AIBU to think if you haven’t got your life friends from school / uni, you’ll be forever lonely??

That sounds promising OP.

Most of my good friends are through work ( teacher) and church. In recent years I joined an adult ballet class and have made friends there.

Mate - you need to tell your DH the brutal truth that unless you and him have a decent relationship then you’ll end up divorcing and he will lose half of that BIG JOB money.

I work in finance, I see it a lot. Divorced dads talk a lot about money.

sounds like something needs to change

When I was new in town I approached loads of mums at toddler groups many moved away looking concerned 😀 others became my people 15 years later we are heading out for a night on the town right now!

Well done op!

Yes sport good. I meet a few for coffee. Met through our daughters sport they 18 now! Have few school mams. One mam from my primary while lovely she takes weeks to commit.. find people flaky since covid. But one said wends just fill up she no free time. Def harder now people dont commit. Im 50s

I struggle with this too. I am not as social as you (want to be) so this is not what I have done, but my SIL has.

Say yes to everything. Give it a try.

Accept friendships will take a while to build - it is not like all being in the same situation.

It takes a concerted effort and you may need to do things that wouldn't necessarily be what you expected. Volunteering for PTA, joining a choir, sports team or running club.

Don't rule out MeetUp groups - if there is an event you find interesting go along with the aim of enjoying the event and if you meet friendly people that's a bonus.

SIL's kids are older so childcare isn't an issue but she has also done some group activity holidays and days out - some are women only.

What would be different if you moved area to "start again"? Unless you move to somewhere you have an established group of friends then you would be in the same position you are - except without the acquaintance/school mum friends you have. So if you like where you live and kids are settled that wouldn't be my suggestion.

I don't have any friends from school or university. I've changed a lot since then and it has been hard to maintain friendships as our lives have gone in different directions.

Most of my friends are from work, plus one from a shared hobby and one who I met at a singles event (a woman - we bonded over how terrible the men were!)

I have just moved to a new country by myself and have no friends here. My plan is to go 'meetup' style social events and to join a running club. It's pretty daunting because I've moved here as it's about to be winter (and winters here are brutal) so I'm not sure how up for socialising people are going to be.

I think you just have to put yourself out there, as PP said, as difficult as it can sometimes be.

I have no school friends, and only a couple of uni friends. I'm in my 50s with two young teens (13,16).

• at work (I really hit it off with a new starter whose ds is a bit older than mine).
• as a Cub leader
• on the committee of after school club
• through a local cycling club
• at the gym
• pottery evening class

Sadly, I never really had friends from school or Uni. I was at boarding school and never really made friends there. I switched Uni each time between degree, MSc and then PhD and was totally focused on study. I really do notice that difference with DH who has old school friends, I just don't!

Sport is a great way to meet people. I was a very good hockey player, and made good friends that way. We moved to our current location in the south east only 3 years ago, and the people I've met here are through running and church. It was the same when we lived for a few years in Dublin Ireland, i.e., nice friends made via sport and church.

One friend from primary school, but she has lived the other side of the world since she was 21. None from secondary or uni. A couple from a course I did as a mum of young children -it was quite interactive, and we continued it on a self-learning basis after the course finished. A couple from an outdoor hobby with lots of time for chatting, and 3 from playing music together. A couple from an internet chat group.

But the easiest source has been voluntary work, particularly when I’ve offered to be on a committee. If you’re treasurer, or membership secretary, people need to talk to you, so even if you’re a shrinking violet you get drawn in.

it is really hard.
I went to boarding school when I was 15 so lost touch with the people went to school with up until then, a few I am 'facebook friends' with.
Boarding school friends are spread over the world so dont really keep in touch.
Dropped out of uni then me and DH went travelling and lived abroad for a few years. Again friends from that era are just facebook friends.
We then moved to a small town and had kids. Over the years I have had various groups of 'mum' friends but they fade away as kids get older etc.

Now mine are all teens and my friendship groups consist of

• DS2 best friends mum - we are really good friends and do stuff with and without the boys. Been away as families on holiday etc. However, we live very close to her family and friends from school so I am not her 'main friendship group' although I do go to things with her and them sometimes.
• Work - we are a small company and all get on really well so although again are not each others 'main' group we spend a lot of time with each other and do lots of things outside of work too.
• Scouts- Me and DH volunteer with scouts so have created a lovely friendship group there. It also takes up some of our time with camps and planning etc. We also do things like leaders socials, hikes, weekends away etc.

I've met all my good adult friends through work. That way we've got much more in common than exercise classes or school gate with its randomness. The chances of finding likeminded people with similar enthusiasms is much higher.

I wished I had made more friends in my 30s. I did have quite a few friends but then one I fell out with, and several of the others basically dumped me.
For years I kept up with people from uni but it became clear it was all about me making the effort and travelling to them across country, not even meeting half way. So they fell apart.
Im now finding 50 is a hard age. The groups near me are very split into women in their 20/30s, people much much older (my WI average age seems to be about 80). Some of the people I do meet don’t want more friends.

I think it's quite common tbh. Of course there are exceptions.

Our PTA is the biggest clique going. They come across as if they’re a cut above the rest of us and I say my pleasantries but that’s about it.

I speak for our school. No one else’s.

Part of me thinks we up sticks, move and start again!!

Well, that might need to happen. If you've tried everything typically suggested on these threads over a period of years in your current environment, and nothing has worked, then, yes, I would consider moving. Sometimes person and place are just a poor fit, and then all the efforts in the world won't produce friends.

I'm a socially-confident person, who has never struggled with friendships, but I lived in one place for seven years where the kind of people whose company I enjoy simply didn't live there, so it was a social desert. I did make friends at work in the nearest city, but it did contribute to us deciding to move on.

In your shoes, I'd do it sooner rather than later, because of the ages of your children.

I am really lucky that my 4 closest friends (all of who are my bridesmaids) I met at school. 3 I actually went to school with, and one I met through a friend. 22 years later we’re still all very close.

my DP though hasn’t got any friends from school and instead has met his friends through work - his closest friend he worked with 7 years ago and they are as close as brothers. i’ve never made any long standing work friendships.

I think for me now if I wanted to make friends it’d be through a hobby - I have met people I genuinely like through a book club and also through volunteering so that’s definitely a way I’d recommend!

I do have sympathy, OP - I’m a bit the same.
Long before email, my parents moved 100 miles away during my first year at uni, so almost inevitably I lost touch with school friends.

Very soon after marrying dh and I spent over 13 years abroad. Again well before email, so I lost touch with the few real friends from uni.

I did make good friends among other expats, but eventually we all left and almost inevitably they are very scattered, none of them live anywhere near.

I’m still in touch with 2 ‘house share’ friends from in between uni and marriage, but they both live a long drive away too.

I did make one very good friend from dds’ senior school mums, but tragically she died even before they’d done their A levels. And TBH, after so many years away, I never had much in common with other school mums.

I’ve got friends from pre retirement work, but there’s only one I’d ever say was more or less on the same wavelength, and none is what I’d call ‘close’.
Probably just as well I’m not too bothered about it all, but then (unlike a dd!I). I never was a super-sociable extrovert.

I think being in your thirties it is a tough time for making friends, your peer group are often busy and exhausted by day to day parenting.
If you have moved around a lot it's also difficult. I wouldn't expect a lot of school Mums. I made some casual short-term friends during this time but nothing stuck because we really didn't have much in common other than children the same age.
I think you need to follow your interests and friendships will follow. I firmly believe that friendships are better as a slow burn rather than a quick and intense relationship that some people prefer.
When you find people you click with you sort of know and "grab" them.
I have also moved a lot and have no friends from my early life but have plenty of friends ...picked up from various places- volunteering, work, hobbies, a neighbour and a friend who started off as a colleague of my husband.

Try crafting there might be a knit /crochet night near you or one run by a guild if you are interested. I go to one weekly for 2 hours on a Monday just as a way of connecting with other knitters and just chat and I get to have some space for me. I do have mum friends and friends from school I still meet, but none of them enjoy my hobbies and knitters and other crafters are very friendly.

Start a book or any club with the school mums. It will give you a focus.

can you think about working in an office again? It really can be a boost.

don’t give up! I’m closer to friends I’ve made in the last 10 years than at school now as we have more in common. Others will feel the same

My best friends I made after 30. You have to get out there and do things. Week after week. People start as just 'hobby friends' but gradually you might find you get on well with an individual when you have coffee afterwards and eventually suggest a hobby group related outing etc etc. Takes time and you have to put yourself out there. I wfh part time and it's isolating so I also volunteer on my day off. I haven't made friends as such but enjoy the social.interaction and it feels more like living. Oh and I also invest time in family members - they can be an amazing support network. That means I don't need as much from friendships which I think helps. People don't want to feel they're your therapist on the whole.

My DD complains that her classmates are friends only because their parents went to school together and she can't break in. And she's not wrong, they are a cliceqy group.
Like you I have moved lot. What works for me is finding people who are also not from the area, and getting involved with Guides and other kids clubs. I've made some good friends that way.