Inheritance dispute with husband

So it’s suits him to keep finances separate when he benefits. FFS selfish man. Then when you have some money he wants to spend that as well. No way.

It sounds as though you keep money separate, to a certain extent. Although you have a joint account for joint costs, you also have your own separate accounts/ finances. So what you are proposing sounds fair. If he was paying a higher percentage of your outgoings and you weren’t sharing any of your inheritance, he would have a point. But you’re sharing the 80k. Plus he’s been happy to have a higher disposable income than you every month. If the roles were reversed, what would your dh do! That’s a good indicator and I can guess the answer.

My granny told my mother always have running away money, my mother gave me the same advice. Use the money as you see fit.

It's true, I once read that Men typically think (and talk) about "things" like cars, money and football whereas women prefer to think about people. OP is concerned about her DC but her hub is more concerned about their finances. I'm not sure if OP should match her husband's mentality in that regard but she could probably meet in the middle. Fundamental differences like these make it hard sometimes for couples to see eye-to-eye. IMHO she's got her priorities dead straight and the hubbo should take more consideration into their DC, as another person has said it would be good to hear what hubbo would do if the shoe was on the other foot...

This x10000

in your discussions I think you should say whatever we decide re inheritance it’s clear you need to be home at 5:30 3 nights a week from now on to do dinner and sports training etc and do the morning drop offs 2 days a week. You don’t value the effort I put into it so you should no longer benefit from it, since you think my efforts don’t contribute at all to your greater income you will be absolutely fine work wise and I can be at peace with you keeping extra salary money for yourself. Im going to go to the gym a bit more and think about extending my own work hours.

We have one pot. Neither of us ‘question each other about what we’ve bought and why’

He's an absolute Prince this one isn't he? 🙄
Basically he's had more money than you for many years and enjoyed it and now you've got some cash to play with he doesn't like it and thinks you should share. Yeah, fuck that, immediately no.

I disagree. If the situation was exactly the opposite and the wife had always had more money to her name and then expected him to share what he inherited despite not wanting share her own income, then he would be told to keep it.

And the advice not put it into the family pot is sound legal advice, nothing to do with being selfish. If that money put into the house or joints savings then its an asset of the marriage and he can claim half of it in a divorce. would you want half of what you leave your kids to go to their ex spouses in the event of their divorce? I know I wouldnt.

Also ask him what would happen in the case that he inherited money.

There's no point in that to be honest, he will say of course he would share it, so it proves nothing.

OP knows her husband and should know without even asking him what he would actually do if the roles were reversed, and that should have more bearing on her decision than any discussion after the fact.

I also think if this was man contemplating an inheritance he certainly wouldn't be being told on here to not let his wife have any of it.

The absolute cheek of this guy.

Trouble with this is that he would immediately say that of COURSE he would put it into the family pot for the good of the whole family, despite all the evidence of his behaviour so far suggesting that this would not be the case.

He was happy when he was better off than her, but now she is better off than him he wants to get his grubby mitts on some. He can fuck off.

Money and romance don't mix! Don't conflate the two.

So many women end up skint because they are overly giving and trusting. Sorry to sound cynical but there it is. You are an autonomous person, not an appendage to your husband and HIS agenda. Think about it; he hasn't been handing over his money to you lock, stock and barrel, has he? He's held back what he wants for himself.

Ringfence the money into your pension. If your marriage survives, great, you can share it then, in older age. If you find yourself single in the meantime, you'll have something to fall back on.

You can be a loving partner without handing over every shred of your future security to a man. Laws that preserve inheritances outside of marital assets exist FOR A REASON. Make sure you don't agree to anything without running it by a solicitor.

Your solicitor was right. Because your husband is thinking selfishly (and always has done), so you need to match that behaviour.
Also ask him what would happen in the case that he inherited money.

You also need to remember op that your husband is thinking with his head.*Match him. All of his decisions to date he has thought only of himself. Do that.
*a very romantic way of saying selfishly

The alternative to sharing is to agree now that you both protect any inheritances from the other.

Keep them in your own names and have a post-nup drawn up and lodged with a solicitor.

I don't think you are understanding what I am saying.

But they don't share finances. She will therefore continue to have less spending money in retirement.

All of this ‘mine and yours’ feels really petty when you’re married and everything is joint. My husband earns more, I’ve had inheritance. It all goes into the same pot.

But inheritance is different to earnings because it's capital wealth not income. You wouldn't expect him to contribute more because he has a bigger pension pot stashed away for the future.

If you stash it in your pension you can "protect" it from him as you can't draw it till you turn 57. You're limited to putting in what you earn each year though.

He's making you feel awful though by guilt tripping you.

If it was "fair" you have the same savings, pensions and soending money. If not then he needs to let you build up some of your own money for the future.

I am still shocked you can buy a flat for £80k these days!!!

Anyway, inheritance shouldn’t be treated any differently to earned income in my book.

If he won’t pay ball I would be inclined to pay as much into my pension as possible. That way he can’t bully you into handing it over.

This ^

Be careful as you could be stung with a tax bill when you give to your daughter. Eg if it goes up £100k in value you could end up paying £23k tax.