To be annoyed about DD Secret Santa?

This is exactly why as a teacher I will not do a secret santa with my tutor group. Even if it’s not like the OP above, it is extra stress on families and can be a side outlet for bullying. If the kids want to buy their mates presents then fine, go ahead.

How bloody annoying

I bet the teacher hasn’t thought this through and won’t do it again. Yes do buy something for your daughter though it’s ridiculous really that you should have to

I'm not yet a parent but a school ss sounds a terrible idea and I join in my work one

Especially with all the allergies/different beliefs/potential moaning about a boy or girl being given a boy or girl specific gift when the parent only wants gender neutral etcetera

Plus the teacher will probably have to get a few spares in case children are ill/forget/lose the gift/parents can't afford it

I wouldn't particularly want to buy a random gift for a child my child may or may not like either!

If it was my DD I'd absolutely buy the present, I think it's a nice way to solve the problem and make sure DD feels included. When I first started teaching secondary I thought secret santa would be great for my form, but I soon realised it was rife with logistical issues and potentially hurt feelings. I think it's one of those Christmassy things that sounds nicer than it is.

Having my own tutor group in Secondary, I run a Secret Santa for them every year, and there are ALWAYS hiccups for multiple reasons. I'd say on average there's a 80% success rate across the group of 30, so generally 2 or 3 kids who end up with no gift, even though they may well have contributed themselves.
I do have spare gifts stashed in the cupboard, generic chocolate or silly socks, and make sure that when all the gifts with labels on have been given out, then those with nothing yet get one of the spares from the cupboard. Takes a little engineering so that they don't realise what happened!

If a parent ever supplied a gift to cover up for another parent or child not contributing that would be amazing, I'd sooo appreciate the thought, it's a great suggestion.

I would assume the mum can't afford to participate this year and certainly wouldn't begrudge her little boy getting a gift along with everyone else - none of this is his fault. Send in a gift for your daughter, OP, it's a very simple solution.

And this is why I don't agree with SS at school (as a teacher). It's a really hard one to juggle and quite unfair. Not all can afford it, not all out enough effort in, and many don't really like the person they get. I know that it's meant to be a good thing but it tends to leave a bad taste in my mouth.

So her DS will be receiving his gift?
But, she doesn’t believe in Secret Santa…

Also, you have to buy something for the kid you have selected, and for your DD. Thus, spending a tenner.

Very unfair of that mum to do this!

I hate it and refuse to participate.

And it's such a stupid thing to involve children in at school.

I’d buy a gift and hand it to the class teacher. The child should have been removed before drawing names as presume they ask parents first?

We can all get into a storm over the rights & wrongs & finer details (yes she's a CF), but life is short, there's enough going on in the run up to Christmas. You have a perfect solution to stop your DD getting hurt by having no gift.

so yeah, just buy her a gift she'll enjoy (stick to the €5, don't go over the top as someone else suggested. That'll just cause more drama.

maybe mention when giving it to the teacher, that the other mother does celebrate Christmas, but not SS, but has no problem with her boy accepting a gift & how hurt your DD woukd have been had you not heard about this in advance & maybe they need to get parents to opt in or out.

Don't forget to wrap it in gift wrap your DD won't see at home & know you've done this!!

Who is 'they'?

Correction: it’s giving Secret Santa gifts that she doesn’t believe in. She’s perfectly happy to receive them.

Wow. You don't sound any better yourself.
You've just assumed someone is a CF when you know nothing about them.

I was going to suggest you buy something and give it in. Really miserable and inconsiderate bordering on cruel behaviour from the other parent. How would her son feel?

Most offices do secret samta. I can remember vividly one year everyone gathered and gifts were handed out and there wasn’t one for me, I felt so embarrassed and I would’ve been about 28 at the time!

... this year.... for your daughter.
😠

That parent who doesn’t believe in secret Santa is a massive CF. I bet she accepts the sons gift 🙄

No she isn't. If it's not something they believe then it's totally valid to not participate.

The teachers should have checked with parents beforehand.

This

and tbh I would be speaking to the other mother telling her that next year she speaks to the teacher beforehand so no other child is left out because she doesn’t want her child to take part

and having just seen a post I would ask the teacher to remove that child’s gift on the premise that his mother has said they don’t believe in it.

I think you have a good solution, do that.

pretty embarrassing of the boys mother, but not something you can insist on. She should have told the teacher ahead of time.

I think the mum did something wrong when she said, after names were given out, that she simply ... won’t be buying a gift as they don’t believe in this kind of thing.
Funny enough she believed in it when her son's name was in the hat 🤔

I would definitely buy my DD a secret Santa gift for a fiver.. I would be irritated but would try not to be irritated (for my own sake and who knows what the other mum is going through I guess) with the other mum for not pulling out earlier.

That girl should have handed her gift over to your DD.

I think it's a good idea to buy your DD a present to be given out. However, I'd be extremely pissed off that the child not participating will willing accept a present from someone else - his parents should have told the teacher long before names were drawn, especially as this is an annual event.