School mornings DH working from home

Wish me DH would try do 2 things at once, we are currently working for the past 18 years at one thing at once 🙄 I do everything, he does nothing is the current arrangement 😡😡

It does sound overly complicated. Pack bags the night before, sort the lunches bar the sandwich because that’s better made fresh on the morning but that takes 30 seconds to do alongside the toast for breakfast. Then it’s shoes on, grab bags and go? Not sure why it needs the overt involvement of 1 parent let alone 2.

Go and sit in the car and let him sort them out.

So is he in the downstairs bathroom door shaving and talking to you and, as you said, giving speeches on behaviour to the kids, and repeating stuff you've said? Or is he at the front door? If the former, I'd simply close the bathroom door on him saying "all in hand, thanks for getting breakfasts and lunches sorted, you get yourself ready now"

I feel your pain - he thinks he's helping but he's already done his part of the morning routine and it's time for you to take over. And if there's an upstairs bathroom, tell him to shave upstairs instead (and move his shaving stuff there before you go to bed) once he's done his part with the breakfast and getting lunches ready, and leave you to do the "get out the door" bit?

Once his bit of the morning routine is done he needs to let you takeover the rest, or he can do it all if he wants...

They can make their own lunches - doesn’t need parents to do it for them. Mornings aren’t complicated - everyone gets themselves up and ready by a set time. Sounds like both parents are making it a stressful time.

Why can’t he make the packed lunches the night before if he is so keen to get involved?

Me and DH do it so that he gets showered first (because it takes him like 5 mins) either me or him get son in school uniform, he takes him downstairs to do breakfast, I get up showered and ready come down and I brush sons teeth, get his shoes and coat on, and we both take him to school on way to work in same car. So, in short I guess we do a bit of both and have got into a routine with it. Maybe just cut the 15 minute handover thing and just do what needs doing?

Bags packed the night before and tell husband that if he doesn't back tf off, he can do it all himself.

He isn't "helping" any more than you are "helping" him by taking them to school - he is their father. If you are doing the packing up and getting out, driving to school why can't he make the packed lunches and check the uniform/bags etc the night before?

Strategic incompetence is a really annoying habit.

Far too complicated.. you go sit in the car until dh puts them in it. Win win.

He sounds infuriating and a control freak. He’s backseat driving your parenting when getting out the door is not a two parent job and he’d drive me insane. It shouldn’t require convoluted strategies and bags in cars the night before - if you and the kids are getting ready and he’s not involved then he needs to say goodbye and then get out the way. The time for lectures on behaviour is not as they’re going out the door in the morning.

I’d tell him he gets out the way or he takes on the whole responsibility for getting them to school - including sorting out whatever gets forgotten and (importantly) dealing with all the emotional fallout, calls from school etc because your child is upset and flustered in the morning. Either take on the whole job, or stop interfering with how someone else is doing it.

Then if they are not the point of doing virtually everything for themselves, you need to start moving towards that.
I told my DC from a younger age that we needed everyone to work together to make sure things ran smoothly. That meant they had to pack their own bags (we started with pictures on the fridge when they were quite young, with me checking and progressed to they sorted it all themselves); let me know if they needed anything the night before etc.

I know TV has mixed views, but we found that allowing them to watch tv when they were totally ready to go, including shoes and everything ready - with the only thing left being to put on their coat worked as an incentive.

If you and DH both need to get yourself to work as well then neither of you should be micromanaging this age group.

He says I’m blaming him when things go wrong but he can’t pass the baton for the last few minutes

He doesn't really need to pass the baton though, does he? Just let him get everyone in the car then you drive off and he's left in peace.

I think you're overcomplicating matters.

Let him see it through, then he'll ready himself for work in his own time.

At that age they get themselves dressed, washed and make breakfast. They sort their school bags the night before and if they don’t make their own lunches (although old enough to do so), these can also be prepared the night before.

Sounds like it’s being over complicated.

Why does it take 15 mins to get them out the door? Shoes on, in car? Done?

It sounds chaotic. I would just leave him to it and meet them in the car if he wants to do it all.
I never had stressful school mornings, everything done the night before. Same routine every morning. If he's causing the stress leave him to it

How old are your DC’s?

Unless you have about 15 kids, I don't see why it's so complicated to do what you do literally every single day. Breakfast, lunch, clothes, bags. It's not a mission to Mars.

You both seem a bit dramatic to be honest.

Bags and coats in the car the night before. Shoes lined up ready to go.

I tried something new today and turned the TV off 15 minutes before we had to leave instead of 5 and this made a big difference so will continue that

It sounds like you need to simplify your morning routine so there is a lot less stress and drama in the morning.