Asking fathers permission to propose

😁

Agree. The whole thing is weird. If you live together (and even more if you have children), big proposals are weird. You've already committed.

Would any of you adult women ask your parents blessing to take a job, buy a house, have a baby, take up Rock
climbing?

Has anyone posted this yet?

In a similar vein to your thread OP
How many women have their fathers walk them up the aisle. This means the fathers are ‘giving them away’

Anyone considered what side you stand at at the alter in a church wedding?( Or even in a registry office, although this seems bizarre )
For those of you who have married did you realise you were standing on the left side!

Did you do similar with your future in-laws?

I like the idea of asking for parents' support/blessing but I would have wanted to do that as a couple and with both parents.

The logic behind doing it man to man and one side of the family only escapes me

I have been married for over 25 years and it was very outdated even then. Women are not the possession of their fathers. The whole thing gives me the ick.

DH didn't - we told them together as some of the first people to know. Wasn't given away either - small registry office but close family were there.

DH says if anyone of our DDs partners asks him he'll think less of them - and may say no to see what they do - though in practise not sure how he'll respond - probably with a startled okay - and a wtf for years afterwards.

So why didn't she ask for your blessing?

I’m Irish and living in Ireland but my partner’s daughters were born and raised in England. Both his sons in law asked permission to marry his daughters. I found it amusing but just assumed it was an English thing, I’m finding this thread interesting.

My BIL asked my dad's permission to marry my sister. Sadly, this didn't demonstrate anything good about him because he turned out to be an abusive bastard. He just knows when to turn the charm on to fool people.

My husband asked both my parents (they're not together but asked my Dad, took my mum out for lunch & asked her etc). I thought it was a lovely touch and cemented the support - and I'd be very touched if my children's future partners asked us before proposing!

Why your DH and not you?

I like tradition. Most traditions have changed from their origin method or meaning but we continue them because of the fact they are traditions and feel special, and some (like the partner asking permission/seeking a blessing from FIL before proposing) are used to show respect or because they r a way to include family in our celebrating.

I also celebrate Christmas, even though I disagree with religion and most of the teachings of the bible.

I celebrate Easter even though I don't agree with lots of Christianity.

I'm happy to attend a firework display even though blowing up the houses of parliament isn't my thing! Or burning someone on a bonfire doesn't really marry with my current views on rehabilitation.

Do you celebrate Christmas OP? Is it not a bit outdated to celebrate the birth of a man who claimed to be the son of god (who it was also claimed happened to be male - how mysoginistic)? and who sporned a religion which opposed gay marriage until v recently? ... Or maybe it's ok to keep these traditions alive because the meaning has changed (for some) but the practice continues to be cherished by many....

😁

Your DD wouldn't marry someone if you hadn't given your blessing?! That is unusual.

DH didn't ask my DF - my dad was so lovely and would have said to ask me

My BIL rang my dad to ask him before proposing to my sister. My dad refused to let him even get the question out (knew what it was as soon as his number popped up on his phone) and just said it wasn't him that needed to be asked, but that if they did have any news at any point he and my mum would be very happy.

DH and I sort of just decided to start planning a wedding so no proposal or anything.

A friend got a bit of flack for not asking his FIL. He just said he knew either his partner or the FIL (who he got on great with) would be unhappy so he made his choice.

No 🙄But DH had discussed it with them.

Yeah I think one of the things I dislike about it is that role play element.

Similar to how I feel about proposals. Quite often the couple have chosen a ring together, booked a trip, in one case I know of had a friend ready and primed to video it to put on Instagram, wtf is the point of asking the question?!

Posters who are saying their husbands didn't ask their PILs permission but asked for their blessing but surely that's still a similarly outdated thing.

I understand a bride or groom telling their parents that they are getting married before telling everyone else but asking for approval is weird!

My partner, years ago, asked my Dad before he asked me. I didn't actually want to get married.

No and for a very good reason. They were both so abusive of him growing up, police et al all involved after too many hospital admissions from beatings, he now has a court enforced injunction banning them from any contact. My DH is now his next of kin so in a way he asked his dad and her dad at the same time.

I have never heard anyone say this.
This one sentence makes it clear what a silly concept it is.

If you're a little girl you shouldn't be getting married. If you're an adult then you're nobody's little girl and it's weird that you see yourself that way