had wanted to leave it to you both then their will would have reflected that. Fuck that shit. Invest in your or your kids names and keep the £300/month so you have equal free spends. Then when he wants to overpay on the mortgage, then you can too. But as he doesn’t want to commit his cash for that, he doesn’t get a choice in the decision on what your cash goes too. Prick.

You ate already overcommitted to your shared asset. Don’t commingle the inheritance.

See a solicitor and a financial adviser - on your own.