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Original poster

To be worried about stains on my boyfriend’s sofa

84 replies

DemiSec9 · 27/11/2024 06:14

I spotted a v bright pink sticky stain (bubble gum colour and thick) on my bf’s sofa. I asked him about it and he said he had no idea what it was. He’s renting and the sofa doesn’t belong to him but I feel sure I would have noticed it if it’d been there from when he moved in?

He cleaned it off a few weeks ago but when I went back today, there’s a similar texture and shape black stain in exactly the same place! I’ll photograph this one, wish I had done the last one.

I’ve been seeing him for 6 months. We both have kids in their early 20s and are separated. We live in separate flats to each other. He has a history of cheating which he speaks openly about. I have never cheated but I have been cheated on many times and I’m beginning to worry.

OP posts:
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Zocola · 29/11/2024 10:20

Sounds like all of the (bubble gum) wasn't removed, and has just become dirty leaving a black blob.

ChristmasFluff · 29/11/2024 08:18

Look, you keep being cheated on because you are choosing cheaters.

You can tell if he has really 'reformed' from how he talks about his cheating. The fact he is using 'reasons' to excuse it means he isn't changed.

I am a reformed cheater. When the 'have you ever cheated' conversation comes up, I tak about how yes, I did, in the 1990s. I also talk about how I saw the devastation it caused to my then-boyfriend, and it made me realise what a piece of shit I was to do that to someone. I vowed there and then to never cheat again.

But that's not how your bf talks about his cheating, is it, OP?

The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour.

AgentJohnson · 29/11/2024 05:50

He has a history of cheating which he speaks openly about. I have never cheated but I have been cheated on many times.

Why would you do this to yourself, as you you are now experiencing, waiting for the other shoe to drop is no life.

TruthThatsHardAsSteel · 29/11/2024 05:35

If you're relying on people online to give you hope that he can change... That says quite a lot.

Kindly this is not healthy and I'm sure you deserve the very best. Go get it

betterangels · 29/11/2024 04:37

Go take a look in the mirror. Tell yourself that you're taking photographs of stains on a sofa and asked strangers for their opinions on whether your boyfriend is cheating. Think about that

Definitely this. What's the point of staying?

Ladyj84 · 29/11/2024 04:28

All I'm seeing right now is an woman with serious problems, strange behaviours etc you need help!

NigelAdjacent · 29/11/2024 04:23

Sorry, but none of this sounds remotely healthy. Checking his phone while he’s in the bathroom and analysing the colour of stray pubes?

Get him dumped and get yourself some therapy. This will eat you alive and he’ll most likely cheat anyway.

Codlingmoths · 29/11/2024 03:44

I can assure you that if the first stain were a lump of lipstick ground in it would still be there now, and a year from now. That stuff is seriously pigmented, just ask my 2yo. It’s never ever coming out of my carpets .

Original poster
DemiSec9 · 29/11/2024 03:09

I’ve already done pube analysis! He’s entirely bald-headed and I have black Afro hair so any straight light-coloured hair triggers my mind.

I’ve tried countless times to look at his phone whilst he’s asleep or in the shower.

I’ve never met his ds (20) but he’s met my dd (22). This bothers me. He says it’s because his ds finds it too weird seeing him with another woman.

OP posts:
RedRoss86 · 28/11/2024 20:41

Next thing you know, you'll be analysing pubes on the toilet seat to see if they are the same shade as his... 🤣

Pippinsdiary · 28/11/2024 19:11

DemiSec9 · 27/11/2024 10:37

The pink stain looked like a glob of lipstick - you know if a pinhead sized lump broke off then was ground into fabric? It was bright pink.

He doesn’t have female relatives who visit, just a grown up son.

Sending a pic of the new black marks which could easily be a leaked pen but it’s weird that it’s so close to where the other stain was.

That could literally be anything. I think the bigger issue is you don’t trust him and it looks like you’re looking for an issue

Tulip2478 · 28/11/2024 18:11

Sorry but this relationship isn't going to work. His history of cheating obviously unnerves you. If it's not a stain on the sofa, it will be something else soon.

Plastictrees · 28/11/2024 12:17

If you keep noticing this pattern it could be worth investing in some therapy to break the cycle and understand why this keeps happening. Without insight and knowledge, life repeats!

Original poster
DemiSec9 · 28/11/2024 12:09

It’s bizarre - I’m an intelligent mature woman, I’ve been a working single mum for most of my daughter’s life. But I keep getting caught up with cheating men. I know there’s no ‘saving’ them and if I was advising a friend I’d say everything you’re all saying here. But I get this blind spot where I keep wanting to believe the best?

I’m really cross with myself, embarrassed and also sad. Outside of the history of cheating, this guy is so nice - generous, loving, funny, it’s definitely not all about sex - we’re both a bit older now and spend most of our time together going for walks, cooking and watching movies.

but you can’t escape the past.

OP posts:
lightsandtunnels · 28/11/2024 09:33

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 27/11/2024 20:54

Have you actually read the OP? She says:

"He has a history of cheating which he speaks openly about."

It's not that big a leap, given the context.

Show quote history

Of course I read the OPs post and am on their side! I just think that the stains are such a random thing to see and assume it means he is cheating.

If the OP is that worried about him cheating and automatically sees something so innocuous as a stain on the sofa and assume that's a cheating sign, then clearly there is a lot more going on. He doesn't sound like DP material to me!

ATastingMenuButItsAllCrisps · 28/11/2024 09:26

DemiSec9 · 28/11/2024 03:26

He works as a writer and producer with a small but very successful company.

I had some huge conversations with him today. He knows he’s been an asshole in the past (there is reason relating to his ex - she also cheated, probably more prolifically). He seems to really want to change.

I can hear how it sounds, really I can. I might be the biggest idiot yet and I’ve been an idiot many times. I really like him though.

has anybody known a man who cheats to change?

Choosing to date some man on the basis of 'I can fix him!' is just degrading yourself and signing up to be treated badly.

You should work on yourself and your standards so specimens like this aren't even on your radar. He's a liar and a cheat who openly says whatever women want to hear, so he can have sex. Don't fall for such a clear scam.

IsawwhatIsaw · 28/11/2024 09:08

It doesn’t matter what this stain is. You say he has a history of cheating, so he can’t be trusted anyway.

ZippyDoodle · 28/11/2024 09:02

Deary me!

What's he doing to help himself or is it just what he is telling you?

oakleaffy · 28/11/2024 04:51

DemiSec9 · 28/11/2024 03:26

He works as a writer and producer with a small but very successful company.

I had some huge conversations with him today. He knows he’s been an asshole in the past (there is reason relating to his ex - she also cheated, probably more prolifically). He seems to really want to change.

I can hear how it sounds, really I can. I might be the biggest idiot yet and I’ve been an idiot many times. I really like him though.

has anybody known a man who cheats to change?

In a word?

Stop Motion No GIF by Mouse
HideousKinky · 28/11/2024 04:17

IkeaMeatballGravy · 27/11/2024 12:04

Life is too short to be staring at random stains on your boyfriend's sofa (and taking pictures!)

If you don't trust him, dump him!

In a nutshell!

Original poster
DemiSec9 · 28/11/2024 03:26

He works as a writer and producer with a small but very successful company.

I had some huge conversations with him today. He knows he’s been an asshole in the past (there is reason relating to his ex - she also cheated, probably more prolifically). He seems to really want to change.

I can hear how it sounds, really I can. I might be the biggest idiot yet and I’ve been an idiot many times. I really like him though.

has anybody known a man who cheats to change?

OP posts:
TheTigerWhoCameToEatMyArsehole · 27/11/2024 22:16

What does he do for work ? Clean job or dirty job ?

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 27/11/2024 20:54

lightsandtunnels · 27/11/2024 20:25

I think it's wild to connect marks on your bfs sofa and him cheating!

I probably wouldn't even notice the stains and would never consider it to be a sign of someone cheating.

I agree with pps if you don't trust him, then he's not the man for you.

Have you actually read the OP? She says:

"He has a history of cheating which he speaks openly about."

It's not that big a leap, given the context.

lightsandtunnels · 27/11/2024 20:25

I think it's wild to connect marks on your bfs sofa and him cheating!

I probably wouldn't even notice the stains and would never consider it to be a sign of someone cheating.

I agree with pps if you don't trust him, then he's not the man for you.

ThianWinter · 27/11/2024 20:22

Throw this one back, straighten your shoulders and rebuild your self-respect. Whether he's cheating or not, this relationship is going nowhere, not with this level of mistrust.