MN makes me feel bad

I think of mumsnet as a bit like take a break magazine 😁

Honestly if MN makes you feel bad, get off it. Like any other social media.

I am here because it mostly makes me feel good. Mostly hang out in the Books and Telly forums.

I'm a grandma (though mercifully, only a MIL to sons in law!) and Mumsnet has made me paranoid about putting a foot wrong (unwittingly). It's also turned me into a people pleaser, and I keep putting myself last and putting a brave face on disappointment, because I don't want to annoy them.

It's stupid. My daughters are not difficult people. But I'm aware that I don't communicate honestly with them about what I would like. It's very evident at the moment with Christmas arrangements, and it's making me sad.

I suppose in real life I've met a couple of pearl clutching / ridiculously high levels of domestic labour type mums and I know first hand how hard they work at being miserable despite financially being well off. So when I read judgemental or ridiculous comments on MN I smile and think how creatively miserable someone must be to post that.

Sorry to double post but I also don’t think all screen time is equal. There’s a huge difference between playing an interactive alphabet Sesame Street game on a tablet vs watching MAFS or whatever reality crap the parents have got on the telly in the background. At least that’s what I tell myself

If it’s any consolation that screen time thread made me feel like crap about my 3yo too. I’m a SAHM and he only goes to nursery three mornings a week… hard to fill 14 hours a day 5 days a week with crafts, books and toys alone. Either that or I’m just doing a shit job

After reading multiple threads about people thinking wearing your pyjamas around the house after 9am was utter madness I realised you should take everything with a pinch of salt.

people are quick to preach however if you saw their lives under a microscope I’m sure you’d have things to say about their habits.

No kids so less time commitments but this stranger off the interweb sometimes watches a solid six hours of Netflix in the evening. Collapse on the sofa after work, shove a jacket spud in the oven at some point, and return to the sofa and telly until bed time 😂

Oh, and I like both balloons, even helium ones, and fireworks (at appropriate times). Clearly I'm awful.

Oh I ignore most of it. I'm happy with my life and how my kids are raised and they had their own ipads from 2 and 3, and as long as they put it away when told, have unlimited screen time. - studies are generally done on TV watching - static position, no real choice in what they're watching, which is completely different to how kids use ipads - headstanding on the settee, watching some Food Theory video about sugar. Doing well at school, polite, reasonable kids. I'm not worried. Oh, and the youngest only showers a couple of times a week (oldest most days - since 14 and stinky, me something in between). And I have toilet brushes, an open fire, and run my dishwasher overnight.

It's a load of people thinking their way is the 'one true way' and everyone else is mad for living differently.

Whereas really, everyone's different, and there's a world of difference between being neglectful, and just not prioritising something as highly as some other people do.

I think for most people, MN is just light entertainment and a way to pass the time - it's not something to be taken seriously.

I am not white and we don't eat UPF except v rarely. ( Dont care what others do).Take a lot of breaks from kids and always have.
MN contains multitudes!

MN can be terribly sanctimonious. People often take their best days or their aspirations for how they want to live and then share them as though it’s their every day. But anyone can say anything on the internet!

If it makes you feel better I’m currently 273 weeks pregnant and mid house renovation, so everything is a tip, my son has eaten some form of carbohydrate with beans for the last four dinners in a row, and I haven’t done any exercise in about a month. But we’re all alive and reasonably cheerful, and on some other day we will all be wearing clean clothes and doing a wholesome craft activity while something healthy is bubbling in the oven, and it will all broadly work out in the end.

I felt the same after reading that screen time thread. People saying 1.5 hours of screen time was far too much and they shouldn’t be having any at all. I must be the worst mum in the world.

it made me realise that mumsnet is just not reality.

It's difficult one- I don't agree that it's white middle/upper class. I see many threads started by posters these days whose situations and lifestyles wouldn't have sounded amiss on the Jeremy Kyle show- it's very mixed

I would say though there are an awful lot of 'we are FTB looking at up to £800k ' type posts- that's a bit of a niche I think and not reflective

There are some very rigid attitudes and yes obsessions I don't really see out there much amongst friends and family- ultra processed foods, being 'totally up to the minute dress wise' - 'family time' and no one ever admitting they love a good break away from kids etc

@Berlinlover Genuine question - Does it not freak you out to think that your partner was a 21yr old man when you were a baby? I think that sort of thought process is what people find hard to understand

Oh here we go, they're infiltrating this thread now; Take cover everyone 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♂️🏃🏃‍♀️

I really like it. I do think some people are completely mad and I'm sure others are liars but overall I do really like having a wide range of opinions.

If you only go by what your friends and family do then you're not really getting a good idea of the world.

About screen time, I think it can be good for three-year-olds to watch some TV. However my son was saying that out of all their antenatal group, all of them put their five month old babies propped up with an iPad.

He didn't know people did that and they didn't know people didn't do that. If he hadn't met up with them he'd still be unaware and so might they. I have told him time and again to come on here!

I think this site is a great way of meeting both sets of people and getting their opinions.

It's the same with alcohol. If everyone you know is drinking every night then it's quite enlightening to learn that some people don't touch drink in the week and actually go for a run or do a craft or something like that.

Allfur
For a second as I typed I did try to come up with a healthier, genius alternative but didn’t get there😅

I can only speak from my own experience. I change details to keep my privacy but the gist of what I say is true. I might be 40 50 60 live in various towns, be married or divorced WFH or in an office depending on the situation. My screen time is about 14 hours a day if that helps. 10 hours at work then TV in the evening

Definitely not with a pinch of salt, its so bad for you

Yep, mines 17 years older and I'm soooo sick of the "you'll end up being his carer" bollocks 😂 more likely the other way around with the way my health is😅

I think you have to take a lot of it with a huge pinch of salt- saying in theory what is the right way to go doesn’t mean it’s feasible/ doable or done. Also there’s people on who may be having a bad time of it or a bad day or let’s face it, are irritated or bitter or short on time so just throw down an answer or tell posters they’re lucky etc

Dont get me started on the income threads, apparently 70k or even 100k isn't enough for a family. This site makes me feel like such a peasant 😂