How to hint not to bring kids to wedding

You’re having 3 bridesmaids then. Just because they’re young enough to be titled flower girls they’re still bridesmaids.

3 is a lot for a “small” wedding.

from the sound of it there will be a lot of children there. The bridesmaids/flower girls, family, etc.

if you tell them it’s family only or child free or no space for children or whatever excuse, they’re going to turn up, see 12 children running around, and think you lied because you didn’t want their children there.

12 children is over 1/3 of your guest list of 35z. That is not no children to keep numbers down.

Just put on your invites something like “Unfortunately due to limited numbers relatives children to attend only, thanks for your understanding”.

Honestly I think you should call the people involved and explain, this sounds ripe for miscommunication and upset.

Could these children go to your DSis's house (their best friends) while all the parents go for a meal. Help organise a babysitter for them all.

It sounds like your DSis would rather not bring her kids, you'd rather best mans kids don't come and the kids will probably have more fun watching a film together than out for a meal.

I think DSis's SD should be invited though. You might want to think less about the perfect guests for one meal and more about the consequences.

But mean?

Personally, you either have to have a child free wedding or not, can't really invite some children and not others. This will really upset people.

except maybe when the dad is the best man?

It's not as if not having kids at a wedding will come as a surprise to anyone but don't just hint because that causes confusion.

I think I’d try to accommodate 5 extras really OP - it’s not a child free wedding!
You’ll probably find a couple of your guests can’t make it anyway…

How old is the stepdaughter?

I have young kids and just take it as whoever’s name is on the invite is who’s invited so if they aren’t on there I can’t take them

Just put their names on the invite or if you're just messaging say we'd love for you and x to join us. I wouldn't be offended at all. I much preferred a wedding without my kids when they were younger unless it was close family and they were invited, which was also nice but entirely the couples decision.

I think it's rude and would be looking for a venue that could accommodate 40.

It isn’t a child free wedding, you just don’t want certain children there and it will be glaringly obvious to the guests.

Not inviting your sisters SD is really bad form.

So, there are 5 people that you don’t want to invite - the Best man’s 3 children, your Nephew’s girlfriend and your sister’s stepdaughter. So it’s not a ‘child free’ wedding. I assume the GF isn't a child? Also, you’ve not stuck to only having family’s children if you’re not inviting the SD of your DS.
I would invite all of them TBH, or at least the SD - excluding her is awful!

I think you have to be careful with a step daughter. It’s ok to leave her out if you are not inviting her step siblings. But you CANT invite some children from the same family and leave one out because they are not a “ blood relative “.

I think it would be weird to exclude kids in those circumstances, where all the children are close. Even weirder to exclude them as the best mans children. I also would not exclude your sisters DSD, that's a bit mean.
Be prepared for them to think it's odd when they get there and find only their kids were excluded.

Given you're inviting other non-family children (the godchildren) and they're the best man's kids, I'd just invite them tbh. But family children only is absolutely fine (do you need to invite the godchildren?), so if that's what you decide on you're grand. The bluntness of communicating that man to man might do no harm! Especially if it's DH who doesn't want to invite them, let him do his own dirty work.

I'd invite the stepdaughter. Not worth the fall out there, she is family even if you don't really know her and she's definitely your sister's family.

I think you should invite the best man's children especially when they're friends with some of your family's children. It would be different if the couple weren't your fiance's close friends.

Truthfully, I think it's absolutely shit to exclude ONE couple's children and your sister's SD.
But, it's your wedding, so you can go ahead and be cunty.

I’d just ask them.

My friend politely phoned and said I’m sorry but we’re short on numbers and family children only etc etc. I am lucky to have my parents available and willing to babysit and I have absolutely no desire to take my kids to a friend’s wedding. Neither me nor my kids would enjoy the process. She was incredibly relieved when I said oh no I wouldn’t want to bring them anyway and I’m not remotely offended by them not actually being invited. (Not everyone will react this way though - so best to just ask them to get the lay of the land)

Stepdaughter is different and for the sake of family harmony I would definitely invite her. She may not want to attend anyway.

It’s really not tricky. It’s family children only. Lots of weddings are like that and yes it can extend to the best man’s children. My DH is a very popular man and has been a best man 4 times. I’m always happy to throw myself into the role of Best Man’s wife and lead the drinking and dancing without the DC.

Well for a small wedding you are going to manage to piss off a load of people - children invited/not invited, sister somehow fuming because she HAS to brings her kids (does she not think her parents should be attending the wedding in order to provide her babysitting?!), not inviting a teenage step-daughter - you've got it all going on!