Feeling too guilty about my ex husband

He might be crying or not, but telling them he is is a way to manipulate you. Some people can also do the fake tears routine.

Given all the events in the news about what violent men do their ex or current partners who challenge them, I would be tempted to move far far away and change my identity. Easier said than done though of course.

I would be focussed on preventing my child having contact with this man. Not the other way around.

Oh, I've been here! 'Mutual' friends telling me shit like this. Be clear - these are NOT your friends. Anyone who has contact with him is NOT a friend, they are a person who condones and endorses your abuse.

I, too, didn't understand how much danger I was in, because you become numb to it - it took me a good 6-8 months of No Contact for my brain and body to be regulated enough to understand what I had dealt with - and at that point I became TERRIFIED. So please know you are not understanding things clearly right now, and as someone above has mentioned, try to consider how you would feel if a sister or daughter was in this situation. What would you want for her?

This is a dangerous man. Keep your child away from him as much as you can. As soon as this child is able to understand speech, his father will start pouring poison in his ear about you. Not to mention how men like this know that the best revenge they can have on their exes is to hurt their child.

He isn't crying. He's having a great time in prison with other men just like him.

Leave the guilt where it belongs - with him. He is FINALLY getting some consequences for his actions. And your 'friends' are trying to interfere with a court-case witness. They don't care about you. Bin them.

So you are happy he starts stalking you again if you drop the charges( and not sure you can as the police have enough evidence to move matters forward anyway) Because he will.

You are happy he is a bad example to the child, because he is

You are happy to feel unsafe and worried 24/7 about what he will do next, because he will do something

As an adult he knows there are consequences to every action he takes. This is the consequence of an action he has chosen to take, and if he’s crying everyday in prison, then that’s his problem, not your

And I wouldn’t be letting him anywhere near my child ever again

Your XH is facing the consequences of his own actions.
Stay firm. You are doing the right thing.
The fact that you care so much has been twisted against you and creating a cycle of push/ pull

It is unlikely to get better. You are doing your child a favour

Don't feel guilty Op, he broke the law and you can't trust him. not near you or your DS. Of course he's unhappy in prison, hopefully he'll change for the better but for now you need to stay safe. Your DS misses him but that's your EXs fault, not yours

If the police and courts have decided he was dangerous enough to need to be on remand while awaiting trial, I would not be encouraging or facilitating any contact between him and my child unless a court ordered me to (which they almost certainly wouldn't).

I work in the Criminal Justice System, there is very little room in prisons at the moment, they are only remanding people who they think are a serious risk to others. Please realise you owe this man nothing! He behaved as he did and is now facing the consequencea of that. You have nothing to feel guilty about! And stop talking to your "friends" who are making you feel bad. They are no friend to you or your child.

Please keep yourself and your child safe from this man. Have you applied for a non molestation order?

Crying crocodile tears. Not your issue.
Your child is young he will survive just breezily say oh daddy cannot talk today let s go play with your toys or go to the park

I think you have to stay strong and trust that this is the right thing at the moment for you and your son.
The courts don’t remand people lightly. Depriving someone of their liberty before trial means he has demonstrated he cannot be trusted in the community.
He may sound remorseful now but once he is released, chances are it won’t be long until he is harassing you both again.
I’m fairly sure the way you are feeling is pretty normal especially when it is an ex partner and there were once obviously feelings involved.
Do you have a phone number for the Victim Liason officer at the police station who could provide you some support?
If it’s a DV issue, even if you were to retract your statement the CPS could continue with the prosecution.
Hold steady, keep yourself and your son safe would be my advice.

I think it's quite sad your 'friends' have told you his is not well/crying. That's not on you, it's him

If you had a grown up daughter, and it was her partner, what would you tell her to do? There’s your answer.

👆 this

Your ex husband is responsible for his actions, and the consequences of those actions. You are not. Absolutely no need to feel guilty, or give up the case. Definitely safer for you and your child to let the case proceed.

Well, you could theoretically drop your case against him. What will this achieve? He will be free and will continue stalking and harassing you. Were you jumping up and down with joy while he was doing it? I bet not. I bet "the friends" didn't go and report to him that you are crying every day due to his unlawful behaviour either.
And, often, it is only the matter of time before stalking turns into a femicide.

Do you think someone who stalks and harasses people is a safe or healthy person for a child to have contact with? Do you really?

He’s clearly an awful dangerous man. Protect your child from him.

Oh, and he’s crying is it? Diddums. He shouldn’t have behaved so appallingly if he didn’t want to get banged up.

Tell your friends to stop shitstirring.