To dread Christmas?

Absolutely not just you. Of course there are people who love everything about Xmas, but you’re certainly not alone! I wonder if you can make some small changes to make it work better for you. I find that being the person responsible for all the shopping, cooking, hosting, planning etc sucks out some of the joy and magic…. But planning and prepping early seems to be helping this year so it’s not a last minute slog and stress. Also need to treasure the times when the people you love are around for you to rush around after them, as it isn’t forever!

@2023Tobeornottobe Thank you for that great idea!

Since my own parents died, Christmas has lost some of its lustre, and years of having to work round MIL and her self-interests wore me down. I have declined to host the remaining in-laws this year , and DH won’t do it without me to cook. It will be a quieter day here than usual, but I love your idea for future Christmases.

On Christmas day I have a sailing trip booked looking for dolphins and whales.

@2023Tobeornottobe - I can't think of anything I'd rather do on ANY day of the year. Lucky you! Have a wonderful trip and I hope you see lots of wonderful sea creatures.

I'm sorry about the loss of your husband and your in-laws' attitude to you, OP.

I agree that there is something about Christmas of all holidays that seems to amplify loss. And there's nothing like Christmas (and weddings) for sticklers to apparent 'tradition', for which I read locked into expected ways of doing things. Maybe it's the old rebels die hard attitude in me, but the very word 'tradition' makes me want to stick my fingers in my ears and run off in the opposite direction shouting 'la, la, la!'

I agree with the PP that the music is particularly dreadful! Same old dross churned out on repeat year after year after year - a bit like the Christmas baubles we've had since our childhood but nowhere near as appealing. That Paul McCartney number makes me murderous.

We do low-key. Get togethers are with friends in mid-December and again on HY Eve - for no other reason that we enjoy each other's company and like being together. Unlike with relatives we don't happen to get on with, friendships are entirely voluntary. This makes them amongst the best relationships we'll have in life, and we've now fallen into a pattern where December is the month we celebrate that. I cherish it.

I have lots of fairy lights and two very laden trees (I don't care if two are naff). And we do the turkey. But once the demands of presents (for DC) and cooking are off, it's a holiday that makes few demands on us.

However, the months with short days and long nights will never be my most loved time of year. Easter will always be the favourite holiday: it's spring, everything's bursting into life again, the daylight hours are extending, and it carries none of the conventional obligations associated with Christmas.

This too shall pass, OP. I know where you're coming from: I really do.

I don't dread Christmas anymore because I have made it what I want it to be. I lost my Dad on December the 3rd a few years ago. So it is just my brother and I left and I'm happily single. My brother is going through a messy split with his fiancé, and my new born nephew is in the middle of it so I probably wouldn't see anyone on Christmas day.
Last year I flew to Tenerife for Christmas on my own, I had the best time - didn't feel like Christmas at all - no pressure/stress etc. Just a winter sun holiday. I'm doing the same this year to Gran Canaria. On Christmas day I have a sailing trip booked looking for dolphins and whales 😊
You can make it a 'you day' if you want to. Ignore all the adverts and societal pressure.

I’m just meh about it. It is a ticking list for me and we keep it low-key. If I didn’t plan things, next to nothing would happen. I don’t have the energy or want to to do elaborate, unnecessary Christmas stuff since Christmas is not my thing.

If DS2 asks, I will look into activities and such, see if it is possible and do it for him (DS1 is autistic and DD1 is only 13 mo), but other than that it is just trying to get through the two weeks off and helping DS1 cope with not being in his usual routine of school.

I can see why some people dislike the stress of Christmas. I personally enjoy it, I like the build up, the planning, the Christmas wrapping, meal planning.
We go to church Christmas morning and then have the entire extended family round for a meal and drinks into the evening, everyone stays over if they want to. I love having all of my family together, I love cooking for them and I love sitting down and relaxing with a drink once everything is eaten and washed up.

Heartfelt condolences. I've spent two decades worrying myself sick about my brother's addiction, with the fear always at the back of my mind that one day I will receive 'that' phone call. These things are so difficult to live with. Be kind to yourself

Not really, I'm a Grinch as well during Christmas time. Ebenezer Scrooge and Grinch rolled in one😀

No it's not.

My father died three weeks before Christmas. I was ten years old at the time. I was sent home on the bus (an hour walk from school to the bus stop, twenty miles journey home and another half hour walk from the bus stop home). When I got there, my mother was sitting in the lounge, silent and holding the cat on her lap. My paternal aunt (who I loathed) told me to change my clothes, catch my pony and go for a long ride. Whilst I was changing my clothes, I heard my father's coffin being bumped down the stairs by the undertakers. I watched out of an upstairs window and saw it being loaded into a hearse and driven away. I was not allowed to go to his funeral. I was not allowed to mention his name. The worst part was getting a Christmas present from him, with the tag written in his copperplate handwriting, which I wasn't allowed to keep. I was sent to school the following day.
It's coming up to the sixty-eighth anniversary of his death, and I still miss him.

Just you:

Never spend more than you can afford. Bring your children up to understand the value of money. When they are very young they’ll be happy with anything, when they are older they will have to understand they can’t have everything they want.

Dont spend all day cooking and washing up. If you’ve cooked you certainly don’t wash up. Buy as much ready made stuff as you can, and cook in advance where possible.

Shop online, in the sales where possible.

Why on earth would you spend time with people you don’t like vis it’s Christmas? You’re allowed to say no.

I'm a bit of a Scrooge these days too.

Used to enjoy Christmas when the kids were young and my dm was still alive, but now I can't be bothered 😂

It's mainly because it's hard work for me, everyone wants to come here as I'm the best cook so it costs a fortune and I spent all my time in the kitchen (but not this year as I've told them I'm not doing it!)

My mom died on Christmas day when I was quite young. Even now I find Christmas really stressful. Particularly when I am around people who really love it. Do not want to spoil anyone else's fun, but worth remembering not everyone is joyful as the year turns.

@DrZaraCarmichael I think the difference is that if you like your mum and she's a pleasant person then it's fine to have her with you at Christmas.
It's when the relatives are horrible people that I would just think "screw 'em".

I had been feeling like that for the last few years, but this year we're having a complete reset.

We'll be away and I will literally be buying a couple of presents at not great expense. We'll also do a few Christmas things in the lead up but the relief is HUGE. I cannot tell you how much better I feel about it all.

I would scale back if I were you.

Nope, I love Christmas, but I keep it small and am really selective about what I do individually and with my DC. We only do the bits we enjoy!

I do most of my shopping online so any small foray into an actual shop is quite enjoyable and don't get driven to distraction by that shitty song you mentioned (which incidentally gives me the rage).

I used to hate starting the buying too early, but now I get the bulk around Black Friday and have December (mostly) as a month of fun.

Each year I like Christmas less which I do think is a shame but I can’t help the way I feel.
Some family members don’t help as they put a lot of pressure onto me, others go on and on and on about how they are all done in October knowing I’m the single mum in the family that is trying to juggle it all but they tut and scoff if I’m not as organised as they are but everything is done for my child by Christmas.

It’s the last year we are spending it with family so hopefully next year will be a whole lot more enjoyable.

Then do it. They’ve cut you out of their life anyway so what will actually happen if you just say ‘sorry we have plans for Christmas lunch - we’ll see you on 28th/29th/never for an hour between 11-12’?

People make such a huge fuss about Christmas whether they like it or dislike it and I don’t really understand why. You’re an adult who can choose to spend your time! Just do what works for you and ignore the ‘noise’. Sometimes im in the mood and decorate and go all out, this year I can’t be arsed so I’m just…not. I’ll buy a few gifts, cook something nice, send a few cards to people I’m thinking about but don’t see and wait for spring to come.

Pick and choose the bits you want. I love a tree and fairy lights and lovely food with family in a busy house.

We dont do presents (giving or receiving) except for very small children and our 2 adult DC. We don't do cards either. That's two big expenses and time consuming jobs out of the way. We don't turn the tv on, just enjoy time together (gossip, fizz, Karaoke and charades).

We don't have Christmas cake or Christmas pudding or mince pies. No one really likes them IME and they just end up getting binned. We just have our favourites (home made carrot cake, tiffin or brownies or maybe a Colin Caterpillar).

To be fair a big meal for 10/12 people is hard work and I do find it tiring now but Boxing Day is just immediate family, adult DC opening stockings and presents, Christmas PJs and the kids serving up leftovers. That's my chill time.

I'm sure your Christmas will be very hard this year. I hope it goes OK and you can create some new traditions with your DC. Lunch out sounds lovely.

Honestly I love Christmas and start to look forward to it around August time 😂 but I think that's purely because we plan the type of Christmas we want and don't do things that we feel like we should do just for the sake of it. My partner and I are close with both our families and will see each of them on the days around Christmas, but Christmas Day is for us with our son and dog! We map out the day with things we both enjoy, I love cooking anyway so will be excited about preparing a huge Christmas lunch while partner entertains the baby and dog, and we've bought presents within the budget we're comfortable with so no pressure there. Honestly if I were you I would think about how you want to spend Christmas and what will alleviate as much pressure and stress as possible and do exactly that!

hy do so many people have this obsession with HAVING to spend Christmas with people - like all day, like 11am to 8pm, (and sometimes Boxing day too!) Some people have people staying for several days! Nooooooo!

But again this depends on circumstances. My dad died 18 months ago, my sister lives overseas, if mum didn't come to us for christmas she would be completely alone. Yes it's extra stress and pressure having her here, but who would be so selfish as to say to their 80 year old mother than actually, they want a quiet christmas so she can just sit on her own? Sometimes you have to just suck it up and do things you'd rather not.

I've lost count of christmas carol concerts and shows and other things i've sat through to support a child who is performing, because it was important to them that I am there.

I don’t dread Christmas but tend to get a bit panicky as DD15 & I have December birthdays so there’s a lot going on generally leading up to the big day. Felt better when I stopped buying glossy magazines & no longer thought my little house needed to look like a page from House & Gardens or Country Living!

Thank you. Glad I didn't offend you.