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AIBU?

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If men were left to organise Christmas themselves

519 replies

Fiddlesticks32 · 27/11/2024 17:42

AIBU to think it would be an absolute disaster?

And what would it look like? WineHalo

OP posts:
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goodkidsmaadhouse · 01/12/2024 11:26

My Mum died when I was a child. Apart from the first Christmas without her, which was an utter shit show (not my Dad’s fault - he was mentally unwell) but after that I don’t remember the nuts and bolts of Christmas being any different. The food, the decorations, the gifts etc.

If I wasn’t here I guess some stuff would get missed, just like if DH wasn’t here some stuff would get missed.

SilverChampagne · 01/12/2024 11:18

BadLad · 01/12/2024 10:54

I would like to see what would happen if weddings were left entirely to men to organize, when the couple is not same sex. By men, I mean the grooms.

I suspect that the average weddings would be infinitely smaller and cheaper, and it would be very bad news for companies who make minor things like, say, fancy table decorations and wedding invitations. Not because the grooms are incapable but because I suspect many of them have no interest in such trivial parts of a wedding and secretly consider them a waste of money.

Would they be any the worse for that?

Silenus · 01/12/2024 11:10

BadLad · 01/12/2024 10:54

I would like to see what would happen if weddings were left entirely to men to organize, when the couple is not same sex. By men, I mean the grooms.

I suspect that the average weddings would be infinitely smaller and cheaper, and it would be very bad news for companies who make minor things like, say, fancy table decorations and wedding invitations. Not because the grooms are incapable but because I suspect many of them have no interest in such trivial parts of a wedding and secretly consider them a waste of money.

DH organised ours, because I was out of the country till the day before, very pregnant, and trying to finish a big project before I went on maternity leave. I don’t think it was any different to what I’d have done, but it was always going to be extremely low-key.

Parker231 · 01/12/2024 11:08

itsgettingweird · 30/11/2024 21:53

👏👏👏

Well said.

Some on this thread are either control freaks or have set the bar very low in their choice of DH. Never come across men in real life who are as incompetent as some of the posters are portraying.

BadLad · 01/12/2024 10:54

I would like to see what would happen if weddings were left entirely to men to organize, when the couple is not same sex. By men, I mean the grooms.

I suspect that the average weddings would be infinitely smaller and cheaper, and it would be very bad news for companies who make minor things like, say, fancy table decorations and wedding invitations. Not because the grooms are incapable but because I suspect many of them have no interest in such trivial parts of a wedding and secretly consider them a waste of money.

DappledThings · 01/12/2024 09:33

Wheredidileavemycarkeys · 01/12/2024 09:09

I think they would do it if they had to. A lot of them won’t bother if there is someone else to do it though.

That's my attitude in our relationship. If DH were suddenly not here I would do all the decorating and present buying and cooking and hosting if I had to. But I don't see i have to bother when he's happy to.

I do all the cleaning before and after and during.

Wheredidileavemycarkeys · 01/12/2024 09:09

I think they would do it if they had to. A lot of them won’t bother if there is someone else to do it though.

abracadabra1980 · 01/12/2024 09:03

It wouldn't happen. Simple as. It's annoyed the piss out of me for years.

itsgettingweird · 30/11/2024 21:53

AllTangledUpInTinselAndTiaras · 30/11/2024 19:34

It's nowhere near 99% in my experience. Some people must live in utterly depressing circles.

👏👏👏

Well said.

mathanxiety · 30/11/2024 20:25

Fiddlesticks32 · 30/11/2024 14:17

Can I come to yours for Christmas please? @mathanxiety Looks like you've found a nice balance.

You reminded me of a few more to add to the list:

Wreath making workshops
Baking mince pies and chocolate Yule log
Extra stocking fillers, individually wrapped (including small items like pens)
Secret Santa gifts for colleagues
The dreaded work Christmas party
Movie marathon sleepover
Charity fundraiser event

For those with school aged kids, extras to consider might include:

Practicing lines or music and making costumes for the Nativity play/concert
Gifts for the teachers
Writing Christmas cards for the whole class(es)
Mufti/Christmas jumper/themed day
Christingle and/or carol service at church
Christmas fair
End of term projects
Party/lunch/disco

Some of the activities on these lists might be small or trivial but they still need factoring in and it all adds to the mental load.

I feel the only really essential bits are the tree, the food, presents, and getting to the church on time.

As to mental load - I've been doing Christmas since we stopped going to the ILs, probably around 1995. So almost 30 years now. I could quite literally organise and execute it in my sleep. After I got the hang of it (probably around 1998) I made a master list and timetable. I had a similar master list for packing for vacations for a family of five DCs.

I'm in the US and as well as Christmas we do Thanksgiving a month beforehand. It was on Thursday last week. It's a mini Christmas Day, food wise. Autopilot again.

Parker231 · 30/11/2024 20:11

Tavaress · 30/11/2024 19:08

99% are though.

There wouldn't be a Christmas like we know of now. Talk about a watered down version..

Woman would soon re-take over..

None of the men in my extended family or friends would have any problem in putting together a lovely Christmas. DH and I make the plans jointly. It’s part of being a family - he’s perfectly capable and I’m not a control freak.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 30/11/2024 19:58

AllTangledUpInTinselAndTiaras · 30/11/2024 19:34

It's nowhere near 99% in my experience. Some people must live in utterly depressing circles.

Indeed.

AllTangledUpInTinselAndTiaras · 30/11/2024 19:34

It's nowhere near 99% in my experience. Some people must live in utterly depressing circles.

SilverChampagne · 30/11/2024 19:27

Tavaress · 30/11/2024 19:08

99% are though.

There wouldn't be a Christmas like we know of now. Talk about a watered down version..

Woman would soon re-take over..

99%? What a ridiculously sweeping statement.
Of course they aren’t.

DogInATent · 30/11/2024 19:27

Tavaress · 30/11/2024 19:08

99% are though.

There wouldn't be a Christmas like we know of now. Talk about a watered down version..

Woman would soon re-take over..

There wouldn't be a Christmas like we know of now
Probably true. But it might be reduced down to the bits people actually enjoy rather than those they pretend to enjoy. Pretty sure it would be less competitive, and as a result less stressful.

saraclara · 30/11/2024 19:22

Tavaress · 30/11/2024 19:08

99% are though.

There wouldn't be a Christmas like we know of now. Talk about a watered down version..

Woman would soon re-take over..

They're really not.

WaltzingWaters · 30/11/2024 19:16

My partner would do amazing food and he’s brilliant at thoughtful gifts. Decorations would be minimal/non existent though.

Tavaress · 30/11/2024 19:08

UpUpUpU · 27/11/2024 17:44

Perfect. There would be lots of fancy food, lovely, well wrapped gifts for us all and festive fun and activities.
Not all men are useless shits

99% are though.

There wouldn't be a Christmas like we know of now. Talk about a watered down version..

Woman would soon re-take over..

Missamyp · 30/11/2024 18:58

Corinthiana · 30/11/2024 15:23

Do you have children?

Not together no.
We live separately.
He gives his children money. They're teenagers.

WearyAuldWumman · 30/11/2024 18:54

Corinthiana · 30/11/2024 18:46

That's a lovely story, @WearyAuldWumman ! I'm glad your Dad learned to cook.

Thank you. In retirement, he took to watching cookery shows. He used to supplement his main dishes with the most beautifully presented salad dishes: they were absolute works of art.

We didn't have any mince pies to leave out for Santa the year that Mum was in hospital, of course, because Mum wasn't there to bake them.

Me: Do you think it'll be all right if I leave a packet of Spangles for Santa?

Dad: Aye, that'll be fine.

Me: Do you think Santa will mind if I have one...?

I recall that there were only three Spangles left for poor old Santa in the end!

Corinthiana · 30/11/2024 18:46

That's a lovely story, @WearyAuldWumman ! I'm glad your Dad learned to cook.

Bjorkdidit · 30/11/2024 18:44

OP, the only person putting pressure on is you is you. Perhaps rationalise your list a little, instead of trying to absolutely everything possible that is Christmas related. If you want a quiet, low key, 'Man Christmas', just have one.

Should do, providing you want to, but share the load
Buying, preparing and cooking a three course meal for multiple people
Clearing and washing up after the meal
Buying multiple presents for family
Wrapping said presents nicely

Optional, quite nice to have, but again, only if you want to and the load is shared
Sorting games, entertainment and outings
Cleaning whole house (don't you do this anyway?)
Baking treats like gingerbread houses
Visiting and/or hosting family

Entirely your choice, completely unnecessary and you could just not do these things.
--Writing and sending cards (at 85p per stamp!)
Christmas Eve boxes
Christmas jumpers
Elf on a shelf
Seeing Santa
Writing letters to Santa
Matching PJs for the whole family, including dog
Getting hold of the latest trendy item, Jingle All the Way style
Making Mulled wine and hot chocolate
Handmade decorations and ornaments
Baking a Christmas pud
Advent calendar and candle
Going caroling
Visiting a Christmas market
Attending a carol service at church and/or midnight mass
Driving around looking for lights
Hiding presents before and after wrapping
Festive playlist
Decorating whole house inside and out
Finding and decorating a tree
Special tableware
Special bedding
Charity appeals such as shoebox gifts
Writing thank you notes
Wreath making workshops
Baking mince pies and chocolate Yule log
Extra stocking fillers, individually wrapped (including small items like pens)
Secret Santa gifts for colleagues
The dreaded work Christmas party
Movie marathon sleepover
Charity fundraiser event
For those with school aged kids, extras to consider might include:
Practicing lines or music and making costumes for the Nativity play/concert
Gifts for the teachers
Writing Christmas cards for the whole class(es)
Mufti/Christmas jumper/themed day
Christingle and/or carol service at church
Christmas fair
End of term projects
Party/lunch/disco--

WearyAuldWumman · 30/11/2024 18:40

itsgettingweird · 30/11/2024 17:44

Absolutely fine.

Since my mum died my dad has organised our family Christmas every year, my brother always does most of cooking alongside my dads help and last year we went to my brothers and he booked it all.

Not all men are useless twats.

And I swear half of them act like it because theirs no point putting in a whole Load of effort that's unappreciated because it isn't how the other person would have done it.

One year, back in the '60s, my mum was in hospital for a few months, trying to stave off a threatened miscarriage. (Unfortunately, she still lost the baby.)

I stayed with an aunt and uncle during the week, but with Dad at weekends and over the holidays. (Dad was on shift work.) He'd been brought up in a very traditional manner where only women did the cooking etc.

Dinner at weekends and the holidays mainly consisted of Grant's tinned mince and Smash. There was an offer on - 4 empty Smash packets and your address got you a free Tupperware box. Dad gave me permission to send them off.

By the time Mum got home, we had boxes and boxes of Tupperware in the house...She kept some and gave the rest away to relatives.

She asked me what we'd had for Christmas dinner: "Dog meat!"

After that, Mum made a point of teaching Dad how to cook and to do the washing. Dad had done all the washing at weekends and holidays, but had bleached all my navy blue school knickers...

I recall that Santa came that year, but things weren't quite set out the way they should have been. Santa's presents should have been in a pillowcase; presents from relatives were piled up separately. That year, Santa had mixed them all up a bit.

Mum and Dad were a good team, but things changed a bit after that Christmas. He really did become a very good cook. I recall Mum saying that she thought he'd have become a chef if he'd been given the chance.

Mum was a SAHM who did all the caring for her parents. Once Dad retired, the housework was split between them and Dad helped Mum to care for her elderly uncle.

Nowadays, I should imagine that most couples share domestic tasks. As I've stated above, my late husband certainly did more than his fair share.

mathanxiety · 30/11/2024 18:38

Fiddlesticks32 · 30/11/2024 14:59

I don't have much patience with people who wear themselves out doing things that don't actually need doing and which nobody would miss

I see your point @Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g but the reality is a lot of women would feel as though Christmas was ruined if they didn't pull out all the stops every year. There's an awful lot of pressure these days on (mostly) Mums to 'make memories' and provide their children with the 'perfect' magical Christmas.

Making memories, Christmas magic, Christmas ruined - none of those concepts existed when my DCs were born in the 90s.

Back then, the idea of a 'perfect' family occasion that included children (or most people's relatives, let's face it) would have been greeted by guffaws because people had a healthy respect for reality.

Yes, social media has a lot to answer for, but we all have the choice to take a step back and leave the fools to their folly. I suspect the vast majority of people actually do just that.

mathanxiety · 30/11/2024 18:27

StandingSideBySide · 30/11/2024 15:56

Irish family born in 1930s
An orange if they were very lucky and had any money
All they really did was spend a lot of time in Church.

ps dads family were tenant farmers but also worked down the mines in Tipperary

Edited

That sounds like my mum's childhood Christmases in the 1930s and early 40s in Ireland. She got knitting needles when she was ten (in the thick of WW2, neither hide nor hair of an orange to be had) and learned to knit socks shortly thereafter.

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