To be annoyed about DD Secret Santa?

Your idea is fine and will sort the problem. I think if the teacher or school has come up with this idea they ought to be sorting out any shortfall in gifts.

I am not teacher bashing, i am a teacher myself, but these things need to be thought through so no one is left out.

Hate this sort of thing, any kid not included for whatever reason is going to feel left out, and puts pressure on parents at an already busy and expensive time of year. You buying her something is the best solution in this scenario, and if the other boy is the only not getting anything let him have the other gift that was already purchased.

He probably wanted to take part!

I agree with pp- give the teacher a present for your dd that will seem to come from the boy whose mum isn’t giving a gift. After all, the children aren’t the decision-makers here- her stance is what seems unreasonable and even cruel (but also the school could communicate around this first to make sure everyone signed up).

Secret Santa that you don’t have to specifically opt in to is really poor and one in primary school is bloody ridiculous and clearly prone to all the issues you get in adult ones and then some.

I would tell the teacher you’ll provide the Secret Santa gift for your child to receive and the gift that was going to go to the kid who opted out can go to whoever your DD was supposed to gift to - if they want it.

It makes things a bit messier, but that is a tradition that should not be helped to continue.

I would do just that

But the school is an arsehole for allowing a secret santa for kids

As if there isn't enough financial pressure on parents at this time of the year.

I’ve seen secret Santa go wrong too often and people get hurt by it, and that’s adults! I hate it, stupid idea.

I think that you should suggest to the school they make this the last secret santa, and perhaps fundraise for a local charity instead in future years.

I'm angry on your behalf, OP!

If the mum accepts the gift, she needs to buy your DD a gift.

She really should have made her wishes known earlier i.e. as soon as the Secret Santa was announced.

Surely now she knows what's happened she can just buy your DD a gift and not participate in future years?

Thank you. The negative inference about a non-Christian background from that comment seems unpleasant. Disappointing to see that on MN.

This is the school or whoever organises its fault - they should check who is participating and who isn't before issuing the names.

Secret santa at school is such a stupid idea.

It didn't sound like parents were given option or consulted. Perhaps I missed that?

I can completely understand why you are frustrated. I don’t understand why they would do secret santa in a school setting. If the mum has been happy to participate in secret santa previously then it is unkind of her to refuse to participate this year especially when she knows that someone is buying for her son. It’s not her son’s fault though that his mum refuses to participate this year so I think it would be best to just buy a little gift for your daughter and give it to the class teacher to give to her. I would then ignore the mum.

simply saying they won’t be buying a gift as they don’t believe in this kind of thing.

So why did the mum not tell the teacher to not put her son’s name in the hat if they don’t believe in that kind of thing? It’s very unfair to expect someone to buy her child a gift whilst not getting another child a gift

Good point.

Thought I was the only one to notice that comment can't believe it's not been deleted.

Gosh I’d be so annoyed at a school that enforced this! I hate it when schools have such expectations of parents (mums, let’s face it). And it means so many kids get left out too

In your shoes, yes I’d do exactly that, but her a gift yourself. I’ve been an the situation like PP where I’ve sat like an absolute lemon without a secret Santa gift despite taking part in the exchange myself and I felt like a total idiot - and I was a fully grown adult! I’d hate a 10yo to feel that way.

Yea definitely. Surely this miserable mother isn't going to let her DS take a gift?

The DS shouldn’t be allowed to pull out. He doesn’t get your DD a gift yet he gets one? He is effectively excluding someone else. Your DD will probably feel left out and maybe even bullied with no gift. I would be texting the boys mother back and telling her she’s a cheapskate!

Whoever decides to do SS without opt out, whether the class teacher or more senior. Otherwise no all the adults have agreed.

I'd buy the gift. But I'd also suggest that in future years the school check who wants to take part before handing names out or children will be disappointed!

I was left out before and I did buy a prese t and it was shite. I hate doing it now encase that happens again!

100% buy for your daughter

Why should the teacher have to do this? You do realise teachers are constantly buying things to supplement the crap budgets??

That’s annoying. People should be able to opt out but before they do the ballot thing!