Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Those with a Friend with benefits

39 replies

WWY · 28/11/2024 23:45

I need some advice.
I knew a guy 12 years ago. We messed around a bit and had fun but it was never anything serious. We just drifted apart naturally.
Now, suddenly last weekend he sent a message on fb and it was a literal blast from the past!
First of all it's just general, how you been etc and how's your life now and so on.
Then he tells me he's now divorced and would love to take me out for dinner and just hang out as possible friends with benefits.
Charming, I know!
I'm 39 he's 42 for reference.
A big reason I'm considering this is because I appreciate his honesty. I used to really like him and we spoke all the time. He's also aesthetically very pleasing and conventionally gorgeous. 6'5 the whole typical lot!
I know that shouldn't influence me but I'm not going to lie, it does a bit, I'm very attracted to him. Also, secretly flattered that he finds me attractive too...
So, my question really is for other women who have FWB. Do you enjoy it? Does it become too much of a headache?
I'm a very liberal person so I'm ok with a more casual approach on the whole and I do love a more adventurous life. But, I don't know if it's wise to go back after so many years?

OP posts:
Catza · 29/11/2024 08:39

Yes, I used to have one of those and it was fun. It was FWB in its true sense. Friendship first and foremost with a benefit of sex not some seedy booty-call situation when one of us is drunk at 3am. We went out, socialised, went to events together or had a quiet night with a bottle of wine and a movie. We knew each other inside out and had plenty of dates which didn't lead to sex. We supported each other through hard times life friends will. We would never work as a couple and, eventually, both found people we wanted to date seriously. It was lovely but, I think, these experiences are very rare.

Original poster
WWY · 29/11/2024 00:14

@IAm16StoneHalloween2024 I don't expect any long term plans with him no.
I think the height fetish thing is definitely a thing for a lot of women. Not all I know.
But when we used to go out women would be coming up to him and flirting outrageously with him right in front of me.
Another guy I dated was 6'6 and the same thing. He even said to me 'I don't think I'm even that good looking. My height just does a lot for me'.
So yeah. Some women do love a tall guy.

OP posts:
Original poster
WWY · 29/11/2024 00:09

@GivingYourHeadAWobble you are right and I'm under no illusion. I was the one who pulled away from him the first time as he wanted more but I was young and not fully into it. So he was always attracted to me. It's not a sudden attraction. I suppose I meant I'm surprised he's still attracted to me.
But yes, ultimately I know he's looking for a fuck. That's why I said friend with benefits.

OP posts:
IAm16StoneHalloween2024 · 29/11/2024 00:06

I'm not sure about the fetishising his height bit, but if it works for you then go for it. Is your situation the same as then eg not looking for a partner to have kids with etc? It sounds fun!

Original poster
WWY · 29/11/2024 00:02

@MumOfOneAllAlone 😅 honestly... so tempting 😂

OP posts:
nam3c4ang3 · 29/11/2024 00:01

He's horny and you two have a history, you like him - just make sure you know what youre getting yourself into.

GivingYourHeadAWobble · 28/11/2024 23:59

Also, secretly flattered that he finds me attractive too...

He hasn't seen you for 12 years.

He's found you on Facebook and asked you straight out for sex.

I'm not saying you shouldn't go for it if that's what you want, but please don't be 'flattered' by it.

Original poster
WWY · 28/11/2024 23:59

@Duc ugh, I know. That's what I'm worried about. But I was fine with it last time and if I know the intentions up front it should be fine too 🤷‍♀️ . I don't know

OP posts:
DoYouReally · 28/11/2024 23:58

He might have dressed it up nicely but essentially, it's a case of he's horny and you'll do.

Imo, FWB only works where both people think they can do better and are unlikely to ever want anything more than just sex.

For example, if you find him attractive but he has the IQ of a potato or he finds you attractive but thinks you're boring.

If no one cares about the reasons you both think you can do better, it works. Otherwise it's a disaster.

If you just want sex and don't care about anything else, go for it. If not, you most likely we'll end up catching feelings and getting hurt.

Original poster
WWY · 28/11/2024 23:57

@Tink3rbell30 well that's true in essence but that's what I want him for too.
We used to go for dinner and out etc. It wasn't just wham bam thank you ma'm

OP posts:
Snoopdoggydog123 · 28/11/2024 23:53

Tink3rbell30 · 28/11/2024 23:51

Gross, I wouldn't as he obviously doesn't respect you, you are nothing but a vagina to him.

And he doesn't need to be anymore than a Penis to her. Win win.

MumOfOneAllAlone · 28/11/2024 23:51

I didnt like the casual approach but it seems he's sexy enough to get away with it 🤭

I dont have a fwb but have been single for so long 😄😄, i say Go for it, why not, have some fun

6"5 😍😍

Tink3rbell30 · 28/11/2024 23:51

Gross, I wouldn't as he obviously doesn't respect you, you are nothing but a vagina to him.

Duc · 28/11/2024 23:50

Hmm I think the problem with FWB is that many women start getting feelings after sleeping with the guy. Especially if you’re saying how hot he is etc… you’re attracted to him so that attraction is likely to deepen and that’s fine if it happens for him too, but if not then you could be left feeling rubbish.

If he’s simply looking for a casual hookup then go for it by all means but it’s very likely you could end up wanting more than he can give.

Good luck with whatever you decide.