AIBU that husband is going out too much?

I think it's very common to have different friends at different times in your life, and for doing different things.

I used to have the NCT Mums round in the afternoon (well, a select few that kept in touch) and open a bottle of fizz while the babies crawled round playing with toys . Also loved those days. Everyone left by 5pm.

I agree. When I had babies I had some lovely afternoons/evenings with friends coming round. We'd get a take away, have a glass of wine, watch a film or just chat. Babies on boobs! I really miss those times actually.

I think the issue is you don't have the social circle to do the same as what you've described doesn't sound unreasonable to me. I go out fairly often, my girlfriends are an amazing support to me, I go out once or twice a week and have weekends away. DH goes out less than me but when he does he drinks more so is usually not fit for much the following day where as I don't tend to drink a lot, so it balances out.

We do also socialise together and host friends at ours once a month ish - we are both outgoing/extroverted and socialising is important to us. Worth mentioning we do involve our DC sometimes too so have a good balance

So why not arrange to go over to hers for a takeaway, or see if she wants to bring the baby with her to you?

Socialising doesn't need to mean going "out out", but it you'd prefer that then it's probably best that you try and make new friends who aren't stuck in the breastfeeding/baby stage for now,

Join a weekly class. Then you will always have company. By next year the babies will be off the boob.

It sounds like you want your DH to spend all his non working hours with you. That isn't healthy. You both need some time away from family doing something else. In no way is he out excessively and if he sometimes takes the DC on these meet ups he is obviously happy to look after them . You need to find something to do for yourself that doesn't involve only talking about the bedtime routine

Sounds okay to me. One evening a week and one meet up with a friend once a month isn't too much. Added bonus if he takes your DS and you get time to yourself.
If he wants to get out more that might be too much but it depends. Will he be going out twice a month or twice a week (plus his hobby night)? One is unreasonable the other isn't.
If there are six nights a week free why can't you do a hobby then? Also try and keep the friendships you have. Children grow up really quickly and when you all have slightly older kids you'll be able to spend more time together.

It doesn't sound like he's going out a lot, but if he's default leaving feeding and bathing his child and walking the dog to you every night, I can see why that would be frustrating. Even if you're not going out anywhere, he should really give you an evening to do what you want where he's taking care of the house and family.

You can't clip someone else's freedom just because you don't have any yourself.

Go out on your own - go to the cinema, or out to read and have a coffee in peace for a few hours. Join a casual walking group, or a book club, or something gentle like yoga. At this time of year there's loads of crafty stuff you could join as well.

It's so important to maintain your social life when you have kids - don't let yourself fall into the trap of being "mum" all the time.

He's not being unreasonable at all. That's a very modest amount of time to be out seeing friends.
However, I think you and your friends with babies are all being a bit defeatist saying you can't go out. You need to think outside the box! It's not about "going out on the piss" but looking for other things you can do.
When I was breastfeeding I still managed some evenings out - some dinners at a local restaurant. I'd leave some expressed milk for DH but I only stayed out about 3 hours so I was usually back by the time they wanted another feed. Or how about hosting a film night, late afternoon/early in the evening, everyone brings their babies and you're finished by babies bed time.
It sounds like you are socialising, but during the day. That's fine and obviously something your partner can't do because of work.
I remember being quite sociable when mine were babies. Not necessarily big night out, but lots of hanging out with friends at their houses, going out for lunch, or tea and cake with our babies, lots of walks with friends and babies in the pushchairs, a few dinners in the evenings. We certainly weren't all stuck indoors.

My little one is 22m and hasn't been a great sleeper. I go out for a weeknight dinner once every few weeks with friends (a group of which some are parents of similar age children and some are not). The child may need bedtime every night but it is not always necessary for both parents to be there for this. I didn't go out without baby in the early months due to BF (still BF now but he is put to bed by dad without). You may all be choosing to spend your evenings doing bedtimes and that is fine but it's absolutely possible for people to go out if they choose to. We do a lot with family/couple friends though together on a weekend. We don't do anything together as we have no babysitting options so it's important for us to have social time individually

I think the people saying you don't want another child are being deliberately dim. Having a child does not automatically mean you don't deserve and can't have a life outside of children.

Where I do think you are wrong is that assuming that because you don't have a social life sorted out, your husband should sacrifice his. It's on you to sort out what you want to do with your life- I know it's hard, but nobody else can do it for you. It's literally your problem to solve.

In your situation, I joined Peanut (a mum app) and made a couple more local friends, with kids similar ages. But, specifically, I started chatting with those who listed interests that were not all child related- who said they liked going dancing, eating out, a glass of wine chatting with friends. The mum I clicked with is very sociable, and we now see each other regularly both with and without the kids- it was awkward at first, but after visit 2 it eased, and we're good friends.

Secondly, I joined a book club. There are lots of people there who don't know each other, and it's not a highbrow one at all. We meet once a month in the pub, but there's no expectation to drink- have something if you want something. We sit, chat for half an hour about the book, and then just have a nice hour sitting together. Gradually it's grown, so there's now about 15-18 of us, we invite along any friends who are in your position basically! And this was set up from nothing by my sociable peanut mum friend- she had looked on Facebook for a local group, didn't find one that suited, so put up in a local facebook group that she was planning on starting one, and individual people joined her. We all didn't know each other a year ago, but there's some lovely, bright, funny women there.

I’m a grandmother but I remember the days when my kids were babies.

We belonged to an informal babysitting group and we’d go out once or twice a month - concerts or dinner - and babysat for others in return.

We’d host dinners every now and again and we often had friends over for Sunday lunch.

But all along I’d go out by myself at least once a month. Opera, theatre, concert etc - it wouldn’t have occurred to me to stop doing these things.

You can't plan your life around your friends. If you want to be out, go out. Invite them, they might come. Even with no childcare, they still have their spouses (just like your DH has you...). Or find something new to do by yourself, doesn't have to be an organised hobby.
Don't get sucked into competitive martyrdom.

He doesn’t go out too much, you’re jealous because you don’t! Why don’t you go to the gym or a class or cinema or dinner alone and he can look after the baby? Then you get time yourself as well.

If you can't find a hobby how about an evening job or voluntary work?

A job will give you extra cash and either would help you meet more people and maybe make new friends

He has a social life outside of the home. I think you need to get one to. It's healthy to have outside interests, and it gives you something to talk about. You both need to be individuals in your own right and not just wife, mum, sister etc always meeting other peoples needs. You need to do a class or join something so you're getting down time. Start building your own social circle onstead of being jealous of his. My mum friends do a range of different things including choir, book club, line dancing, zumba, gym and I'm learning sign language. Think about what you want to do and go for it

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I'm rubbish at maintaining a social life with kids, t even I think you'd need to get out more.

I had a very tricky bottle refuser who would scream the house down if refused boob until gone 2. Not going out because of covid (she was 1 when it hit) probably didn't help, but I gave up on socialising for a long time. My husband didn't go out much, but more than me. The difference is that I didn't resent him for it, but just saw it as something I'd personally shelved for a while.

Given you want to go out, then you have options:

• for those that have breastfed babies, go round theirs and order pizza, accepting that they may need to go upstairs and resettle sometimes.

• meet during the day
• if their babies are newborns then they can just come out with mum. I took mine to many restaurants etc.

Honestly, try for once a month to begin with.
The friend who hasn't had a date night - doing read anything into that. Many couples find it easier to see friends than eachother because they don't have a suitable babysitter.

We’ve got two special needs kids and my husband is out socialising and going to the gym at least four nights a week.

Go out alone. I do.
YABU.