Am I the birthday grinch?

Tbh I think the most worrying thing about all of this is that he had an Xbox at 5 and a brand new PlayStation at 10. Ridiculous presents for a young child

To be honest I think this was badly handled all around.

I think for you, it’s a lesson learned about your place in the pecking order unfortunately. If this ever crops up again, it’s not your money being wasted, sometimes if you can’t beat them then join them. Let them waste their money on a duplicated gift. Let’s be completely honest your son is going to prefer the PS5 version regardless because it’s a newer more existing system so your gift still has value.

Don’t play into their games of making you look like the bad person. Especially as you don’t want to tell your son the truth for the sake of keeping the peace. You’re doing yourself dirty. Your son might resent you because you don’t have the confidence to set the record straight

I hope you handed him his presents today and said they were from you.

Your husband and his father are complete dicks.

You sound lovely, the men in your life are, unfortunately, absolute twats.

That's a very generous present from his big brother.

So FIL, a grown man, wasn't capable of buying a present himself in the first place so needed you to take him and DS to choose his own.

Because a child was choosing his own present he chose something someone else has already bought him and rather than be reasonable and encourage him to choose something different the pair of them made him feel crap and disappointed.

You did nothing wrong. The men were acting like idiots

How is she getting credit when it was her other son that's bought it? Yes, she said Santa might bring it but that's Santa getting credit not her and even if the son doesn't actually believe, when he opens his brothers present on Christmas day then she still wouldn't be getting credit???

Like father like son. Just make sure your son doesn’t grow up to be like his father. Talk about the pair of them’s (dh and fil) inability to read a room, sheesh.

It’s your bad if he’s got an x box then of course he’s going to want an x box game. Could have just brought it but no you wanted the credit.

In your house… not everyone else’s

At ten, it might be time to tell him the truth about Santa

BUT your FIL and DH were completely out of order

Wait-what? I think your boy being nice to you. Some child in my DD's class told her all about Santa when she was 5. Re the game, I think I would have let DFIL buy it and taken it back after but the men don't come out well here.

Probably time to address the 'Santa' issue. When children believe in Santa and believe that he brings every gift they get, parents are setting themselves up for a lot of unnecessary stress and heartache for children. We have always done Santa brings the stocking presents (little, cheap but cheerful items), or alternatively he brings one relatively cheap present. The rest come from family and friends, so that my son knows who to thank. That way kids still have the magic of Santa at Christmas without the unrealistic expectation that they will get whatever they want, just because they've been 'good'.

Nothing. You can do nothing at this moment in time (unless you want to give the secret away what his DS has bought him for Christmas).

What I would do is keep my powder dry and when this DS gets his Christmas gift, I'd make a huge thing about not buying the game on his birthday and wasn't Grandad so rude as he didn't know the full story, blah blah blah, oh and Daddy knew as well but didn't do anything either except let Grandad be so rude and make you feel terrible and how you didn't want to ruin the surprise for Christmas and so on.

You should have a chat, to find out why your DH didn't shut his father down when he carried on like he did in front of his grandson and you. That wasn't on at all.

Read the thread. The Xbox is old, overheats and cuts out. £43 for the game, when there'll be a new PS5 in a couple of weeks is a waste of money. And it absolutely is a FiL/DH problem. They caused a completely unnecessary scene and DH sent a terrible message to his son about the amount of money spent on the game, versus the cash he got instead. Appalling that you think the problem lies with OP instead of the two oafs who ignored her point, proved themselves incapable of subtlety. Not to mention FiL being a cheapskate. If the game would had cost £43 he could have given hi. £50 instead of the £20 that was calculated to make him feel as though he was being punished somehow and DH compounded it.

I hope your DS had a lovely birthday in the end and you pointed out to DH and his father what spoilt brats they were being by trying to ruin his birthday

Doesn't really sound like it's about the Xbox game, although I disagree with a pp saying you're the problem for not buying it. I am rather addicted to a farming game and have it on my PC, Switch and PS4 because 1) it's a reeeeeeally lovely game (I have a problem) but 2) a PC is different to a Switch, and different to a PS4. I wouldn't have bought it on two brands of the same type of console though.
Anyway! 40 years old and waffling on about farming sims on the internet. Yay for me.

Moving swiftly on, Op, are you and your DH a team? It doesn't sound like it. It sounds like your DH almost... leapt at the opportunity to have a snide jab at you, to make you look shit in front of your kid, AND to make your kid miserable. Does he even like either of you? What a shit. I'm guessing he doesn't believe in a united front or supporting you in public or any of those 'whimsical' things?

I don't think they are whimsical, but my ex-husband did. One of his most gloriously shit moments was when I tried to talk to him about being a unit, a team, and supporting me, and he said,

'You can't tell me what to do!'

What a guy.

OP didn’t challenge at the time because she doesn’t want to argue in front of her son. Not because she’s unable challenge him.

£43 for a game for a console that’s old and on its’ last legs ?

Your port ds I hope he had a good birthday. Honestly I would just have let him get the game, he would have been happy and excited. They do vary slightly on different consoles.
Your FIL behaved badly but I can kinda see why he was upset that his treat had been spoiled. Your DH on the other hand is an idiot and should have backed you up and not made you out to be the bad guy.

You have told your son that you are fairly sure Santa was going to get him stuff from his list, so just check in with him again that he understands that he did nothing wrong, and that £20 to get something he really wants is much better than a more expensive gift twice! Your far bigger problem is your DH who is a prize arse. Firstly for being completely obtuse about what was going on. And secondly for the message that the key to gifting is to screw the most money out of someone. ("Only £20") And to somehow blame your son? ("Well done") And for you not to to be able to challenge him because it would cause an argument. Not to mention your FIL shaming you in front of your child as if you were ruining things. They both sound unbelievably toxic and controlling so unless there is some backstory here, you have far more issues than a disappointed child on one day. Is undermining you and blaming/shaming both of you a common occurence? Given that you can't discuss it now, I assume so. Because that should really have led to a "WTAF was that all about. Are you ok because your behvaiour was batshit" conversation with both of them.

Why did you make such a fuss? Your son wants the game on the Xbox - just an FYI games are not exactly the same on every console, they have console exclusive skins, levels etc so he wouldn't have had 2 of the same game.

Honestly this is a you problem not a FIL or DH problem

Wow like father like son hey.... both of them acted twatish and need a dressing down (not that it would sink into their self centred brains) if your DFIL was willing to spend £50 why not give your son the equivalent????

I would have done the same as your OP and my DH would have supported me no matter what... I assume you still love this man for other reasons but i think you need to have a conversation about not contradicting each other and supporting each other's decisions. If you then don't agree talk about it away from the child.

I hope your DS has a great birthday anyway, and perhaps you can suggest that he saves the £20 for after his birthday or christmas and wait to see what he gets, then if he gets more money (or you can top it up) to then buy that or a different game...

My DD has a November birthday so I always suggest she saves her money as she doesn't know what anyone else or Santa will bring her

You should have let him buy it. There’s no harm in having the same game on two consoles.

Yep, both behaving like children and need telling so!