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Caused a scene in a cafe today. Now wondering if we were unreasonable

744 replies

pennytoffees · 26/11/2024 21:20

I'll start off by saying I'm welsh, born and bred and speak the language as does my entire family.

We visited (my mother and I) a local cafe today and had such an awful experience. We haven't been there in years but don't remember it being that bad. We don't sound welsh and spoke to them in English so they obviously assumed that we were tourists. They were very cold towards us.

Anyway, we placed our order and another staff member brought the food over to us. We asked for some sauces to which she replied "go and ask her" and then pointed to the woman at the till. There was a queue and we didn't want the food to go cold so asked her if she could get us some. She gave me a filthy look but reluctantly handed them over. I just want to add that at no point did she say that the sauces cost extra so we just presumed that they were free like most cafes/restaurants. It turns out that they weren't (to be honest I think it's pretty greedy charging customers for sachets of sauce when they've spent £14 on a meal and I don't know any other local businesses that do it but thats another argument). We would have paid with no issues had she explained that to us.

The main issue is that she came over to a couple sat behind us and started talking about us in Welsh thinking that we didn't understand. Funnily enough they asked for some sauces and she gave them for free but when we asked it was an issue. The only difference is they were clearly locals. At this point we'd had enough so I asked to speak with the manager and she asked me "why, is there a problem?". I said "yes but I'm not discussing it with you". Anyway, he came over and I explained what had happened. She was on the other side of the counter and came over and said "I'm sorry, I wasn't talking about you". She wasn't close enough to hear us talking so obviously knew what she had done wrong and was just trying to cover her tracks.

He apologised and we left it at that, didn't even finish our food as we felt so uncomfortable. To be honest I don't think he knew what to do but after reading the reviews online, it's clearly a regular occurrence and he doesn't care how his staff behaves or treats customers. It was embarrassing as everyone was looking at us. We don't like confrontation or causing trouble but felt we had to confront her. I believe we would have been treated differently had they known we were welsh. I was actually embarrassed to be welsh to be honest. They forget it's the tourists keeping them in business.

AIBU? Would you have confronted her or just walked away?

OP posts:
Frozensnow · 28/11/2024 08:22

YDBear · 28/11/2024 08:01

They were treated differently and negatively because they spoke English. It’s not about sauce, it’s about ethnic prejudice. And the only definition of a hate incident is that the victim feels that it happened.

It’s a Welsh lady saying to another Welsh lady ‘they thought the sauce was free’ in Welsh.

LostTheMarble · 28/11/2024 08:17

YDBear · 28/11/2024 08:08

Suppose only Black people had to pay for sauce?

But the op is Welsh and was expected to pay for sauces, what’s your point?

WomanFromTheNorth · 28/11/2024 08:16

YDBear · 28/11/2024 08:06

You don’t think treating people differently according to perceived ethic origin is a big deal? Imagine if only people of a different colour had to pay for sauce.

They are not a different ethnic origin though. They are both white British. So it's not racist. And racism isn't that simple anyway. It's about the balance of power historically and currently.

Cosyblankets · 28/11/2024 08:16

YDBear · 28/11/2024 08:06

You don’t think treating people differently according to perceived ethic origin is a big deal? Imagine if only people of a different colour had to pay for sauce.

But we don't actually know that they didn't pay. They might have paid and forgot to pick them up. OP would have to have been watching very carefully to know what actually happened

LostTheMarble · 28/11/2024 08:15

YDBear · 28/11/2024 08:01

They were treated differently and negatively because they spoke English. It’s not about sauce, it’s about ethnic prejudice. And the only definition of a hate incident is that the victim feels that it happened.

I would so love to see that police report. ‘It was reported that a woman and her mother asked for sauces and were told to get them from the till. The woman and her mother continued to ask the waitress for the condiments until the waitress gave in, despite there being an extra cost. Waitress then muttered irritation to known customers about the woman and her mother. The CPS suggests a minimum 20 year sentence for this heinous crime.’.

Wellingtonspie · 28/11/2024 08:14

A hate crime for saying “those people thought the sauces where free” in their own language.

boggling.

Now if they had said something about her being a English knob head or something just for daring to enter you might be on to something but they wanted free sauce in Welsh in wales not so much 🤣

KimberleyClark · 28/11/2024 08:12

YDBear · 28/11/2024 08:01

They were treated differently and negatively because they spoke English. It’s not about sauce, it’s about ethnic prejudice. And the only definition of a hate incident is that the victim feels that it happened.

If you were in France and a French person said something about you in French that you happened to understand, would you report that to the French police as a hate crime?

YDBear · 28/11/2024 08:08

JubileeJuice · 28/11/2024 08:02

Get a massive grip.

Suppose only Black people had to pay for sauce?

YDBear · 28/11/2024 08:06

Cosyblankets · 28/11/2024 07:56

I'm trying to work out if you're serious

You don’t think treating people differently according to perceived ethic origin is a big deal? Imagine if only people of a different colour had to pay for sauce.

JubileeJuice · 28/11/2024 08:02

YDBear · 28/11/2024 08:01

They were treated differently and negatively because they spoke English. It’s not about sauce, it’s about ethnic prejudice. And the only definition of a hate incident is that the victim feels that it happened.

Get a massive grip.

YDBear · 28/11/2024 08:01

Frozensnow · 28/11/2024 07:53

it would be very interesting to see the response of the police to ‘they thought the sauce was free’ being said in Welsh reported to them

Edited

They were treated differently and negatively because they spoke English. It’s not about sauce, it’s about ethnic prejudice. And the only definition of a hate incident is that the victim feels that it happened.

Cosyblankets · 28/11/2024 07:56

YDBear · 28/11/2024 07:38

I would have asked the manager the name of the waitress and told him I intended to report this to the police as a hate incident. Would have been interesting to see what happened then.

I'm trying to work out if you're serious

Frozensnow · 28/11/2024 07:53

YDBear · 28/11/2024 07:38

I would have asked the manager the name of the waitress and told him I intended to report this to the police as a hate incident. Would have been interesting to see what happened then.

it would be very interesting to see the response of the police to ‘they thought the sauce was free’ being said in Welsh reported to them

YDBear · 28/11/2024 07:38

I would have asked the manager the name of the waitress and told him I intended to report this to the police as a hate incident. Would have been interesting to see what happened then.

LostTheMarble · 28/11/2024 07:15

Am not British myself, my husband is English and will say have found the English very tolerant of other nationalities, such a shame that the Welsh can’t be.

Funny, not the Welsh who are in the news for race riots, the Welsh didn’t vote in Reform MPs, not the Welsh who verbally attack their young black football players if crucial penalties are missed, @Straycats . Tolerant to a very small point I’d say.

KimberleyClark · 28/11/2024 06:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

So you went to one wedding in one part of Wales and you’ve written off an entire nation?

As pp said perhaps the problem is with you.

JubileeJuice · 28/11/2024 05:26

Antsy123 · 27/11/2024 21:02

No i don’t understand why the Welsh don’t like English people today based on 1000s of years of history that has nothing to do with any English people alive today. The actions of my ancestors are not my fault and it’s unacceptable and xenophobic for anyone to dislike a whole group of people based on what their ancestors did.

What? Nothing to do with English people alive today? I can assure you that there are Welsh people alive today who remember the use of the Welsh Not, particularly in Carmarthenshire and Pembrokeshire (which incidentally is where the rudest, most entitled people I've ever encountered come from a particular area to retire).

The effects of the eradication of our language and culture are very prominent today. As many of the comments on this thread prove.

JubileeJuice · 28/11/2024 05:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Just wow. Perhaps if you were treated so badly by everyone you came across, the issue is not with everyone else, but with you.

Straycats · 28/11/2024 05:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LostTheMarble · 27/11/2024 23:05

DaNiYmaOHyd · 27/11/2024 22:58

some places they visited that were slightly more off the beaten track switched from speaking English to Welsh when they walked in.

This is what we do. We learn Welsh but never ever speak it until we see any non-Welsh speakers. Then we talk about them so they can't understand.

We don't live our daily lives speaking Welsh, watch Welsh telly, read Welsh books and websites, etc. The language has been kept alive solely to piss off the English.

France is just the same. They all speak English until they clock that you're not French. Spanish, German, Portuguese, Poles, Finns, they're all at it.

** I am joking.

Edited

You’re going to be in big trouble at the next ‘Troll the English’ top secret international meeting for sharing that!

DaNiYmaOHyd · 27/11/2024 22:58

some places they visited that were slightly more off the beaten track switched from speaking English to Welsh when they walked in.

This is what we do. We learn Welsh but never ever speak it until we see any non-Welsh speakers. Then we talk about them so they can't understand.

We don't live our daily lives speaking Welsh, watch Welsh telly, read Welsh books and websites, etc. The language has been kept alive solely to piss off the English.

France is just the same. They all speak English until they clock that you're not French. Spanish, German, Portuguese, Poles, Finns, they're all at it.

** I am joking.

cosmos1001 · 27/11/2024 22:38

Antsy123 · 27/11/2024 22:31

That doesn’t mean it’s acceptable.

Don't think i said it was acceptable ?

Antsy123 · 27/11/2024 22:31

cosmos1001 · 27/11/2024 22:16

like many people in this post have done - with one waitress and some flipping hp sauce !

That doesn’t mean it’s acceptable.

Dontshootthemessengers · 27/11/2024 22:18

You’re not the arsehole and and that’s not a scene! Make sure you write a bilingual review

cosmos1001 · 27/11/2024 22:16

Antsy123 · 27/11/2024 22:10

So now you are saying it’s acceptable to dislike an entire nation of people based on the attitudes of some of them?

like many people in this post have done - with one waitress and some flipping hp sauce !

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