AIBU to feel this was odd and dismissive?

Alright leave OP alone she's only asking.

I would have thought you would sit together as a family but am no expert.

Did the Uncle have no kids of his own? Weird to have the nephews in the front cortege and at the front of the pews, imo. They're not immediate family either.

Ignore the pile on telling you you're selfish. People are behaving as though you've stamped your feet at the funeral of one your DH's parents.

when I’ve attended funerals so well attended people have to stand the funeral director has requested family enter first so that they are able to be seated.

It just goes to show how different families are and how different people have a different take on things. This 100% wouldn't happen in my family. All the front rows would have been saved for all family members (in laws included) and only then would other seats be taken up. But clearly that's not the case with every family and lots of other posters wouldn't be bothered about it. I can see why you are a bit put out, but this too shall pass 🙃

I have been in funeral cars too many times and my dh or dc have never come with me but been driven by dh or another relative. Funeral cars are expensive so generally it is only closest blood relations. Also seats at the church/ crematorium are never reserved except the front couple for close family. Have you never been to a funeral before?

Perfectly normal for close family in funeral cars and a couple of rows reserved at the front. Would be awkward to keep seats for you, sil and kids.

Presumably you werent far behind funeral cars? If so then likely seats were already filled when you arrive. Dh job is to be whatever his aunt and his parent who was sibling of the deceased need. Your job is to he there for dh.

Sounds like you were late if all the seats were filled when you got there. Normally you'd arrive early and sit behind the family.

I think maybe take a new perspective. Someone has DIED. People are upset, emotional and maybe not thinking perfectly straight. Still you made this about you. Your selfish reaction is actually offensive.

Taken aback that the aunt wanted your husband to go into the funeral car. Who cares? That is what she wanted after her husband DIED. Where is your compassion and consideration for others. Who cares you had to drive on your own with the kids?

You wanted reserve seating? Give over. Someone DIED. They aren’t thinking about seating arrangements for perfectly capable and able family to be there.

Show up, be respectful, give your condolences, do out of your way to be kind and do what you can for her and then go home. That’s it.

Yep, YABU.

It's perfectly normal for close family to sit in first two rows and the rest of the mourners squeeze in when/where they can.

Latecomers stand at the back if it's busy.

At the back with kids is ideal as you can take them outside if necessary.

You/SIL and kids weren't closely related to the deceased. I wouldn't have expected them to save seats for you at all.

I just realised it was an uncle and not a grandparent / Inlaw. In that case I would just sit wherever in the church with other relations who didn't make the top row.

I think you need to remember its not about you.

This isn't your family at all and is at best distant family of your kids who I'm guessing they had little relationship with. Obviously your DH is much closer to this family member and/or those grieving him.

Being upset you weren't honored enough at someone you barely knows funeral is really quite tactless.

People comparing it to their or DH PARENT dying are missing that this is a long distance UNCLE. OP is not the persons DIL, she is not supporting her DH through great loss, this is not her DC grandparents. Her DH is their to support his parents/aunt through their big loss. OP attendance means little to nothing and is just for social appearance.

That is quite normal at funerals. Close family and friends are at the front and everyone else just finds a place to sit. It's only for an hour or so.
At my latest family funeral, I walked into the church behind the coffin and sat at the front, while my partner was already seated further back.

I don't like the sound of this. When my dad died a few years ago the front row was my mam, me and my siblings. Behind or beside us were all in-laws and grandkids.

This is in Ireland so maybe we do things differently here.

Totally normal. Close family only in cars as there is limited space. It sounds like they had a couple of spaces left, so they kindly asked his nephews to go.
Usually the people in the cars follow the coffin in and everyone files in after. Usually in grief or in silence. No one is saving anyone seats. It’s not a wedding with ushers or bride on one side and groom on the other.
There is literally no issue here IMO.

At the most recent funeral we attended, family were admitted first including cousins. I get you not being in the cars because space is limited but I would have expected both of your husbands to be sat with you

As others have said, totally normal.
You are there to show support and respect to those who are grieving , not for your comfort or preference 🙄

I do think it’s a bit off in all honesty but I’d not have driven my kids to the other end of the country for it either if you’re not close.

Absolutely normal!

Sounds fine

Totally normal. Blood relatives in the car and front seats. Then close friends. Only if the in-laws were close to the deceased, or it wasn't well attended, would it be done how you expected. You were there in a supporting role and should have been prepared to go with the flow.

Sounds normal to me. Never heard of keeping seats at a funeral.

I think it was weird to split off your husbands and leave you out. I wouldn’t make a thing of it and I’m sure you didn’t but I would be mildly irritated

Sounds normal to me. What seems odd is that you seem to be looking for slights from grieving people.,

It sounds normal. If it’s too tricky to manage kids in that situation it would be fine to take them outside. You were there to be supportive, you don’t have to stand at the back and keep kids quiet.