To be fed up with an education system that ignores bright but quiet kids.

I was a very quiet child who just got on with it. I used to practice things at home like maths, so it did not just come easily to me. Zero recognition. When I complained to my parents they just said life's not fair.

I think it has moved past that into a significant number of people gaming the system. 40% of private school pupils and 20% of state pupils now awarded extra time. But that's a topic for another thread!

The whole point of extra time for those with SEN is to try and make the test the same for everyone.

So sad you can't see that.

I agree with you @ButterMints
Hard working, academic children are barely noticed. I just don't understand why children like yours never get the encouragement and support to do better and enjoy their learning experience. They have just as much right to enjoy and be supported in their education as do children who struggle with it.

Yanbu, we had similar. The great news is that high schools are delighted to get bright children (high GCSEs look good for them) so tend to encourage them. We discovered a whole new world in Y7 where it was suddenly ok to talk about your child being bright (and bored) with the school.

I too used to feel sorry for my children who similarly were hard working, quiet and well behaved but rarely got the certificates or merit points that others got who were less well behaved and less hard working. However having thought it all over, it is so important for the school to encourage those who don't find these things easy
(Also it wasn't that mine never got the prizes they just got fewer and got them later in the year). My children are also now really empathetic and supportive to all.

At DD’s primary school there was a star of the week, and she used to get really annoyed that it would go to a child that had managed to behave for half a day. I’d explain to her that for that child that was an achievement. Everyone got it at some point during the year regardless.

At the end of year six they gave out some awards and she got one for hard work all through primary school and I was happy that she had been recognised for trying her best and behaving week in week out.

I think the fact everyone got a turn is a good thing especially at primary. Now she’s at high school they do a class charts point’s system which is fair, they get positives for good behaviour and various other things and negative for poor behaviour and various other things.

Presumably that girls and women are emotional support things for boys/men?

This was going on when I was in school - the awards always seemed to go to boys who spent the majority of their school life thumping the life out of the girls, never doing their homework, and talking in the classroom. It became obvious to me at a really early age that all that happened if I got on quietly and did well was that I'd be paired with one of said boys and asked to essentially teach him, because the teacher was busy with one of the others.

I've done alright for myself despite a very difficult childhood - I learned how to diligently work on something without receiving any notice or praise, but that doesn't mean it was a particularly pleasant experience. I dread to think what lesson all those boys learned.

I was a quiet, clever child and grew up in the age of being awarded for achievement, rather than participation or effort. I was always so proud whenever I got a certificate, star of the week etc.
That being said I was never athletic so I was never rewarded on sports day, during cross country, or PE. That was just something I learnt to deal with - even if I tried really hard, I just wasn't particularly good at sports. I didn't expect a reward when someone else performed better, even if I sometimes was a bit jealous/upset when friends got a certificate and I didn't.

I dont actually think experiencing that disappointment and learning to accept strengths v weaknesses is a bad thing? Not everyone can be athletic/academic/artistic/a good performer - whatever it is. It is prep for how things are as an adult in that you can't be, and don't have to be, good at everything.

There are a lot of rewards for participation these days and I think it actually takes away from the kids who have worked hard, or are gifted - they deserve to be celebrated and rewarding everyone means there's no distinction. Paying little attention to the smarter kids because they just 'get on with it' is unfair, and leaves them demotivated.

It's just crap all round. I don't envy the teachers though - lot of budget cuts and tough calls.

I spent part of my school years abroad.

Each year we had to pass end of year exams before being allowed to "go up". As a result there was a range of ages in each class. I remember being 7 with an 11 year old classmate ( who was only in the younger class because she was Japanese and only spoke excellent but not quite fluent English). Mostly it was only a year or two discrepancy

This is very true.

Sadly I taught at private schools. The grass isn’t greener for this. Some private schools do better with students who are naturally academic and others do better with students who are not naturally academic. Knowing which your child is and what the school is good at makes a difference.

State education systems do not really cater for individual children - they haven't got the resources to do so. The point of state education systems is to attempt to ensure that all children get a minimum acceptable standard of education. An awful lot is said and written that contradicts this but it just isn't true. Children's upbringing and education is the responsibility of the parents - school is just one supplier among others of educational input.

That was one of the major reasons we sent both DC private from secondary

This isn’t always true. I’ve had students who absolutely had to work hard to get a 100% and who have since struggled as they moved to universities/places of work where they were with people who could get 100% in their sleep.
We should praise for effort not outcome but it’s hard to get it right.
My DS at five said that he’d get more praise if he was sometimes naughty and that is an issue that schools need to deal with children that are mostly good are ignored.

Thats a crappy Private school, vote with your feet.

Horrendous. One of my grandchildren has been acknowledged to be “gifted” but cannot proceed beyond the class as there’s no one who can keep up with him. He’s only in primary school so I hope his mum & dad can find a way to keep him encouraged and engaged as he gets older. At the moment he’s just reading everything he can get his hands on.

We went private from pre-prep for various reasons and we've found in terms of recognition, the end of year prizes always go to the same kids - oddly enough the kids of the super wealthy (suspect the prizes are bought rather than earned)

I think this is genuinely the case

I reviewed headteacher responses to governor questions last week. Phrases such as

'target our efforts at bottom 20% to improve attainment data'

'Class doesnt move on until whole class is secure in their understanding as need to understand concept 1 before can move to concept 2 as the learning takes a scaffolding approach' (this implies they are moving at pace of least able child)

'Children who are struggling most should get more of the teachers time as they are the most qualified person in the room, more able children's learning to be TA led'.

C-B is good academics, I agree, but not "effortlessly the best" as many people are putting it. And it's also not a direct trajectory of "worst grades - no reward" and "best grades - highest reward".

Another thing to bear in mind is that parents will also reward grades differently. I didn't get any sort of parental praise for results under an A grade.

I'm definitely not saying that effort shouldn't be rewarded (I'd certainly have liked reward for my blood-sweat-tears maths grades vs my easy-as-pie English ones...) - just saying that the blase assumption that those with the highest grades will have the best results is generally untrue.

The simplest thing is to just make sure that all kids get their sticker or certificate at some point for whatever is relevant to them at some point in the year. It's not difficult - you could prep all the certificates at the start of the year and just make sure all of them are given out at some point during the year.

My parents also very much brought their children up to be modest about their achievements and to believe in Cinderella and other fairy stories.

And some people say we choose Private "to avoid the plebs"

No, she was explicitly told, after her classroom session, to focus on delivery that the lowest abilities in the class could engage in and she could see how disengaged the other students became when she did that in subsequent sessions. The issue shocked us and we wondered if it was because the behaviour ramped up when this group, in this classroom, were not kept fully engaged (a very challenging year group by all accounts) and that the other children just got on with it! We all work in the sector, she is very clear what she was dressed down about and told, in no uncertain terms, to change her approach in the classroom. I am not saying it happens in all and I've been a governor in a variety of schools, but it certainly happened in the one she was placed within.

YANBU. this is exactly why we stretched ourselves to move to the private sector.