Feeling too guilty about my ex husband

"I heard from some friends,he is not well and he is crying every day in the prison" Tough shit for him - he may learn that there are consequences for his shitty actions.
Those 'friends' are not friends.

Absolutely this. The programme presents some very sobering and terrifying statistics.

Agree. They are not good friends. How do they know he’s crying every day? My bet is that’s what he’s said so it gets back to you! Manipulation!! Gaslighting! He’s on remand for a good reason presumably. Let the law do its thing.

He’s crying because he’s been thwarted probably, not out of guilt or concern for the two of you. it will be all ‘poor poor me’.

I’m making assumptions but I’d bet good money on it.

Move on. Don’t look back. He’s made his bed he needs to lie on it. You owe your child protection from toxic behaviour.

I hope he’s crying as a result of reflecting on his behaviour and what he did to land him in prison but I suspect not.

Your friends aren't genuine. Ditch them. As in many of these cases, you're going to have to be your own cheerleader and advocate for yourself and your child, no matter what anyone else says. You've got to be strong op, otherwise it will never end.

Talk to your social worker about age appropriate ways to explain the situation to your dc.

Best of luck xx

Your ex is crying for himself, he feels
Sorry for himself.

I doubt he has remorse for his behaviour and how intimidating and dangerous he was. I doubt he cares about the impact on his son.

He has to have the consequences of his actions.

Your child needs protecting from this man. Stop the video idea - it will just give your ex more ammunition to use against you. You need to grow a spine and put you and your child first. The people who are telling you he is crying in prison - they are his messengers - he is manipulating them to manipulate you. Use this opportunity to make a new, safe life for you and your son before you become another statistic.

May I also add, that if you back out of the case, your social worker may find you're being negligent to the needs of your child. They may find you aren't able to keep your child safe (as part of his safety is you being safe). And that if you aren't able to do that, then perhaps he's better elsewhere.

Don't go down that rabbit hole. Don't jeopardise your life with your son.

My niece is in care as my sister can't/won't let go of her abusive partner. Don't make the same mistake.

Witnessing domestic abuse between your parents is very damaging.

Could you use the next few months to work on your self esteem and raising your standards? The fact you're feeling guilty suggests that you don't understand the enormity of what's happened and how the relationship has impacted your son.

Time to invest in you and your sons future - ask your GP or social worker for counselling.

In the meantime, stop thinking about your waste of space ex, a loving, kind person doesn't harass or stalk their ex. That's not normal

Oh and he still is harassing you via his friends not respecting the law or your safety

This.

Also to have been remanded for 2 months and 3 to go then his alleged actions have been serious.
The Police/social workers/prosecution in opposing bail must feel that you are likely to be at significant risk if he were out. Especially as prisons are so full.

Keep strong. All the best.

You aren't to blame for this. HE stalked and harassed you. His choice. He wasn't worrying about your feelings whilst he was stalking you was he? Woman up!! He is getting exactly what he deserves and hopefully will learn a valuable lesson.

@Maria02 I recommend you watch 24 hours in police custody on C4, the episode that screened of Monday this week. It was about a stalker who displayed some terrifying behaviour. After he was charged he was bailed and it was explained that only the most dangerous people in stalking and harassment cases are remanded in custody.

He went on to receive 3 years and 9 months in custody at trial.

Your ex must have been considered very dangerous indeed. Please don’t engage on any level.

If you drop your case, he will do it all again, this is just what people like him are like.

The tears are for himself not for the pain he has caused you.

Remember too there is absolutely no space in prison- filled to the rafters so if he's in prison it's for a damned good reason!

Perfect response

Of course he's crying. He's been called out for his behaviour. Don't lose any sleep over that.

If you go back to him now he'll make your life hell and will know all he has to do is cry and you'll drop it.

And drop those friends. They really aren't your friends

It’s good that he’s crying. It shows he’s remorseful (hopefully) and has more chance to learn his lesson.

For your son I think that a really nice, safe activity would be to make/draw something for daddy when he is feeling sad about missing him.

It gives him a healthy action to do to counteract his sadness, and doesn’t bring him into contact with his dad who is clearly dangerous.

Put anything which he draws or makes into a box somewhere which he won’t find and keep it safe for if he can one day resume some supervised contact with your ex.

You put your big grown up pants on and protect your child!

You tell him daddy was not kind to mummy and is not around any more, then change the subject.

How old is this little child? Kids under 5 won't care that much! They move on very quickly.

They’re not your friends their his friends

So what if he’s in crying he’s in prison for committing a crime not on an all inclusive holiday

He isn't crying because he's upset about what he's done to you though, is he!

He's crying because he's been caught, because he's now having a shit time, because he's now feeling hard done by, because he's now the 'victim'.

It's got fuck all to do with what he did to you, or what he did to the mother of his own child, so don't be a fool and be taken in by it!

If he's being kept on remand until March, that suggests that he is a high risk to you. You have nothing to feel guilty about, he is reaping the consequences of his actions and feeling sorry for himself. He's not sorry for what he's done to you. Tell your friends that you don't want to hear anything about him. Distance yourself from people who are looking to interfere and influence you. Get support from friends and family who will help you see this through. Can you speak to the police about victim support? Please be very careful about contact with your child - your ex will use this as a means to control and manipulate you.

He's crying tears of self-pity. Please don't be misled. Concentrate on making your child happy in other ways than contact with this awful man.

Get some new “friends” ..

seriously what kind of friends tell you things like this ?
The fact he’s being held at His Majesty’s Pleasure demonstrates the police don’t think he’s safe in society right now .
His tears aren’t real, he is only upset because he’s lost his freedom for now .
Please put you and your child’s safety first rather than some misguided guilt . If you drop the charges you can look forward to more harrassment and stalking .. or worse