Those with a Friend with benefits

I’ve had a FWB for more than 14 years. I definitely didn’t want a relationship, I have a fulfilling life and lots of friends and I don’t need a plus one, don’t want anyone to share my house, don’t want a ‘partner’ but I missed having sex.

We’re both fond of each other, these days we only meet up every couple of months and we don’t always have sex but he’s a good friend and I enjoy his company. I think the important thing is that you are both clear about it. Yes, feelings can change, but that can also happen in a more traditional relationship. Go for it, have some fun and accept that it’s probably not forever. It will do wonders for your self-esteem.

I had a FWB for a couple of years. He ended up getting feelings for me.

I moved away but we keep in touch via WhatsApp.

I had a FWB.

Reader, I married him.

Sounds good to me, I'd go for it

I'm mostly gay - I've only ever dated women. But I do have a male FWB, we've known each other 20 years and are friends.

And a a couple of years ago we became FWB - a few times a year we meet up and have a nice meal and have some fun.

He's attractive, funny and believes the 'correct' female to male orgasm ratio during an evening's fun is 4:1, which makes it good fun...

We're both very clear on our position, neither want a relationship and just want a bit of fun now and then.

If he wants a hook up tell him to try Tinder.

What happens if you want more?
What happens if wants more and you don't.
What happens if he finds someone else?
Why cant you get together as a couple properly if he's divorced now?
Why did he divorce, was he playing around?

I imagine he’s trawling through his past and messaging everyone who he remembers. Be wary.

🤭🤭 what have you decided? Tell me you're going for it

I've been single since dd was conceived. Im hoping to get myself fit next year and then get on hinge 🙈🙈

They only work if the woman doesn't want a relationship. Not just 'accepts that HE doesnt'. But actually doesnt want one. Which happens- it describes my current situation and FWBs work for me!

I have only done this once and here we are still together 7 years later with 2 kids. He's 6'3 😆

Are you actively dating? He’s going to use you as a stop gap for sex while he tries to meet someone he actually wants to be with. I think that’s ok if you’re both doing that, but if all your eggs are in his proverbial basket, I think you’re going to end up very hurt.

Fair point.

I had a completely unproblematic FWB for years between relationships. It worked well for us both, it was never more than sex with friendship, we were both very clear about the parameters, and we're still in touch, though we live in different countries. I think some of the responses on here show why it doesn't work for some women -- they see sex as something women give to men as a 'reward' for pretending to be interested in a relationship. I wasn't giving anyone anything when I had my FWB. Neither of us was dressing it up as anything it wasn't, or needing to feign a desire for something other than sex. It was great to have reliably good sex on tap with someone I liked.

@LittlePudding1 I agree with this!

Life is too short. If you're both single and find eachother attractive then have some bloody fun!

Is it friends with benefits, or is it a fuck buddy? I think those are two different situations and this sounds more like the latter than the former.

That might still be fine for you. Sounds like you'll enjoy it.

One thing I would suggest, that might sound a bit odd, is block out a week or two in your calendar a few months in advance and plan not to see him during that period, but take the time to think about how you're feeling about the situation and whether you still want to continue. Sometimes it can help to have some time to take a step back and reflect, and it's easier to make that happen if you plan it.

Do you not think women can have their cake and eat it as well?

I don't think any of my past FWBs behaved badly (apart from in the ways I wanted them to).

I have had a few similar relationships one was with an ex which was great fun, another was also an ex but I moved away so ended up in a LDR - we are still friends but sadly no benefits as he has grown older

Done it a few times but don't anymore. I make it to about 6 months before the thoughts of "we get on so well and the sex is electric, we should be in an actual relationship" start up. The guy has admittedly never been up for this but I can't help it. It's how I'm wired.

You're basically a placeholder so they can get their dick wet whilst waiting for someone that they do deem is relationship material. Pretty depressing really.

I don't believe in FWBs. Women act like they're empowering when they're not. They just allow men to behave badly and have their cake and eat it. Think long and hard before you agree to this kind of "arrangement".

Basically what he's saying you're good enough to shag but not good enough to contemplate having a LTR with.

The great thing about FWB situations is that you're not making any commitment and it shouldn't be anything other than enjoyable.

You can agree to his suggestion as it sounds like you're tempted, and he's hot. And if you find it doesn't work for you after the first, second, third, fourth or whatever times... you can stop it and move on. You're agreeing to fun casual sex, not making vows for a long-term commitment.

FWB situations shouldn't be overthought. If you want to do it, go for it. If it stops being fun, that's when to stop it.

You don't need to make a decision immediately

Go out with him and see how you feel

If you're both into each other, then why not enjoy some good times with an attractive man

I had a friend with benefits years ago, it was just after I left a very very physically abusive relationship, and he had left a long term relationship that ended badly. We had been friends since high school, we’d always been attracted to each other physically, and loved each other as friends-but it didn’t go any deeper than that.
We had a great time, we managed to maintain the friendship side of things throughout, we both then met other people, fell in love and got married-then naturally just drifted apart. Haven’t seen him or spoken to him in years now, I still very much care about him as a friend and I’m happy that he’s happy. We both got what we needed at the time and then moved on.
It can work, in rare circumstances, as long as you’re both in it for the same reason and nobody falls any deeper

Have you actually set eyes on him in 12 years , and vice versa ? You might meet and have changed a lot in those years and now not attracted to each other .

I'd say go for it. As long as you're happy that's all you want from him. Beware of getting feelings, it's a common thing with FWB, especially if you spend the night together etc. Keep an eye on that but you can always end the arrangement if you find it's no longer working for you.

Give it a go, what have you got to lose?!

It sounds like you’re going into it with your eyes open.

I think it’s fine, so long as you won’t be upset when he finds someone he wants to be exclusive with and ends it with you, it can be quite a slap in the face.