AIBU to think if you haven’t got your life friends from school / uni, you’ll be forever lonely??

Are you part of a gym/health club? They can be very sociable.

This is a big one for me

I made friends by joining the PTA

I'm 48 and don't have a single friend from pre 25 in my life.
All my friends have come from activity groups (sports and yoga in my case).
I have one friend and some close acquaintances I made at the school gate.

I'm in my late 30s, no kids. I moved a few years ago and it's been really hard to make friends, most women my age that I have met either have young kids or are actively trying. I found they are (understandably) prioritising friendships with others who are going through similar experiences.

I have made some wonderful friends through work. I know many on Mumsnet hate the idea of socialising with colleagues outside of work, but my colleagues are great! There are about 5 or so that I go to the gym or cinema with, have around for dinner, etc. Could you look for a non-remote job? Even if it doesn't evolve into friendships, you'd at least get some human interaction at work.

No I don't think this is true.
I see no one from school and very few people from University and don't feel in the least bit lonely.
Most friends I see regularly I have met in the last 20 years

Absolutely not. I met my closest friends in my early 30s through a new job and 7 years later we’re still the best of friends. I have zero friendships from school or uni

I’ve moved around internationally a lot, and for much of my adult life, my school and university friends have been scattered around the world. Absolutely it’s possible to make friends in later adulthood, but you will usually have to work at it, not leave it to chance. For me, looking around, identifying potential friends and/or situations in which I may meet the kind of people I like, is as much a part of arriving somewhere new as unpacking and arranging furniture.

Have a look for local walking groups. Loads are springing up in our area. Walking is a great social tool. It’s less forced as your walking side by side and you meet some lovely people. Sometimes stop for a coffee or go to a cafe after. We have a Christmas night organised next week. I’ve met some lovely people.

I have two friends I met through work in my 20s - much older now. These days I find that by involving myself in activities of some sort - sport; shared interest etc I meet people who want to know me, ask me to meet up for coffee or ask if they can come along to a group I've mentioned. I wouldn't really label these people as 'friends' but they are pleasant to share time with occasionally.

But I'm older, DC grown and have more time. My advice would be to do things you enjoy and not go out seeking friends, as when I did this I'm pretty sure I gave off loneliness and desperation vibes. Good luck.

I have made friends in both areas we have lived in , mainly through the kids - school
mums, parents that I chat to while our kids do activities . The ones I like best are the parents of my youngest child. You have three children so lots of opportunities to meet different groups.
I also have lots of friends from work. Maybe a face to face role would suit you better if you miss company ?

I moved from North Wales to Surrey, and have 3 lifelong school friends who I will always be close to. When I first moved here and the DC were young, it was harder to make friends, most of the one’s I had then were work friends, and one mum friend from school. Now the DC have grown up and I can socialise more, i’ve got lots of friends. I have signed up for 8 different friendship groups christmas meals. I joined a ladies walking group which has been amazing for meeting local friends, weekends are now long walks in the Surrey countryside and pub lunches.

I am a very sociable person but did struggle with school mum friends. Probably as I worked, but I did have some lovely mum friends from nursery (0-4 nursery), we all caught the same trains so became good friends. Our DC are 20 now, all at Uni. I’m meeting them tonight for a meal actually.

I do have close childhood friends, but the people I see most are ones I’ve met on group hikes, solo walking holidays (anrranged, group holidays, but not with DH), and dog walks.

I have good uni friends but see them infrequently due to distance. My good close friendships where I see people regularly are now from previous workplaces, and my sports club.

YABU. Of course you can make friends!

So, three people turned up to the drinks. Since they went to the drinks, it stands a chance that these three women are interested in making friends with people. Next time you run into one of them, approach them, ask how they are, and ask if they'd like to meet for coffee or whatever else. Or just message them if you don't think you'll run into them.

I'm aware that sounds overly simplistic. But a few years ago I made friends with a lady who does exactly that. It feels like she asks basically everyone she meets out for coffee. Not all of these coffee dates lead to friendships, but a great many do. She has loads of good, genuine friends.

It's really inspired me to be more forward. Before meeting her, I'd be much too anxious/awkward about it. But I've now realised it doesn't matter, and you have to just go for it!

My best friend from school died when she was fifty. I have lost a couple of uni friends, too. My oldest friend I met at uni - we meet up once a year as she lives on the opposite side of the world. I have two very good friends where I live - I met one at Church, and the other is the best friend of my son’s best friend (son and friend now married with children of their own.) My sister has loads of friends - from living abroad; from clubs she goes to; from when she used to work. Some people just have more friends than others - and even if you make friends with people, you can’t be super close to that many people. When my children were little, I didn’t socialise that much - because you are busy with your children and they are busy with theirs, or you’re at work. It’s just the way it goes - but living in Surrey, I would have thought there would be groups you could join. There will be in-person book groups if that’s what you’re interested in - or if you can’t find one, why not start one yourself with some of the other school mums?

Keep going trying to find more friends. It takes a long time. Go to mother and baby groups with your 1 year old and find some friends with other 1 year olds.

I have a small number of friends still from university but none of them live anywhere near me. None from school days.

I have some "mum" friends but a really eclectic mix, not necessarily those who had children same age as mine, in the end, just the ones with whom I really clicked. It fell into place after a very long time.

I also have lots of friends from a hobby - good idea to get babysitter to go out.

I met two of my closest friends when I was on mat leave through MeetUps. Someone had started a Meet Up for mums from our cultural group and a few of us branched off and formed what feels like life-long friendships.

I have two close school friends although as we have got older (forties ) our meet up's have become a few times a year we do catch up on what's app.

I've had work friends but have always found the friendship never went past the common ground.

I have had mum friends with all three of my kids and yes I discovered it was more friends of convenience. With my third dc there are two women I stay in touch with and sometimes meet for coffee.

My dh has 5 friends from childhood who we do couple stuff with from time to time.

I've basically accepted I'm not destined to have a big social group and I don't have a social life through my extended family either.

I keep busy with kids, work part time, I go to the gym. I do go to a book club once a month. See in-laws a couple times a month plus every few months a social event may happen . Dh and I do stuff together.

I love chatting on here as it gives me opportunity to share my views and offload in an easy way.
I recently shared a difficult experience and had hundreds of replies of support, advice and of course a bit of judgement!

If I ever feel seriously lacking I will join a meet up group or do some volunteering

Or work colleagues? Did you keep in touch from people you’ve meant in past and present jobs?

Can you not reconnect with the school friends who still live in UK? (I noted you said ‘almost all’ live abroad so I assume there are some friends who didn’t move?) What about your university friends?

I think YABU. Lasting friendship cones from all eras of your life but builds up.

Keep going, you will make friends.

So I don't have school friends left but I do have a uni crowd that meets once a year or so. We are from all over so not local friends. One local uni mate we see with family every 6 weeks. Dh has a couple of best mates from uni we see every few months.

I made a good group of baby friends but they didn't last. We are still cordial and meet occasionally. I made one baby friend who introduced me to her friendship group and they are now, 14 years on, one of my main groups.

I've retained a couple of work friends from different jobs over the years and see them rarely. They are firm friends.

I kept one great friend from nursery who I see often. She and I move in different circles but I occasionally join her friends or she mine.

I have 2 best friends and a wider circle of school mum friends now my son is in y6. I lost touch with the school mums for my eldest when he moved to secondary and now only make conversation with his new friends' mums.

I have work friends from my current job but ive been there over a decade and used to be more in person and we enjoy spending time as a team.

I have church friends as I sing in the choir. I'm 46 and that's a new group.

I plan holidays, trips out, meals, parties with all these people. I don't lack for friends. I've built them up over time and retained all the friends I've had over 46 years.

The one thing I have had to accept with regards to this is that I can't always have "equal friendships". I was lucky to make friends at toddler groups but these people tend to have family nearby or old school friends that will take priority. Because I don't have these things I need them more than they need me but it's fine as long as you don't act needy.

I have moved around a fair bit, although I now live where I grew up, childhood friends are now in the minority for me and not the closest.

I have made great friends over the years and moves at amateur dramatics, school parent council, school run/play dates, sport and volunteering.

Many things have I tried that did not result in any friendships at all. I kept going if I enjoyed the thing anyway.

My gang from sport/volunteering are all ages, male and female.

Like a couple of people have said, it's a numbers game, try as many things as possible. Might take ages.

I only have one friend left from school. I have very close friends from Uni but they all live hundreds of miles away so I'm lucky if I see them more than a couple of times a year.

But I've got amazing friends from when my DC were babies, and amazing friends from the other school Mums. I don't tend to socialise with these people that much, if ever, without the kids. Our friendships have been formed bit by bit in the background of playdates, and babysitting favours, and family meals, and standing around in the playground while the kids zoom around together after school. Maybe for now just focus on socialising with people during the course of your day - at the school gates, at various baby/toddler groups with the 1 year old - rather than thinking about meeting up with people in evenings and weekends. That is precious family time for a lot of people but that doesn't mean they don't want to or can't be good friends.