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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it’s rude for people to say ‘you look exhausted’

86 replies

Beeloux · 28/11/2024 22:04

AIBU to find it really rude?

I’m one of those people who looks reasonable with makeup but without I look do look haggard and older than my age (27). I’m naturally very pale and have always had sunken eyes.

Today on the school run, one of the mothers commented how exhausted I look. I do tend to wear makeup but have recently been going makeup free. I sleep well and eat healthily.

I feel mortified after she said that and feel like I need to start wearing makeup again!

OP posts:
Hello113 · 28/11/2024 22:32

I am ABSOLUTELY with you. I can't stand it. Who wants to hear that they look tired??? A senior colleague told me the other day how pale I looked compared to my two colleagues I was sat with...I am pale. That is my skin colour. I was like okay???

Rhaidimiddim · 28/11/2024 22:31

If you look exhausted, though, they are being empathic.
Either they don't know your base look, in which case cut them some slack ( sibce you agree you do have an "exhausted"look). Or, if they do, accept is at them expressing concern because you look more exhausted than they are used to.
In the former case, learn to say "I always look like this - Victorian heroine, me!" with a smile.

Roystonv · 28/11/2024 22:26

Definitely the other way, to me it means you care enough to look at the person and note how they look. Which is then an idea of how life is going for them. It can be recognition that you know they have been having a tough time or a chance for them to open up to you. However I am 64 and maybe it is taken differently now.

NewName24 · 28/11/2024 22:25

YABU, I would take that as someone being concerned about me and checking I was okay.

Original poster
Beeloux · 28/11/2024 22:21

Thanks all, I just laughed and said I always look like this without makeup on. I could understand if I always wore makeup and this was the first time I hadn’t but I haven’t worn any for the last few weeks so have looked my natural haggard self for a while!

OP posts:
NeedSomeComfy · 28/11/2024 22:16

I don't know... If she's used to seeing you with make up and today you weren't wearing it then you probably did look different and more tired. Maybe she was concerned. If you never wore make up and looked the same every day then it's not a great comment to make.

Onlyvisiting · 28/11/2024 22:13

I once said to someone in response to telling me (unsolicited, an acquaintance not a friend) 'thanks, its always nice to be told you look like you feel'.
They just looked bemused but it made me feel better 😅.
Substitute 'worse than you feel' if in fact you aren't exhausted!

Comedycook · 28/11/2024 22:09

So rude. Hate it when people say this unless they're incredibly close friends or family saying it with genuine care.

BaklavaRocks · 28/11/2024 22:09

I think I've seen other threads on Mumsnet about this. I've also heard other people complain about this phrase.

Personally I think people get way to offended these days.

If you look exhausted, then you look exhausted!

If you r not exhausted just say so!

I'm always exhausted so wouldn't care if someone said that's how I look! If I wasn't exhausted though, and someone said I looked like I was, I wouldn't be offended by the comment! I'd just say 'actually, for once, I'm not that tired!!! what makes you think I look tired?' and then I'd maybe make a joke or.something!

rayofsunshine86 · 28/11/2024 22:08

Esdale · 28/11/2024 22:06

Just say a breezy "Thanks! You too!"

But yes, it's pretty rude.

I'd never thought to say that back... I'm going to try it next time 😆

Esdale · 28/11/2024 22:06

Just say a breezy "Thanks! You too!"

But yes, it's pretty rude.

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