Secondary school does not allow D.Martens

There shouldn't even be the issue of trying to 'convince' a 11 or 12 year old to wear the right shoes to school.Just buy her a pair of acceptable school shoes. It's not difficult. You are the parent.

The problem these days is that too many parents pander to what the children want. They have forgotten who the adult is and who should be guiding who.

It's not surprising why school are concerned after the answer she gave. It's not harassment to say the school rules need to be followed.

Unfortunately where you get large groups of young people together you're always going to have some sort of issue - kids being horrible to each other, families with historic fueds etc. I've worked in lovely schools and you still get an element of this. Teach your daughter to focus on herself and her education and not get involved in other people's drama. Get her some plain black shoes.

What a load of rubbish! I say this as a mum whose DS is now out of the school system and is now a young adult.

i was always a mum that wanted to do the right thing and responded to and respected teachers. Until I had my DS enter the school system, and i realised that some of them were just bonkers or power mad.

Secondary school we had a year head who was - frankly - an idiot - well known among the teaching staff as thick as mince., the calls I had from him were pure comedy - like telling me my ds had been playing with a bit of cucumber on the desk in wet day break room. i was told 'think about the allergens..' I had to tell him that if anyone was allergic to cucumber and it being 98% water, they'd have bigger issues on a rainy day than my son playing with some cucumber'

DS shot up one year and his school shirts (already the biggest school shirt size i could get and £££) stopped staying tucked in. he wanted to give him an afterschool detention for that. The late bus was not running due to post covid and i told him that this was not an afterschool detention level 'crime' - he sent me a really snotty and rude email at like 9pm at night and I went to the head and had a calm conversation about proportionality and reason. no afterschool detention required.

My advice to you @corporategreen is to ignore it for now. You have put in a transfer request. Tell them that you have spent a lot of money on her school shoes that were compliant and identical to the kickers worn by everyone else. You will replace them WHEN she has grown out of them. Invite them to stump up the cash for kickers replacement if that doesn't suit.

you said Then in one of the meetings they asked Dd why she loves her DMs so much and why she is so attached to it and she reply along the lines that it is because it makes her feel safe as they are strong and sturdy and she feels that she can kick bullies if needed. Were you in this meeting? if not, then be VERY clear on this that they are NOT to harangue her on the decisions YOU make on her school uniform, they are not trainers, they are not high heels they are ankle books like everyone else wears and as above, you will replace when appropriate.

Sometimes schools go for the parents who listen and don't bother with those who don't. You are not doing anything wrong. keep up with the line about them focusing on their bullying problem and not persisting with this nonsense in the meantime. Tell them that if they persist in this line in tackling your daughter directly you will go to the governors.

Ultimately, your DD is leaving, it doesn't matter if you are 'that parent' they are 'that shit school'

so any high school that has fights between families has no uniform policy, for every other pupil entirely nothing to do with said fight? Good luck with that

This exactly.
It’s not that difficult to adhere to the uniform rules.
How on earth can schools be expected to maintain discipline and decent standards if parents won’t support them. You need to provide your DD with the correct uniform and send her to school in it.
Parents should be supporting and not undermining school rules.

They are not allowed. That is it. You may not agree but that is what the school have stated. There has to be a cut off.

Now teachers and other school staff are spending vast amounts of time on this when they could be dealing with some of the other issues you have mentioned which are much more serious.

Your child will have a great career I am sure, already being encouraged to ignore school rules and threaten to be violent - poor kid.

my DD school did allow plain DM shoes as school shoes - it's not the brand that is a problem

When you pick the next school for your child look at the rules and policies they set and if you aren't prepared to abide by them don't apply.

I'm definitely with the school. Jeez

Yes, the school sounds like it’s underperforming. I’m thinking that a cohort of the school population comes from homes with complicated social issues, highlighted by the fact that that family members/parents are involved in assaults, and those assaults are video recorded and posted on YouTube.
Yes, you are right that these systemic issues need to be addressed. Are you saying that until that happens, the school uniform is null and void? As in…we don’t have to follow the school uniform policy until all of the children and their ASBO behaviours are sorted out?

100%

Setting this kid up for a miserable existence when, as an adult, she doesn’t get to have her own way all of the time.

but in future: if you see videos, alert the head with a link immediately.

You can also flag it to YouTube and tell them to take it down.

This is nonsense and you are being ridiculous. DMs are not even shoes, let alone school shoes. Wear something that is in line with school rules, you presumably had access to the uniform info before committing to sending your kid there.

hate this attitude from parents

I have never encountered a school that would allow Doc Martens as school shoes...

Are you from another country? I only ask because I think this is the sort of thing that would be completely obvious to anyone who grew up in the UK, although now you say it, I suppose the phrasing of "black shoes" could be ambiguous if you don't know that "school shoes" is an entire category of its own. The wording is usually something like "smart black shoes, no boots, no sandals, no trainers, no open toes, heels no higher than 2 inches". You need to go into a shoe shop and ask to see their "school shoe section", and then pick a shoe from that section (avoiding trainer-style shoes if the school rules specifically forbid them).

The school sounds awful for its bullying, and it's good your daughter is transferring soon, but if you move to a new school they are extremely unlikely to allow Doc Martens either.

Jesus . The school has a uniform policy . Stick to it . All you're doing is teaching your kid she doesn't have to follow any rules if you or she don't agree with them . Not going to help if hopefully when she enters the work place .

Our school bans boots but not shoes so plenty of the kids wear the DM lace ups and they look really smart

Are you attempting to share the (thankfully now unavailable) video of a child being beaten up? Why? It's nothing to do with your DDs shoes, and I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate someone sharing a video of your DD in that circumstance. Grow up.

You might want to get that screenshot removed OP, the name of the school is clearly visible on my screen.

OP, it matters not a jot that other DC are wearing kickers. That's for their parents to discuss with the school. You parent your DC; the school policy is no boots, only shoes. Your place in this argument is pro-school. Keep your powder dry for issues where your DD really needs your support.

well i've said it before and i'll say it again: British school uniform rules are utter batshit.

I've heard from family members that Docs shoes weren't allowed "because of the yellow stitching".* That would have tempted me to put on my actual steel toecapped docs and gone and asked them if they were on glue.

As it is:you're stuck now. So get school shoes and teach DD "no comment" until you can get there to talk to teachers.

*sharpie and boot polish was going to be an issue until the head backed down and "allowed" that

Move schools if I were you. If there is a bullying atmosphere at the school, GO. That's more important than the shoes/boots. It is miserable being in an environment like that.