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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to do any more driving lessons ?

190 replies

cannotDrive · 28/11/2024 21:26

Immense pressure from DH and family to try to get my licence. I simply can’t.

I had lessons when I was 18 (manual) I couldn’t do it at all. Changed instructors and still couldn’t do it. Tried automatic and still
the same. I started to get panic attacks and had to stop lessons at 22.
I tried again aged 30 and it was the same. I managed to pass my theory test after 3 attempts . The whole thing caused me so much stress and I just couldn’t do it at all. Made no progress and cried before lessons during lessons and had shaking attacks after that lasted hours. I have ASD and ADHD so i think this is why I simply can’t drive.

I manage by getting taxis or walking. If one of the dc has an appointment then dh drives them. If MIL or FIL need help then Dh does it and he has asked me to try again because it would make his life easier and said I should try as there’s no reason why I can’t. But I really can’t ! Plus I don’t want to have that much stress again. AIBU to not put myself through driving lessons ever again ?

OP posts:
Scammersarescum · 28/11/2024 21:44

cannotDrive · 28/11/2024 21:30

I think I manage fine. I do wish I could drive but I can’t. That’s the only reason I tried so hard again aged 30 as I didn’t want to have just given up but it was worse ! For some reason I just couldn’t coordinate any of the things I needed to do

Driving isn't for everyone OP.

If it's upsetting you this much then it's not worth it.

I has a friend take the test a multitude of times, she did eventually pass. But she gave up driving approximately 5 years later. She just found it too much. She struggles with knowing left from right and was always scared

We can't all be good at every single thing

Spondoolies · 28/11/2024 21:43

Yeah just want to add, it’s ok if you don’t want to do it and I totally get it

Original poster
cannotDrive · 28/11/2024 21:42

HeddaGarbled · 28/11/2024 21:41

If MIL or FIL need help then Dh does it and he has asked me to try again because it would make his life easier

Woah. He wants you to drive so you can look after his parents instead of him doing it?

Yes they always ask for favours and he says it’s all down to him. They are his parents though ??!

OP posts:
sparklyfox · 28/11/2024 21:42

I failed my test 3 times when I was 18 and then took a 10 year gap. I found that having a lesson a day intensively (3 weeks in my case) made all the difference (I did that and passed on first attempt). When you're just having one or two a week enough time has passed that all the anxiety comes back and you've no muscle memory built up. If you do a short lesson every day your confidence will increase much sooner.

PassingStranger · 28/11/2024 21:41

Give up if you want. Driving isn't for everyone.

HeddaGarbled · 28/11/2024 21:41

If MIL or FIL need help then Dh does it and he has asked me to try again because it would make his life easier

Woah. He wants you to drive so you can look after his parents instead of him doing it?

Original poster
cannotDrive · 28/11/2024 21:41

Dh says ‘but don’t you want a nice car??’ And ‘you could drive to work !’ (But I love sitting on the train with a coffee it’s like decompression time not the boring awful commute he thinks it is)

OP posts:
GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 28/11/2024 21:39

Is there somewhere near you where you can go for (proper, with an instructor) lessons where there's no other cars?
Supermarket car park when the shop is shut, that kind of thing, and just have a go at controlling the car. Not having to worry about traffic and road rules and things, just getting to grips with starting and stopping and steering, and see how you go?

Spondoolies · 28/11/2024 21:37

I’ve always had huge anxiety around driving and only now in my forties started, I’ve got to a point where I think ‘fuck it’ faced my fears and done it. People who aren’t anxious about it will never get it! Is there a driving track sort of place you could learn the actual driving part without going on the roads until you feel more comfortable? For me it’s the other drivers that are scary!

Original poster
cannotDrive · 28/11/2024 21:36

I just had this urge to grip the steering wheel and only look forward it was like my brain couldn’t do anything else ?? I thought it would get easier but it just got worse. I must be really stupid too as took 3 attempts to pass the theory test and when l did pass it was only just

OP posts:
Imisscoffee2021 · 28/11/2024 21:33

Just to add I also had a wobble and tried to slow down but my instructor recognised the jitters and pushed on and it did click, and now 7 months later is like clockwork just changing gears and balancing the clutch etc, but I remember approaching roundabouts and the steps needed to come down in speed, fears, look for a gap, change lanes etc just felt so insurmountable at the time, they felt like a hundred things to do before I could even think, was scary!

Imisscoffee2021 · 28/11/2024 21:31

Driving is seen as this basic life skill and it so isn't! I learned late on as lived in London so no need to drive, was 35 when I passed and had never had lessons, and it felt insane that people are allowed to drive these huge dangerous machines around. Its definitely not something everyone can do or should do and you've recognised its not for you, your family do just want to make their lives easier. My husband doesnt want to learn for various reasons and that's fine, I'll ferry him and our kiddo about or he can use public transport when I can't. Don't do anymore lessons if they make you feel that way.

Original poster
cannotDrive · 28/11/2024 21:30

I think I manage fine. I do wish I could drive but I can’t. That’s the only reason I tried so hard again aged 30 as I didn’t want to have just given up but it was worse ! For some reason I just couldn’t coordinate any of the things I needed to do

OP posts:
Thatdarncat44 · 28/11/2024 21:28

If DH couldn't drive could you manage life without a driving parent? If yes, no need to drive.

Littletreefrog · 28/11/2024 21:28

I suspect they want you to learn to make their lives easier. Even if you put yourself through all that and somehow managed to pass would you ever confidently drive anywhere by yourself? It doesn't sound like it so what's the point.