To be annoyed about DD Secret Santa?

That’s a kind thing to do and probably what I would have done but I wonder what the boy will do? My mum would have told me not to take a gift and would have been cross if I arrived home with something. The misery of a secret Santa would have carried on for weeks with me. Damned by everyone each and every way.
@Superworm24 I do sympathise with your childhood circumstances. There was one girl in my boy’s class who had been taunting him for weeks. I’m now wondering if his used makeup/little princess pink present was from her. Fortunately he’s not too bothered and his dad who was calling me a misery for my previous eye rolling when SS was announced, is now thoroughly in agreement with me that these things have no place in schools.

Thankfully this wasn't a thing when I was at school. I didn't even have sanitary products half the time and there's no way I'd have had money for secret santa. I hope your DS wasn't too hurt by it. I would have had to give a rubbish present and probably would have pretended it was because I didn't care if anyone found out.

So you ended up paying for two pressies

Bless you

Very strange this year the parent said no if has done before

Would make more sense that anyone who wants to do it buys a unisex present

And all in the bag and pick one

Secret santander

love this

My daughter missed out on girl guides Secret santander last week as she was absent the week before when they arranged it so feeling bad I bought her some craft stuff she wanted in aldi on the way home. Yes definitely buy your daughter a present so she's not left out

@LuckysDadsHat "Has she told the person who pulled the sons name out? I bet she's a CF and her son will take a gift still though" Or she is something like, for example, a Witness, so doesn't celebrate Christmas. But hey, let's leapt to the most mean spirited explanation possible. It is Christmas, after all.

@Grealish buying a present is a perfect solution. To be honest, I would have expected the teacher to suggest it. But it's a busy time of the year in schools!

My kid's school does this when in 5th/6th class 5 euro limit . Never an issue except when some parents don't stick to it and you get an incident like today where my daughter received a Lego set worth about 50 euro from her ss when others got a selection box from theirs . Which obviously led to all sorts of problems and questions today , I've a feeling it might be scrapped next year

Remembering this thread and the evil that is Secret Santa in school as my child (male, secondary, budget £5 = giant chocolate bar AND Christmas chocs) just came home with some pink princess stickers and some dubious (possibly used) girl’s pink make up. Left wondering, is the family unable to afford an appropriate gift? Did they get confused about who it was for? Did they forget and just reach for anything? Did they not really want to take part so thought meh? Or is this purposely spiteful to humiliate a young boy? So many possibilities. Only one firm conclusion. Stop this nonsense now!

As a teacher, I think SS is a bloody ridiculous thing to do in any school. It’s extra admin for the teacher to chase people up; several kids will forget to bring their gift in; it gives parents an extra stress and expense; £5 or £10 might be nothing to some people but some families will really struggle to find extra money at Christmas for a random child. On top of which, children cannot keep a secret and it inevitably ends up with them telling each other who they bought for and/or a less popular child getting a crappy present from someone. On every level, it’s a terrible idea and schools should ban it.

Yes buy the gift (although.who organised this ?!?!? sounds like a load of hassle and there will be disappointed kids and people spending more than 10 euro and less than 5 euro...not worth the effort) but anyway the boy not involved should have said so at the start, no one believes in secret santa ...what on earth ? (and I'll bet he keeps the gift)

So more pressure and expense for parents to prove how trendy they are . Get the kids to make a nice card in class and write some thoughtful words of encouragement in it .

I got forgotten for a work secret Santa, I know I’m an adult but I ended up with a boys present a cooking book about meat!!! I was gutted as I’d put so much thought into my gift so it would be lovely for you to get her a gift and give it to the teacher

Definitely buy your daughter a gift.
The mother should have pulled out beforehand, very thoughtless of her to just leave your daughter without anything. I wonder if she objects to her son receiving....🤔

I wonder if her not caring about this 'kind of things' will go as far as rejecting her own son's gift or if she is happy that he still receives one.

Yes, that's a good point. I had assumed the other mum had told the teacher that her child doesn't need a gift, which is generous considering she has already bought a present for a boy. But if she hasn't, then it's poor form to accept a gift chosen for her child in mind and yet expect OP's child to accept a present meant for a different child.

Yes buy your DD a little gift, it would be awful if all the others are opening the presents and she is left out. The other mum is being awkward. I could understand if they didn't celebrate Xmas, but if they do, why use Secret Santa between school children to make a statement? I wonder if her not caring about this 'kind of things' will go as far as rejecting her own son's gift or if she is happy that he still receives one.

If the problem is money as some people suggested, just get something cheaper, kids won't know, they just want the joy of being included. Some nice stationery, hair accessories, a fun bath bomb, there is so many cheap gift options for girls.

What a shit mum to do that to her son 😢

Well if she didn't believe in it then she should have informed the school and had her son removed. Awful behaviour. I guess the other parents isn't prepared to return the gift and get something more appropriate? That being the case, yes, get your daughter a gift. The Teacher is being incredibly wet and unhelpful. They must know a child left out would be incredibly hurt and upset.

Is the boy still going to receive a gift then? I mean it's pretty mean of the mum too if her child might end up being the only one not recieving a gift in the class.

But definitely buy your child a gift and ask teacher to add to the pile.

I have to say, it is mean on the mum's part; her son is receiving a gift but not getting one for someone else, which seems unfair to me... absolutely fair enough if you don't agree with it, but then surely that means that they don't agree with the whole thing?

Agree that it's their prerogative not to take part, but it sounds like this has been known about for weeks if OP's DD was talking about picking the names soon and the mother of the other child OP was going to swap with has already bought their gift. The other mum should have realised it was too late to pull out now and just bought something little, it's a few euros.

I’d ask for the gift that was intended for the other kid (whose parents don’t believe in SS (and use as a future regift/tombola) and bit something fir my child.

Your solution sounds the best way. I agree that it won't spoil Christmas for her, but it's the excitement of everyone in class opening their gifts and having her be left out. I would have thought that parents could opt out - that way, the little boy won't buy anything, but also won't be receiving anything.

I have to say, it is mean on the mum's part; her son is receiving a gift but not getting one for someone else, which seems unfair to me... absolutely fair enough if you don't agree with it, but then surely that means that they don't agree with the whole thing?

Can't believe the other mum is so mean to be honest, she must have known this could cause issues because of the way Secret Santa works and that her ducking out when names have already been drawn would mean your DD didn't get a gift to open. Even if she just bought a bag of chocolate buttons and wrapped them it would be something.

The teacher/school should have made this opt-in from the start and they definitely should have acted when you flagged up that your DD was going to end up without a gift! What if there are other parents doing the same and more kids will be disappointed, or parents who will be annoyed on secret Santa day if they've spent money they couldn't really afford because they didn't want to be the cause of someone being left out.