Inheritance dispute with husband

Sorry, your inheritance, your choice as to how to use it, especially as DH is a higher earner.
My DH has invested inheritance into our house - his choice. Any inheritance I get will be for my future security - DH's suggestion.
Our children will be looked after accordingly.

You are married with DC, why does he have more "free cash" at the end of the month? All of our money goes into the joint account and we both get the same amount for spending on fun stuff, anything left over after bills, days out, things for DD and so on goes into savings unless one of us needs to make a big purchase. We do make mortgage overpayments too and if one of us inherited £80k we would save it in a high interest account and then put it against the mortgage in 3 years time when our term ends to beat the interest rises. You're a team, why are you not living like one?

This is all very grubby on his part. The idea of doing up a flat is a bit risky as it could eat up extra money that you haven't inherited - can you not just invest the £80k for retirement, and it would benefit you both still but less likely to have spiralling costs in the short term? I would speak to a financial advisor and absolutely not reduce your husband's contributions - far from it.

They’re married…

If you divorce him, do it before the money comes through 😉

Can you get some financial advice? A stocks & shares ISA is probably not as profitable as your own pension.

Review the bank account contributions today, it's a bit odd that you haven't in years, does he refuse to?

Get everything out on the table with the latest numbers. All your monthly ingoings and outgoings, as a family and individually. Numbers don't lie. The problem is if he simply doesn't want to be fair.

Cross post but I agree with this and you've said it better and more succinctly!

£300 per month is not a huge profit from a rental. I would save that so if the service charge is bigger one year or the boiler goes bang or you need to repair or replace something then you have funds. I doubt your DH is going to go halves with you on that.

with the 80k from your mum. I would personally put it in savings for 6 months or longer until you have really thought about what you want to do with it. The savings should be in your name only and kept separate. There is no rush to do anything with the funds so better to think carefully then spend it and regret it

I didn't want to add to your worries but seeing your update I'll add - I think the £100 overpayment from your husband would be the sensible idea since the "us" gesture (old flat) is not plain sailing, money-wise. You may need more for unforeseen costs on a renovation then he can stop the overpayment. He also needs to cost out the "old flat project" with a lot of contingency! I completely understand how this has left you feeling about money. Put it in NS&I (premium bonds/savings) for now and talk further in the new year after your loss is less raw. So says me - having never had savings I've been on a very steep learning curve this year!

Well, I think you have you answer. If it was me, he would get F all. I’m sure your mum would want that money to benefit you all positively but he seems so grabby. If you were to split up he would also benefit from it especially if you bought a project together as that would be seen as a marital asset. Redirect it to ensure you and the kids have a secure future.
Will he be set to inherit anything? Bet he wouldn’t even consider an us pot.

Mumsnet is funny about inheritance and many see it all as one pot.

Your still very early days of processing a lot of grief so my advice is to put the 80k into some savings account for now and deal with it when you feel ready.

It's not for your husband to suggest buying a flat and overpayment on the mortgage should be of benefit to you both not just him.

"The other 80k share with my husband, he wants to buy an old flat, and we do it up as a 'project'. And use any money we make to overpay mortgage."

I would also be very careful doing something like this in the current climate – it has the potential to really spiral cost-wise as builders, materials etc are much, much more expensive than they were even just a few years ago. It could be a huge amount of stress/investment for not a lot (if any) return...

Doesn't sound very fair to me, Op.

You definitely need a longer conversation with him regarding finances in general I think. My DH and I keep separate finances but revisit what is fair regarding contributions, savings etc on a regular basis. We've had to do it recently regarding an inheritance (his) and how best to utilise it. I was very much involved in the decision making around that but didn't try and dictate.

Irrelevant whether the money comes from working or inheritance. Don't part with a penny until you have resolved this to your satisfaction op x

So what’s his is his and what’s yours is to be shared?

No way.

I am not sure the details of your plan are the most sensible. An appointment with a certified independent financial advisor, who has nothing to gain by promoting any particular type of investment, might be a good idea.

Best wishes, OP

If he is earning more than you I would suggest he puts in £150 more a month to the mortgage and you put in the same from your flat. You are then still putting in £300, but you are not the only one funding this.

north east you can buy one for £40k

This.

Both me and my husband work full time, he earns more than me and has more free cash at the end of every month.

Why does he feel entitled to more 'free cash' than you, @icantwaitforsummer ?

We see this on MN all the time. So infuriating!

If you are married, you are supposed to be a team.

Oh I see, when he’s got more it’s his, when you’ve got more its joint. I don’t think so sunshine. You stand your ground.

Either all money is joint or your inheritance is yours and not shared.

Bascially, what he's suggesting is he gets to keep his extra money, but you don't get to keep yours ...

I'd be taking legal advice on this.

I want to know where I can buy a flat for 80k please 😊

What everyone else has said...
Plus don't buy a dooer upper flat for the return on investment...Those dates are long long gone. You'll get a much better return on stocks and shares investment.

Your plan sounds generous to your DC and sensible.

It also sounds like fun to do up an old house.

Suggest that your husband puts his own money into shared assets, not your money.
An inheritance is a windfall and you don't have to consider it as your usual income.
Many people give all inheritance to the next generation.