School mornings DH working from home

Because he's a pillock who has to show everyone Who's In Charge and can't stand the feeling that his presence is irrelevant to the morning operation.

He's doing a performance pater familias shtick to boost his own ego.

Is he suffering from anxiety or is he ND?

The way to get around this is to get him to either sleep in or get ready at least 30 minutes earlier and shut himself away in his office, and stay there.

You're not fussed about doing the donkey work, so you should have everything ready the night before so nobody is running around like a headless hen.

Whether he sleeps in or shuts himself away, it's important for the sake of everyone's sanity to keep him from causing stress in the mornings. He should be forbidden from sticking his beak in and ordered out if he puts in an appearance. Tell him you have everything under control and to butt out, in no uncertain terms.

The handing over the baton arrangement is daft.

And how does your husband respond to you when you tell him to leave you to it, in the moment?

Because honestly I'd have got a bit cross, and either told him to butt out completely or given him the car keys and told him to do the lot.

They can put their own shoes on and get in the car at the right time - doesn’t need any parental supervision.

Except all OP is doing is getting their shoes on and getting them in the car which apparently takes her 15 minutes he's doing everything else!

Aaaaargh dp does this. He used to do the school run but now I do due to changes in our work schedule but he cannot help interfering. I leave too early (i prefer to allow 5 mins breathing space) so when I'm chivvying dc he says 'it's OK, you don't HAVE to leave so early' and also constantly tells me where he used to park, and also tries to get me to drop our older DC off when they cba to walk whereas I think the walk is good for them. He is apologetic but can't help feeling his way of doing things is better. I have no answers, it's one of the few things we argue about, but you are not alone!

Im fairly sure your child is flustered because there isn't an established routine.

My 7 year old has breakfast, gets dressed, brushes his teeth - the exact same routine every morning. It's only 3 things. He easily knows what comes next and doesn't need any support. He's probably done it this way for 2 years.

My 12 year old gets up to his own alarm, gets dressed, brushed teeth and goes to catch his bus. He has breakfast at school.

I definitely think your morning sound overly stressful and complicated. Your children need routine and responsibility. Take the guesswork out of it then noone can feel flustered.

Goodness it all sounds rather complicated. I’ve 7 children myself. At one point 5 were 4yrs and under including twins and school mornings were never that complicated.

i do agree though, it was much easier on the days hubby wasn’t home interfering 🙈😂. Sometimes two many hands makes life a little harder.

Pack ups done the night but most importantly you need to get those kids to be more self reliant. They should be able to grab there lunches, and everything they need on there own without being micromanaged. And you know what if they forget something, let them, don’t go back for it, they will soon remember in the future. They are old enough to be responsible for themselves. They should be old enough to grab their own breakfast, leaving you both to organise yourself with the odd parenting prompts. I plan what times things should be done and prompt them as and when ‘have you grabbed breakfast’ by say 0730, ‘teeth brushed’ at 0800hrs, and so on all while I’m getting sorted, doing my housework (I like to do it in mornings before setting off). I have quite a strict routine myself. But honestly the key to it is letting the kids manage themselves and let them forget things that’s on them it teaches them responsibility xx

If the TV is on at all in the mornings it completely buggers everything.

My DS has ADHD and if the TV is on, he won’t be doing anything towards getting ready. To be fair I’d be the same!

We lay everything out the night before too, because it’s too much otherwise - then neither DS or I is a morning person and it has to be really simple. DS is late primary.

Dd is 16 and does her own thing (and leaves much earlier than DS needs to) but I know she also gets everything ready the night before.

I think they are as bad as each other - the morning routine isn’t exactly complicated. Their DC’s aren’t babies.

My dh works from home sometimes, he doesn’t get involved in the morning routine unless I tell him. We seem to get in with it like a well oiled machine. If he’s there I’ll tell him what needs doing, otherwise it’s the old adage ‘too many cooks’.

I've got the opposite.. my husband will happily lie in bed listening to my kids kicking off/missing the bus/ kicking me in the stomache while trying to dress them and do exactly fuck all to help

With children that age, other than make packed lunches, I'm not sure what you are actually doing

Older primary should be getting their own breakfast, dressed, teeth and stuff ready.

So you say we leave at 8.15 , or whenever, and then everyone just gets ready and leaves at that time.

I genuinely don't understand what two parents are doing with children of this age, other than a reminder about 5 minutes before leaving to put shoes on.

I would think her husband needs to pull his finger out and grow up.

Sorry op but it does sound a bit over complicated. My husband also works from home and helps get the kids out the door/packed/in the car, shoes on etc. And I'm very happy that he does this. Struggling to see why he can't just help ?

OP how old are your kids? Why is it so complicated?! I would hate waking up to this each morning. I have a baby I have to get ready as well as my self and the older ones sort themselves out.

Night before bags packed and out, PE kids out, snacks, shoes everything!

Kids wake up to an alarm, get dressed on their own- brush own teeth. I do their hair and ties, they literally get themselves ready and shoes and coats on. They know exactly what to do each day.

breakfast- have it in bowls the night before ready. Or grab a banana and out they go!

No advice but just some sympathy, @barrymanilowspiano as my DH does a similar thing!

On the days he works in the office, I supervise DD (in Year 5) getting ready then he takes her to school (and vice versa for my days in the office). However, he sometimes checks up on how things are going when I’m supervising , or asks DD something that I’ve already asked her (have you put X in your bag/ have you brushed your teeth). She can get flustered and stressed in the mornings anyway, and the extra questions just add to that.

It’s tough, because I know that he’s trying to be helpful and make sure that it’s not just on me to remind DD that her homework is due/ she needs to return a form. I can’t complain about him taking on that bit of the ‘mental load’, can I! But it can derail the morning a little.

Sometimes I give him an update on progress if I spot him hovering so he doesn’t need to ask 😀

Any sensible person would want to be well out of the way at that point of the morning wouldn't they? Tell him he either does the school run and you stay out of the way or vice versa.

Presumably he doesn't sit at the laptop butt naked and unshowered. Even if I do

Why not get kids to pack bags straight after homework the night before then it's just lunch to add?

I thought he was working from home?

If you've both agreed that it's best for you to deal with the shoes, coats, bags on bit of it and he's standing there ordering them about I would say cheerfully 'ok, it doesn't need two of us to get them out of the door' and go and sit in the car and leave him to it.

Does he just need to get up earlier, to give himself time to get ready rather than rushing at the last minute?

I mean it's not rocket science, it sounds baffling the level of stress.