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Original poster

Manager being awkward as grandfather's funeral is 23rd Dec

116 replies

Mokel · 28/11/2024 22:02

I work in retail. Grandfather died on Sunday and confirmed his funeral is on Monday 23rd December. For those who need reminding, 23rd Dec or Xmas Eve Eve is the busiest day of the year for retail.

My aunt and her OH arranged the funeral to before Xmas as not to dwell over us over the period.

My employer allows us to have time off for the funeral if its parents, grandparents, partner, children, grandchildren and ILs.

My manager has reacted badly to this. Granddad was my last grandparent. My grandmother on the other side of my family died 20 years ago. Granddad's wife, died when I was 2 years old suddenly. Have no memory of her - though there are a few photos of me being held by her as a baby.

I am not happy at the way I am treated at work because of this. I hate going to work now.

OP posts:
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TunipTheVegimal24 · 01/12/2024 00:12

Mokel · 30/11/2024 20:11

I got the day off. Manager is just acting like a complete arse.

At least he knows I’m off. Though people do become ill before Xmas

Glad your manager has finally decided to act in a normal way, like a human being 🙄x

Itsaowl · 30/11/2024 20:26

When I was a student I worked in retail, in a supermarket, and on Christmas Eve I got an ear infection and had to call in sick. My manager reacted badly too but this was about 20 years ago and it doesn’t matter anymore. Your manager is just being difficult because it’s created a problem for him, but YANBU - these things happen and they’ll manage. Just ignore him as best you can and look for a new job in the new year if you want to.

Grahamhousehushand · 30/11/2024 20:19

I am sorry for your loss.

Seriously rise above it. Unless it makes your working conditions intolerable or he starts victimizing you for this for example by giving you worse duties than other colleagues between now and the funeral. In which case raise a grievance.

But if it's just pointed remarks rise above it. At some point he will experience his own loss, health need or need to care for a loved one in a crisis and will need others to extend him a bit of grace. And he will learn. Shame he hasn't learnt yet.

And when you are the manager one day be a good one. I hope your Grandad was a good one and if he was like mine he would have told you not to let the bastards grind you down.

Original poster
Mokel · 30/11/2024 20:11

I got the day off. Manager is just acting like a complete arse.

At least he knows I’m off. Though people do become ill before Xmas

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 30/11/2024 19:59

Can you tell us what he’s doing to make you uncomfortable? You get the day because it’s company policy, he has plenty of notice, he’s being unreasonable if he’s being off with you.

luckylavender · 30/11/2024 19:47

SnoopysHoose · 28/11/2024 22:36

Over 4 weeks for a funeral? is that the only date they could book? seems a very long wait.

Oh for goodness sake. It's different everywhere

luckylavender · 30/11/2024 19:45

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 28/11/2024 22:21

If you're really feeling bad about it, what I would do is print out some proof (death certificate/ order of funeral service or similar) and give it to your manager. Yes I know you shouldn't have to, but if it's hanging over you and you feel awkward at work I would do it just to get the manager off your back (and hopefully, make him feel guilty). Then once you've done that refuse to feel guilty or bad any more. You're entitled to that day off paid so don't spend one more moment feeling bad about it.
Sorry for the loss of your grandfather.

He's not accusing her of lying

Wherethewildthingsfart · 30/11/2024 19:33

Mokel · 29/11/2024 09:26

He’s not happy about getting the day off as it’s a funeral. I need the whole day off as it’s 80 miles away.

Also how does he react if a colleague breaks a bone or needs emergency surgery in December as it has happened.

But he’s not said no?

SnoopysHoose · 30/11/2024 19:29

@Nolegusta
Thankfully someone else who has experienced quicker dates, yes a PM an add a week or so. The only wait we have had is death on 23/12 funeral 13/1

soupfiend · 29/11/2024 18:24

Im not sure it makes a difference whether its paid leave or not does it. Does OP specify its paid leave?

Pottedpalm · 29/11/2024 16:14

It seems there is no legal right to paid leave for funerals so the company policy appears very generous. Is it a written policy?

Pottedpalm · 29/11/2024 16:03

Completelyjo · 29/11/2024 09:28

I’m surprised a retail contract even gives you paid leave for a grandparent’s funeral.

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I’m very surprised. Schools I have worked in would not include grandparents among ‘close family’ and whilst leave would most likely be granted it would be unpaid.

LemonadeQueen · 29/11/2024 15:09

What did the union say?

FelixtheAardvark · 29/11/2024 09:39

SnoopysHoose · 28/11/2024 22:36

Over 4 weeks for a funeral? is that the only date they could book? seems a very long wait.

It took 6 weeks before we could bury my DF. Seems a perfectly normal wait to me.

MassiveOvaryaction · 29/11/2024 09:35

Startingagainandagain · 29/11/2024 08:51

'@MassiveOvaryaction
Would the manager be less awkward if you offered to take the time off unpaid (only if you can afford it)?'

Why should she? if the company has a policy of offering paid leave for the funeral of a close relative, the OP is perfectly entitled to it.

It is the manager's own problem if they decide to be 'awkward about it'...

Totally agree she should be able to take leave as per their policy, but offering to take it unpaid may make the manager less shitty as they can use what they were going to pay op to get someone in to cover. Surprised it's policy tbh.

HeadinSand81 · 29/11/2024 09:34

Having worked in retail as a junior many years ago it's awful. It's the attitude of the managers etc, they are power hungry insecure people.

However in turn he's probably miffed as he'll be a pair of hands down on a busy day, plenty of time for him to get a temp in to support.

You just focus on the funeral, don't let him make you feel bad. That's in your control.

And OP I'm very sorry for the loss of your Grandfather.

Completelyjo · 29/11/2024 09:28

Mokel · 28/11/2024 22:15

He is not happy in giving me the day paid on the busiest day of the year for us. He feels I am inconvenienced him.

I can't help for having a grandfather dying now.

Show quote history

I’m surprised a retail contract even gives you paid leave for a grandparent’s funeral.

Original poster
Mokel · 29/11/2024 09:26

He’s not happy about getting the day off as it’s a funeral. I need the whole day off as it’s 80 miles away.

Also how does he react if a colleague breaks a bone or needs emergency surgery in December as it has happened.

OP posts:
Wherethewildthingsfart · 29/11/2024 09:05

My manager has reacted badly to this

In what way? Not letting you have the day off?

Sorry for your loss.

ilovesooty · 29/11/2024 09:03

If company policy is that you are entitled to the time you will of course be attending the funeral. What has your manager actually said / done?

ATuinTheGreat · 29/11/2024 08:56

UneFoisAuChalet · 28/11/2024 23:14

When my great uncle died, I was in my first job out of Uni and I suppose a bit naive about the workforce. I took the day off and the next day my manager breezily asked me if I was taking it as a holiday or no pay. Apparently as he was just an ‘uncle’ he didn’t fall under any company policy.

I was outraged that she dared to compare my uncle’s funeral as a ‘holiday.’ He may not have been classed as a ‘parent’ but he effectively was my granddad. His brother, my grandfather, had died when I was young so ‘Mon Oncle Gerry’ took his place.

I didn’t like my employer dictating when and how I was allowed to mourn my loved one. It’s like a line was crossed and left a bad taste in my mouth. I left soon after.

I’d like to believe that the concept of what constitutes a family changes over the years. We took the day off for my neighbour’s funeral because she had been such a support to me when I first moved to England.

Obviously some fuckers will claim ‘my Nan (cough wink wink) died I need the week off’ but most people won’t.

Edited

I would not expect to be given a day off on full pay for a Great Uncle’s funeral. Or a grandparent for that matter.

They weren’t comparing your Uncle’s funeral to a “holiday” at all, they were using the word “holiday” as many people and companies do - meaning “annual leave entitlement.”

So in an ideal world maybe they should have asked “do you want to take it as a day’s annual leave or unpaid?” but other than that I don’t think they did anything wrong at all in your case.

Rosesanddaffs · 29/11/2024 08:53

@Mokel your manager sounds like an insensitive arsehole. You are entitled to the day off and longer need be.

Is there a policy for compassionate leave at your workplace? We get 5 days.

I’m so sorry for your loss, take as long as you need, grief is a strange emotion, go to his boss or HR, you don’t need to be dealing with this on top of a bereavement xx

Startingagainandagain · 29/11/2024 08:51

'@MassiveOvaryaction
Would the manager be less awkward if you offered to take the time off unpaid (only if you can afford it)?'

Why should she? if the company has a policy of offering paid leave for the funeral of a close relative, the OP is perfectly entitled to it.

It is the manager's own problem if they decide to be 'awkward about it'...

MassiveOvaryaction · 29/11/2024 08:47

When you say 'reacted badly', have they refused the leave or are they just pissed off? Are you planning to take the whole day or just the time for the funeral? Would the manager be less awkward if you offered to take the time off unpaid (only if you can afford it)?
Depending on your notice period leaving your job may not actually help. Plus can you afford to be without it while you look for another?

AngelinaFibres · 29/11/2024 08:44

WetBandits · 28/11/2024 22:47

Yes, my Dad’s funeral was almost 4 weeks after he died. There are more deaths in the winter months.

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And you don't get last minute cancellations like you do with weddings/ parties etc. Funerals aren't rescheduled.

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