AIBU to feel this was odd and dismissive?

No, it wasn't odd.

No, it wasn't dismissive.

It wasn't about you.

Funerals are not the time for this. You turned up, that's it, job done. There is nothing more to it.

I think something is lost here, as I can’t believe for one moment you actually thought you should be in the funeral cars and reserved seating up front. Surely not.

Isn’t it natural to want to sit with him?

also once again MASSIVELY telling, how are you making the death of someone elses family member all about what YOU want. What you want really doesn't matter one ounce because as said before its not about you.

well one just factually you lived at opposite ends of the country so highly unlikely to have a really involved relationship where you are active parts of each other lives.

And two, and this is the key one... your whole attitude told on you. If you lost someone you where close you would NOT be thinking of yourself and then dwelling on it all this time later way you would be busy dealing with grief instead.

If course you want to he there for dh. And also perfectly natural he prioritised being there for his aunt/parents over needing support himself.

They arrived, there was no space for you, did you want dh to come stand with you? Did you want aunt to ask those who arrived earlier to move? Did you expect aunt when planning funeral to more accurately estimate the number of rows to be reserved? That is not easy, and i expect funeral direcors kept 2 rows which is pretty standard. Unfortunately thst wasnt enough but it isnt odd or rude to you or sil.

No, not odd at all.

Isn’t it natural to want to sit with him?

Sure but that didn't work out on the day.

You didn't end up sitting with him. That doesn't make it 'odd'. You've already said that the other relatives were the main funeral party.

You wanted them to keep seats at a funeral. In my experience, people expect close family to sit in the first couple of rows as you describe and that's what happened.

Other than that, people don't 'keep seats' like lunch in an American teen movie. I honestly can't imagine shuffling in to a row at a funeral and someone saying 'actually, we are keeping those seats for Dave's nephews wife and children who live at the other end of the country.'

Whi take kids to a funeral? Too young to understand and upsetting for them. The deceased won't mind.

That's perfectly normal. From my experience of the many funerals I've been to and the couple I've had to organise.
What I don't find normal is that after all this time, you're still stewing over it?! That's rather odd to me!
We can be put out about a lot of things, but we shrug and move on. As long as Uncle had a good send off, that's all that matters surely? Not the seating arrangements, which were the norm as funeral etiquette dictates.

I mean, why not say, funeral is for principles mourners only, so they could just stay home?
Why bother ask/expect them to come at all?

I dont think nephews wives and great neices/nephews are close family. I expect Aunt thought of her own children/grandchildren her partners siblings and partners. Likely nephews were last minute decison which is nice, not an insult to you.

Usually the funeral directors keep seats for the family and extended family but if they were not told you were attending they would not know, perhaps Your DH' s Aunt didn't know you would be attending. I personally wouldn't have taken children to a funeral.

Weird. Family before friends in the seating, and outrageous to split nuclear families up.

I think the row behind the chief mourners should have been kept for you & sil and all your children.

I think this is perfectly normal, I've been outside the crematorium watching on a screen from.outside with other family members for relatives closer than his uncle so to you. I think you need to get over yourself. A man has died show a bit of respect and pay your respects and move on. Surely you aren't so daft to understand that your not a priority his immediate family is. Clearly his aunt wanted her nephews there which is her choice. But she's hardly going to make room for you and the kids if it's not a tiny funeral. I've known funerals where there has been siblings and cousins stood outside because of lack of room. Both crematorium funerals and church funerals/burials etc.

Family in the first few rows then friends!

Normally at funerals the person. Person has n cusrge asks for a certain number of pews/seats to be reserved for family having discussed with next of kin. I do find it odd that you had to stand atbthe back as family, and that is not the norm. However, unless exceptionally close and directly related, depending on age, I don’t think it’s a place for children, if young especially. It’s not like a wedding or a party is it?

Somebody underestimated how many people would come, which gives you the 'great turnout' line at the expense of sufficient seating for you and your sister in law and children:-/

Not everybody can stand reasonably still, comfortably, for an hour. Venue staff ought to have found some folding chairs / have an overflow room so you didn't have to stand.

No it's not odd. It was bust, they had other priorities over saving seats. Saving seats is odd.

Sounds perfectly normal to me. Front row is for the primary mourners. Everyone else is expected to act appropriately and just sit/stand wherever.

YABU op. This is totally normal. Seats for direct family in front rows only. You should have gone ahead to get seats at the back not followed funeral cars. I can’t believe you continue to think about this.

All normal.

OP should have been warned there would be no seats for her (or kept for her) so she could decide to stay home.

People don't know how many mourners will be at a funeral.

Someone had to stand. It's just something that happened. Why should it not be the op? I just don't understand how anyone could be so put out by standing at a funeral of driving to it without their spouse.

Makes sense for children to be near the back I think