MN makes me feel bad

Mumsnet has a major issue with age gap relationships especially when the male is older. My partner is 21 years older than me and I usually end up hiding most of the age gap related threads because the replies are so awful.

I think there tends to be 2 types if people on mumsnet - the people who are struggling (with money, relationships, time management, motherhood...) and the people who want to brag about their perfect life and perfect morals. I think it is reflective of real life because both of those sets of people exist, but I would say that the vasy majority of people fall somewhere in the middle and slide up and down the scale on a daily basis depending on what else is going on in our lives. Sometimes we struggle with things, sometimes we manage. We all have things we do well and things we would rather other people sort out. Something easy to one person is hard for another and vice versa.

What sort of things does the influencer fabricate out of interest? Obviously not asking who she/he is I'm just fascinated as I'd always suspected that they do this

Some.parts of the site are brilliant, which is why I come on. But it is very right wing and very middle class - obviously working class women who post on here get a very hard time.

I also notice that if anybody has slightly dodgy literacy or uses slang, they are picked on quite a bit.

So I would take it all with an enormous lump of salt if I were you OP.

Do you know anyone in real life who never gives their toddlers any screen time? I don't.

I had LOADS of screen time when I was little - loved it - and I still went on to do very well academically - went to Oxford University in fact (and I am from a fairly working class background so that wasn't easy)

My daughter had quite a lot of screen time and has grown up to be a high academic achiever and the loveliest person I ever met.

Some people just like to make their own lives harder, and their children's lives miserable. Let them crack on - and "tonight thank God it's them, instead of you."

I often wonder the same thing! When do they earn their money? They are answering threads 8 hours a day!

good for you, would you like a cookie?

I think a lot of posters are ridiculously anxious and paranoid.

No it doesn’t reflect RL for me, many mumsnet users seem weirdly uptight and wanting to take the moral high ground all the time. I’ve posted before that it can full of contradictions as well depending on the topic. Eg. if someone posts about going out and about with a cold you will get lots of stern and angry replies ‘So selfish spreading germs. I ensure to stay away from anyone until I’m not infectious!’ But then if someone posts about being off work with sickness it’s ‘I have never taken a single day sick leave in fifteen years. I would be seriously unimpressed at an absence like this. You can work with a mild cold!’

There are so many posters who just sound insufferable (but there is also nice, normal sounding people and good advice which is why I stay !)

This. I have been on MN for years, under a different username. I have periods where I have stepped back because the tone of the site has taken a dive imo. I would not log on here if it is affecting you too much OP.

I commented on that post as it felt so bias towards no screen time when in reality I know no one who has a no screen time policy for their 3 year olds!

I feel regularly I am doing things wrong but remind myself most people will only post the good stuff and online exaggerate alot of that. I try to comment on those sort of posts to make sure the OP does see there are also people doing things the way they are.

I once got roasted on a post for saying I took my DH surname when got married and because it was what I wanted....apparently that wasn't the right answer to some people.

It’s really handy for specific questions that I’m struggling with. Was a life saver during the first couple of years with a new baby! But I was also surprised at the perfectness of all the other parents as no one I see in real life is that good!

i felt like the worst parent ever after my DD at some tissue and I got 24 hours of hate. DD seems fine now 3 years down the line! Who knew.

Also never post in AIBU. Use other forums.

Mumsnet was horrible during Covid. I was the worst side of people then. It was revolting

best piece of advice i ever had with regards to advice was 'take what serves, leave what doesn't'

Everyone has a different life, different circumstances, different health, different children with different needs... not everyone's thoughts or advice will suit you or work for you.

As a disabled parent with a disabled kid i have to take a lot of peoples thoughts about house work, hygiene, child rearing, appropriate amount to spend on the kids at christmas..etc with a pinch of salt because if i took it al to heart, i'd just give up.

Anonymity brings out the worst in people. I wish there was a way around this

I don't take parenting advice from MN, generally. I am only here for entertainment and diversion. I took parenting advice from my mum.

My friend and I regularly comment on things we've said or done with "MN would hate it"

You need to take what people say online with a pinch of salt! Anyone can lie online, i'm sure their words don't reflect their lifestyle at all.

My three spent an inordinate amount of time in front of the tv when they were toddlers.
Nickelodeon and the Cartoon Network were their unpaid babysitters
i didn’t cook from scratch daily, oven chips and nuggets were usually the order of the day.

They are all teens/ early twenties now and are lovely , sensible and well rounded .

Some people on MN are genuine. However, I take most of what is said on here with a pinch of salt

I'm on that thread saying the OP should just go cold turkey during the week, but that's because it isn't working for her or her DC. I have one that could have the TV on all day and be grand, and one that really struggles with it going off, especially on busy weekdays.

If Blippi lets you get a coffee, then you savour that coffee. And tune out Blippi, because I'm not familiar but I'm betting it's hella annoying.

I don't think MN is representative. IRL everyone I know opens the door when it rings, no matter if they're expecting anyone.

Take what's useful from it and ignore the rest, and if it's getting under your skin just leave and enjoy your life.

I don't care what people think of me as a parent, I do what I need to do to stay sane and get things done, my 4 month old baby is currently sat watching nursery rhymes so I could wash up and get laundry done without her screaming, some people would probably have something to say about that but I don't care, in my opinion it's better for her to be happily entertained by some cartoon animals than getting upset and screaming because I'm not in the room

I don’t even think it’s reflective of that - I think it’s reflective of people online pretending to be that.

....but I never realised how chilled out I am until I came on here. There are so many people on here stressing about nothing, unhappy and judgemental and unable to connect with other humans.

Me too. I've never described myself as laid back but compared to some posters on MN I'm horizontal. I wonder how some people get through the day with the amount of things they worry about and get irritated by.

You're doing fine OP, be grateful you don't get worked up over largely inconsequential matters.

I read MN like it's a problem page of a magazine. Back in my youth I always skipped to the problem pages first (anyone remember 'Cathy and Clare'?)

Most people have it together in a couple of areas but not all of them, and that doesn’t come across very strongly on a forum with thousands of different posters. So for example a poster might say that they don’t use screens for their DC and clean their home to a high standard but what they don’t say is that they don’t work. Or someone might say that they’re a high earner but not mention that they don’t have time for a healthy lifestyle. But reading those posts together gives the impression that everyone has everything together.

And sometimes people might be saying what they think the best thing to do is regardless of whether they actually do it - I think limiting screen time under 3 is a WHO recommendation but saying that doesn’t tell you about my own approach.