Inheritance dispute with husband

I hope you’re ok op, this would be quite a confronting realisation about who your dh really is, and how much he cares about you.

Love and romance is great and all, but it won't prevent you from living in poverty in your old age.

And really - what is love, if it isn't making sure that you both will be okay even if things go tits up in the relationship? Or is love supposed to be more conditional than that?

You could both agree to put the same overpayment amount each towards the mortgage. I think that paying off the mortgage and having investments can both be done, it doesn't have to be either/or decision.

Are you below 40? If so, I'd get a stocks and shares LISA and get tax back whilst you invest. Hargreaves Landsdown has a great platform for this, Martin Lewis often mentions it. I use it myself and it's made investing so easy, I now have a great lump sum to look forwards to when I reach 60, which could allow me to retire earlier, if I wish.

I can see you are not legal.

You're really not even trying. It helps to read before ranting, I find.

Have you considered talking to a financial advisor to look at short, medium and long term goals? Their advice my change your thinking

Are you being deliberately obtuse? Some people share all their finances (me and my husband do) and everything goes in one pot, including inheritance. However in THIS SPECIFIC CASE the husband has been selfishly keeping more money for himself for years. So it’s really not a case of “either inheritance is shared between spouses or it’s not” because clearly different couples deal with finances in different ways so you don’t always apply the same rule - it depends on the circumstances.

When you’re ready to make plans, it’s probably worth speaking to a financial adviabout potential benefits of investing in your pension . After all, your husband’s pension will be much more valuable if he’s out-earned you for years.

I would just park this for now. Do not make any hasty decisions, especially not renovation schemes.

I’d tell him that you’re going to ringfence the flat income for repairs /service charges (because you can be damn sure he won’t help with unexpected bills. )

The money is going into an ISA until you are ready to think about it.

You are at pains to be fair to your husband , while he is ruthlessly trying to profit from your grief. Your best bit is to keep the inheritance totally separate from household money for now. Give yourself time to grieve and think .

The husband is always right.

It does make sence to pay off your mortgage but you either have shared finances or you don't. He can't expect you to share your inheritance if he doesn't share his salary.

Oh sweetie, did you not understand the point made? Maybe try harder instead of calling others dim.

It's really not that complicated

This, I’m a SAHM and we don’t have his or hers cash, it’s all outs. I wouldn’t think twice about this because it would all go in the same pot same as everything else.

I don’t understand why he has more case than you at the end of the month, it should really be the same regardless of whose income it is.

Are you actually dim or have you not read the OP? Several people have pointed out it isn't the same as a simple split of an inheritance as her husband has, for many years, earnt more money than her and kept it to himself. Is this clearer for you?? 🙄

I don't think "interesting contrast" is twisting of anything, and I didn't mention a make Vs female thing.

And since you misunderstood, it was clear I was talking about the answers from when it seemed like exactly the same situation.

Either inheritance is shared between spouses or it isn't.

This sums up my reaction too.

@icantwaitforsummer How did the conversation go?

Someone on here ages ago had inherited. She wanted to spend a third on a couple of amazing holidays, a designer bag and other nice things. Her partner did not agree at all. He'd have forbidden it if he could

No contrast to be had as the situation is not the same at all, stop trying to twist it to suit a male v female narrative 🙄

Investing in a pension is a sensible use of the money. How can anyone argue with that

In this situation, the husband has already happily been keeping more money for himself for years whilst op does all the childcare (as well as working) to enable him to work all hours and earn more money. So the husband is already acting selfishly with his money and the op therefore needs to follow suit. Surely you understand that each situation needs to be considered on its own circumstances rather than applying a blanket rule?

Did you miss the bit in the opening post about how he works more hours and thus earns more and she does more childcare and thus less paid hours, and yet he's been keeping it all to himself the whole time and told her this is because 'he works hard.' ?

How much does he have in savings OP?

There's another thread running that everyone thought was about an inheritance of as husband (it's actually not, it's other money but people answered assuming inheritance) and the consensus on that one was that it was just as much the wife's money as the husband, and how dare anyone suggest otherwise?

On this one it's all hers and only hers and he's a thief.

Interesting contrast.

Your husband is an inheritance thief.