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Husband attended year end function without me even though I was invited

215 replies

NumbMother · 29/11/2024 09:25

So, long story short, my husband is a committee member at an organization in the field that we both work in. I know all the other members and their wives from past events and some are even personal friends of ours. We have attended all the functions together even before we were married. Last night was the annual year end function and he made it seem like this year it was only committee members (no spouses) that were invited for the function. Though I thought it was odd, I did not think twice about it. Our daughter is 9 months old and he had gone the the committee meetings during the year, every time he would start an argument right before he had to leave the house to attend the meetings. Most of the time he would commit to coming home at a decent hour, though when I would send him a message 2 hours after the time he committed to be home, he would only respond when it suits him, sometimes an hour later, to say he is on his way home. Only to arrive an hour later even though the venue is 10 minutes away from our home.
Back to last night...He made arrangements for one of the member to pick him up at home. When he arrived, his wife was sitting in the car with him...? When I asked my husband why she is going to the function, he said that he decided when he received the invite that he would attend alone since I had to look after our baby. According to him, he is not wrong for making this decision on him own without consulting/informing me? He purposely excluded me and decided to attend the function alone even though all the other member's wives attended. When I told him that we could have arranged for a babysitter, he just said it is unnecessary to make alternative arrangements and that this is what a mother should do, stay at home with the baby.
I am feeling hurt by his actions, yet he does not think he was wrong for attending alone. Am I being unreasonable for insisting that these types of events should be attended by both or at the very least discussed? To make matters worse, he turned off his phone and came home very late and very drunk. Now he is giving me the silent treatment because according to him I am being unreasonable for assuming I would be attending as his +1.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Woahtherehoney · 29/11/2024 09:39

ZoeRuby · 29/11/2024 09:34

I hate to see this and I hope I am wrong but is there a possibility he is being unfaithful to you with someone who attends these meetings?

It sounds like he is up to something he doesn’t want you to know about. Sorry OP.

This was my first thought too, sorry OP. That’s not to say it’s a definite but it’s very suspicious.

even if he isn’t cheating on you, this behaviour is disrespectful and needs addressing.

Littlemiracles232504 · 29/11/2024 09:38

@IamtheDevilsAvocado
ABSOLUTELY!

batsandeggs · 29/11/2024 09:38

Red flags all over this. He lied about the function and is clearly lying about whatever he’s up to when he attends meetings, and there’s zero justification for taking an hour to come home from somewhere ten minutes away. Be harder on him and demand to know what’s going on. Or leave.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 29/11/2024 09:37

Littlemiracles232504 · 29/11/2024 09:35

This would upset me so much, he really does sound like a selfish arsehole
Make sure you book yourself a day out, or a night out with friends... it's HIS JOB as baby's father to stay home with the baby
Big hugs to you xx

I'd be beyond furious at him.

Sexist pig...

I'd be looking seriously at my future with him

Littlemiracles232504 · 29/11/2024 09:35

This would upset me so much, he really does sound like a selfish arsehole
Make sure you book yourself a day out, or a night out with friends... it's HIS JOB as baby's father to stay home with the baby
Big hugs to you xx

SouperWoman · 29/11/2024 09:35

I’m so sorry @NumbMother 💐 your husband is a pig. He is totally unreasonable- not just about this one event, but his attitude towards you, his behaviour, his communication. Please consider your future. Is this how you want to live? I think you deserve more from your life.

JJLA · 29/11/2024 09:34

Oh OP, that doesn’t sound right at all. Not just not taking you but his general behaviour around going to these meetings.

I hate to plant seeds of doubt but is it possible his head has been turned? Doesn’t mean he’s having an affair, just that there’s someone there he’s got a crush on.

RabbitsRock · 29/11/2024 09:34

The way you write about him makes very uncomfortable reading OP.

ZoeRuby · 29/11/2024 09:34

I hate to see this and I hope I am wrong but is there a possibility he is being unfaithful to you with someone who attends these meetings?

It sounds like he is up to something he doesn’t want you to know about. Sorry OP.

MyTidyQuoter · 29/11/2024 09:33

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MyTidyQuoter · 29/11/2024 09:32

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Samesame47 · 29/11/2024 09:32

I would be very hurt by this, I’m sorry to say that there will be a reason he didn’t want you there - using the baby as an excuse is pathetic. It’s a really horrible thing he has
done I’m not surprised you feel the way you do

Whotowin · 29/11/2024 09:28

You are 100% right op.

Catza · 29/11/2024 09:28

Sorry to say but your marriage is over.

Annabella92 · 29/11/2024 09:28

I would be very very upset about this