To be annoyed about DD Secret Santa?

I think that's a perfect solution OP

That other mum is garbage. She didn’t even need to spend £5 … could have gotten Xmas thing sg Poundland, sweets, small thing.

Wonder if she will announce next year to take her child out in ADVANCE … or does she enjoy being thieving Scrooge !

I'd buy a present for the DD, and to be honest, at <£5, I'd be tempted to hand in a few extra "spares", (maybe instead of doing a present for the teacher this year). I bet that mum will not be the only one and at least she had the decency to let you know. What a daft idea for 10yos.

I don't think the school should be requiring people to spend £5 at a really expensive time of year. So I don't think the mum did anything wrong but I would probably just by my child a gift. Maybe feedback to the teacher that it isn't the best idea for future years.

What a shit situation all round.

Buy a present for DD and give it to the teacher.

I don't think it said the boy should be the only one not to get a present because his mum doesn't want to take part.

A kids class secret Santa sounds like it was destined to be a disaster from the start. What a terrible idea from whoever started it off !

I always dread secret santa. Never opt out though as I'd look like the only meanie in the village. So many times I've bought carefully considered gifts for my allocated individual and received something very generic like a chocolate orange, cheap candle or a shopping bag. Twice I got earrings which were very nice but unfortunately the giver had not noticed I did not have pierced ears (I suppose that's fairly unusual though).

Old boss was the worst as she'd always forget. Every year she would be given the chance to opt out. No no, she wanted to "join in the fun" then the deadline would pass despite prompts and she'd bad temperedly throw a tenner at her secretary or just ask her to go and get a present for her (which she'd forget to pay back) and recipient would end up with whatever Tesco Express or Boots had available. She always enjoyed receiving a gift though, apart from one year when she got a mug that said "What I need is more money and time and less shit from you people" which was exactly the sort of thing she would say. She did NOT find it funny. Cathy if you are reading this, it was from me

At our school they did secret Santa book swap. After the first year seeing a little girl in tears because her gift giver was off sick that day, I used to buy an extra gender neutral book and send it in with my DD to give to the teacher - so that she could use it for anyone who was missing a gift or just keep it for her classroom if not needed.

I would buy your DD an amazing gift totally ignoring the budgetary restriction.

Yes, secretly buy her a gift this year but I am astounded that a Secret Santa is being instigated at a bloody school! FFS, isn't there enough pressure on families without having to fork out for a gift for a random person??

Can't stand secret santa, there is always someone not happy guaranteed. I have opted out of our office one for a long time and this year our team one has quietly died a death after the politics last year!

I am surprised a school in encouraging this, especially without consulting parents. Lots of families may not want to take part in this, and while the amount is low, for some people it is still an unnecessary cost. I would be talking to the school about stopping this in the future. At least you are aware your daughter won't be getting a gift so can provide something, but I wonder if there are others in the class who might also end up empty handed if other children don't bring in something. (Unless the teacher is prepared for this and has a supply of multiple gifts).

who is ‘they?’

At least they’ve organised it early. Ours always waited until the last week, and invariable the dc would have ultra specific ideas of what to buy, that didn’t actually exist in any shop in this universe.

Buy and give to teacher. Perfect.

Im my aqua natal group there were seven of us and we all bought for one baby, except for one mum who didn't. There were raised eyebrows that she took a gift for her child though..

I dont think secret santa works in school unfortunately...last year my son picked a lovely present for his recipient but the person who got him forgot to buy a present 🙄 they are high school so he was able to understand bit its still rubish.

I think your idea is a great one but I think schools that do secret santa are unreasonable...kids are generally reliant on their parents to buy the presents and if they dont do it, its other kids that miss out

As a teacher I can tell you that in the past I have asked the children to check with their parents first. I have been clear that it is opt in only. There are always kids who don't buy but accept gifts. I always end up buying extra gifts. I try very hard to not do it but they often really like want it.

I don't understand why schools do this during a time of cost of living crisis. Gift giving should be voluntary not coerced. Let kids buy gifts for whomever they want. Same with party invites. Let the kids invite their friends not this whole class of 30 nonsense which is pushed on poor parents!

If you buy your daughter a gift then you are buying two gifts.
Why not just accept the boys gift and swap it later. Tell your daughter why this has happened.
Next year the women not joining in might think twice!

Let her have the boy's gift. If it's less than 10 euros, it's more the excitement of opening it than the gift itself.

Actually I think this might be the best idea.

Giving them the benefit of the doubt, I think the mum may have been blindsided here. The fact she bothered messaging OP shows she does care as she could have said nothing and sent him in empty handed or just told the teacher.

Mum and the boy might actually be feeling really awkward about it and would rather not receive anything since they are not buying anything.

So whether they're CF or not this is still probably the best approach.

I would buy her a gift and give it to the teacher.

Buying a gift for her and giving it to the teacher is the only solution, but it is unfair that you have to buy two gifts.

I think it is fine to buy a gift yourself. I don’t think school should do secret Santa without parental agreement. Some people have no money

Agree that you should just buy a little something she'll like and give it to the teacher - they'll understand what's happened.