MN makes me feel bad

The basic principal of “everyone fed, nobody dead” by the end of a day is a good one with kids.😄
First child was carefully curated, third one was effectively dragged up. They’re all fine, healthy functioning adults. Child rearing strategies come and go. Stick to the mid ground. People have been bringing up kids for generations by different methods. Each method has its winners and losers. Do what works for you.

Well I'm a size 6 earning £100,000 bonuses a year on top of my generous salary, and my darling, supportive , handsome faithful Husband also earns a similar amount.
We have a beautiful house in Primrose Hill, and a holiday home in the South of France, and very clever children who gained scholarships to the best schools, despite us easily being able to pay the fees.

🤥

🤣🤣🤣

My kids are all older now but I'd still like to join.

Used to be a member of a forum called the Bad Mothers Club - it wasn't without its problems but it didn't quite have the parent posturing and sanctimony that this place exudes.

The reality is that most people are doing the best they can in their circumstances with the resources that they have. It's no use telling someone who relies on working from home at least part of the week with limited childcare to pay their mortgage that screen time is evil. It's not great, yes, but letting your child have more than the recommended screen time is hardly akin to locking them in a cupboard and not caring about them. Similarly chicken nuggets and fries every day is not ideal but fed children are preferable to be hungry ones, and you can improve things a bit by chucking some frozen veg in a pan to boil.

Ah but are you a ‘cool wife’ ?

I drink at least a bottle of wine a week so I do am a raving alike.

I also did a school run in my oodie this morning. Contemplating entering the supermarket in it.

Bows head in shame.

People lie and also sometimes show a snapshot of their situation.

So I can go on a thread and give advise about not putting up with a lazy dh.
But i can equally go on a thread and moan about dh being lazy. Because he can be great in some ways and a giant pain in the arse in others.

This is so true! My kids watch a ton of TV but I do pretty much make all our meals from scratch without UPF…. While they are glued to their screens.

except… the younger two won’t eat the lovely non UPF food I make and end up with beans on toast half the time. But I could have just edited this post to only say the cooking part!

You don't know where people are in their lives either. My PFB (now age 5) had no sugar until he was 1 (and even then, hardly any) and no screen time until he was 2. After 2, he watched 20 minutes of carefully curated "gentle" programmes a couple times a week. All his toys were geared towards his current developmental stage, nothing with batteries, flashing lights, noises etc. We went outside for at least 90 minutes a day, rain or shine. I went back to work when he was 14 months, only working 2 days a week, when DH stayed home with him. So he was constantly being read to, doing baking, playing with blocks...
DC2 (now age 2) has been watching spiderman since she was about 6 months old, because she's in the room when DC1 is watching it. I found him feeding her chocolate when she was 4 months old. I went back to work 3 days a week on her first birthday, because our mortgage was about to skyrocket, and she started nursery. My time with her consists of a few books, maybe some play dough, and lots of being dragged around on the school run and assorted other errands, or her "helping" me do housework. We have something like a freezer pizza or fish fingers every Friday because that's what our work schedules can accommodate.
All that to say, my advice on any parenting threads would have reflected my reality at the time. I wasn't lying, but nor has my advice ever been objectively correct; it's just been what worked for my situation at the time and probably reflected a significant degree of naivity about other people's reality. I'd probably feel like crap if I read my own advice from 3 years ago!

Ah op don't let it make you feel bad, I use to end up in bad form most days having read things on here. I literally believed everything and I would question how I did things and I realised that half of the stuff is made up. When people start saying the things you mention plus more I said to myself they must be very unhappy to live such restrictive lives or so lonely that they make stuff up. So when scrolling now I just hide every post that I think is made up rubbish or where there's posters being abusive.

Shit. Thanks for the reminder. I had a splendid night out last night. Couldn't find anyone to watch the little 'uns so I popped em down the cellar with some Dairylea strings, a sweet fizzy drink and their screens. You've just reminded me to let 'em out so they can take themselves to school 😮

You're not alone. Shall we start a "bad parent" group? We can sit and talk and drink wine while our kids watch YouTube 🤣 totally get what you're saying and I'm in your camp. As long as my kids are happy and healthy then sod anyone else x

Also, please remember that there are sooooo many fakers on here. I would argue that at least 50 percent of AIBU is trolling - really I think it is that high (if not more). I have been here forever (under name changes) and it's certainly ramped up. Obviously it's a much bigger site now and more content is generated online, so people need things to write about for their columns, etc - or just for their own lols.

It's also very easy to be strident behind a keyboard and fire off a knee-jerk response rather than a more nuanced reflection you would get in real conversation. (You are getting some nice considered replies here though!)

Btw - I agree with you...MN can be anxiety inducing.

I always see the posts that are started by someone who is genuinely looking for advice because things have gone tits up or they have made a mistake only for the high horse posters to make out that they would never do that and don't know anybody who would do that and it's "very concerning" and "your poor child" and all of the other bollocks they come out with lol.
I can always tell which posters are my kind of people and they are usually the ones who are not judgemental twats. That's me being a hypocrite I suppose because I'm judging the high horse ones based on what they write lol difference is that I will fully admit that about myself

I don't and will never run my life and raise my kids based on what MN think.

Dont get me wrong, there are amazing women on here with amazing advice but sadly there is a proportion who just wants to make people feel bad or inadequate.

My kids have tonnes of screen time, one of them survives on chicken dippers and cheap frozen mac & cheese, I like wine, and I really don't mind my husband having nights out with friends and getting pissed out his skull. But MN standards I'm a terrible person, and DH is the devil. But I have kind, caring, intelligent teens now who are excelling at school. DH is an amazing husband who worships me, and I think I'm doing okay myself.

Take the good stuff, ignore the crap stuff and remember MN isn't real life.

I agree about the rudeness. Saying things to people? Out loud? Rude.

Following every behavioural expert in the world and asking people questions about themselves? Rude and intrusive.

This is MN where if you drink more than a thimble full of wine a week, you are an alki. If you let your kids have screen time you are neglectful etc. I just ignore them. For all I know they are a middle aged man from Hull ...

It is VERY easy to be the ideal parent/partner/friend/daughter/sister from the safety of one's own home with no real comeback to worry about.

The poster snooting about screen time and passing judgement on others feeds her kids crap because she doesn't like cooking.

The poster who snoots about ultra processed foods while making a wholesome meal from scratch every night leaves her kids on their consoles for hours.

Do you see?

My kids have soooo much screen time. The TV is like a 3rd parent in our house. But I’ve got four kids and 2 are now teens - they are lovely - chat away to us, actively want to spend time with us and doing well in school so I don’t think the screen time has done any harm. Or maybe it has but I do the best I’m capable of and if that means the two younger kids watch tv in the morning while I get ready for work then so be it! Mumsnet is full of shit!

Did you mean to be so rude?

It the way every single bloody thing is interpreted as rude that freaks me out.

Are you sure it's MN making you feel bad, or is it you that feels bad about the thing and MN talking about the thing reminds you that you feel bad about it?

I mean, I could say I think meat is super bad for you and evil and anyone who eats it is the devil, but I'd doubt that would make anyone who likes meat feel bad about their life. They'd probably just think I'm dead silly. (I don't have that opinion at all, for the record!).

But the reaction might be different if I was bashing something they were doing that they already, themseleves, feel bad about.

That's not MN making you feel bad, that's you making younl feel bad for continuing a behaviour or similar that YOU feel is bad.

Have a good think about what being said makes you feel bad and why. Maybe it is a behaviour you would ideally change for yourself (not for MN) and so need to put that effort in. Maybe it's something that isn't bad, but you're insecure about it, and that's also a "you" thing you need to confront.

@soupfiend my kids get a decent amount of screen time (absolutely loads by MN standards) and they also play and get outside. Don't stress about it.

There does seem to be a lot of the same type of person on here but that doesn't reflect the people I interact with in real life.