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Original poster

Change name

94 replies

beachcitygirl · 29/11/2024 05:13

Long story short. Ex husband has asked me to change my name as new wife doesn't like me being Mrs blah blah.
I've said no.
We were married nearly 20 years both kids are our name.

I truly don't mind there being another Mrs blah blah .but am I the arse by keeping the name I've used for years. Known professionally as & name of my kids.

Aware this has probably been discussed before but can't find. C

OP posts:
ClicketyClickPlusOne · 01/12/2024 12:12

DustyLee123 · 01/12/2024 07:33

I agree with pp, either you keep it or he agrees to change the kids to your maiden name.

Why the hell should the OP and at least 2 children go through the admin and social aspects of changing their names just so that wife 2 can adhere to a patriarchal tradition and appease her insecurities about having the same name as Wife 1 ?

Why the hell should the children go through life dealing with the admin of having a birth certificate that is different to their name? To appease W2 -issues as above?

At what point to women get to own their own names rather than be labelled by a man who then wants to remove that label and stick it on a new women?

Why should the OP and her children facilitate this? If she is not wanting to revert to her birth name?

Honeycrisp · 01/12/2024 08:48

FennelFan · 01/12/2024 08:47

Not a chance would I change. If the new wife feels that strongly about it they should take her name.

Excellent idea.

FennelFan · 01/12/2024 08:47

Not a chance would I change. If the new wife feels that strongly about it they should take her name.

JustWalkingTheDogs · 01/12/2024 08:39

Tell him if it bothers him that much why doesn't he change his name and take his new wife's surname. Otherwise tell him to bugger off and keep your surname just the way you want to.

whatcanthematterbe81 · 01/12/2024 08:27

Blueberrymuffin8 · 29/11/2024 08:00

Not sure why people change their name in the first place. Been married 11 years and never changed mine.

You're so cool and different

Sheepsandcows · 01/12/2024 07:53

his new wife throwing a tantrum isn't your problem. if you don't want to change it don't. I wouldn't even discuss it. Tell him to take her name. Problem solved. She has an issue and it's absolutely not for you to sort. It's that simple.

Viviennemary · 01/12/2024 07:43

beachcitygirl · 29/11/2024 05:13

Long story short. Ex husband has asked me to change my name as new wife doesn't like me being Mrs blah blah.
I've said no.
We were married nearly 20 years both kids are our name.

I truly don't mind there being another Mrs blah blah .but am I the arse by keeping the name I've used for years. Known professionally as & name of my kids.

Aware this has probably been discussed before but can't find. C

Absolutely don't change your name unless you want to which you don't. What a nerve they've got even asking. Tell him to change his surname to hers if he is that bothered.

DustyLee123 · 01/12/2024 07:33

I agree with pp, either you keep it or he agrees to change the kids to your maiden name.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 01/12/2024 07:32

ElizabethanAgain · 01/12/2024 06:15

Surely the same belongs to his dad, not him, anyway?

Er, so who did it originally belong to then?

ElizabethanAgain · 01/12/2024 06:15

Surely the same belongs to his dad, not him, anyway?

Original poster
beachcitygirl · 01/12/2024 02:45

@HollyLollyMollyJolly I quite agree with you, but this was a long time ago & "the done thing"
I fell in line.
Looking back it's insanity. But I hated my dad - so there was that.

OP posts:
gokartdillydilly · 30/11/2024 18:09

solice84 · 29/11/2024 08:03

@renthead well I can't say what it is obviously but it's not her name that's ridiculous it's the way they've double barrelled it and it sounds like how you might describe a vicious vegetable

Savage-Cabbage?

ClicketyClickPlusOne · 30/11/2024 17:56

LetsNCagain · 29/11/2024 20:34

Crewe-Ellsprout
Barbara-Scale

😂😂😂

RosemaryRabbit · 29/11/2024 21:47

Barbara-Scale
LOL

RosemaryRabbit · 29/11/2024 21:46

LetsNCagain · 29/11/2024 20:34

Crewe-Ellsprout
Barbara-Scale

😂😂

HollyLollyMollyJolly · 29/11/2024 21:05

What a ridiculous request from your ex and his wife! It's your name now, you change it only if you want to. They can deal with it how they want on their own.

On another note, this is one of the reasons why I'd always support women keeping their own name instead of taking on another person's name once married to them like you've been 'sold' into their family and left yours (as it were from ages ago). The children can have both your surnames because they belong to both of you, not just one person.

Blows my mind that this 'marriage name-change for women' is still happening in this day and age to supposedly modern-minded people. For someone to have the mind to ask you to change your name back, why? Because the name belongs to him/his birth family and not you/your birth family? You wouldn't get this insult if you kept your birth name (not "maiden" name).

Oh well, what's done is done. Just tell them to sod off!

LetsNCagain · 29/11/2024 20:34

Crewe-Ellsprout
Barbara-Scale

LetsNCagain · 29/11/2024 20:15

solice84 · 29/11/2024 08:03

@renthead well I can't say what it is obviously but it's not her name that's ridiculous it's the way they've double barrelled it and it sounds like how you might describe a vicious vegetable

Savage-Greene?
Wheylan-Chard?
Wilde-Root?

We have to know

HaddyAbrams · 29/11/2024 20:08

RosemaryRabbit · 29/11/2024 08:44

Mr and Mrs Cross-Carrott ?

Show quote history

My money's on Angry-Asparagus

MysteriousUsername · 29/11/2024 19:56

My ex's first wife changed her name back to her maiden name when they got divorced, but it wouldn't have bothered me if she hadn't. I'm now divorced from him and have kept the name - my maiden name was horrible, and also my estranged dad's name, and it's far too much effort with paperwork to change it again.

When we first got married and people called me Mrs Username it made me think of my MIL anyway, rather than what his ex would have been called.

SpanThatWorld · 29/11/2024 19:35

I'm a second wife.
Wife #1 changed her surname but I never have. OH found it mildly entertaining that his first wife was using his surname but his current wife wasn't.

TSMWEL · 29/11/2024 09:33

Unless he is the only person in the world with that last name surely there are many, many other Mrs Whatevers out there anyway?

He can't dictate what you do with your name now any more than he could when you got married.

ClicketyClickPlusOne · 29/11/2024 09:28

AngelontopoftheTree · 29/11/2024 09:26

Angry-Aubergine?

Show quote history

Bully-Pepper

AngelontopoftheTree · 29/11/2024 09:26

ClicketyClickPlusOne · 29/11/2024 09:21

Savage-Bean?

Show quote history

Angry-Aubergine?

ClicketyClickPlusOne · 29/11/2024 09:21

RosemaryRabbit · 29/11/2024 08:44

Mr and Mrs Cross-Carrott ?

Show quote history

Savage-Bean?

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