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AIBU?

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Caused a scene in a cafe today. Now wondering if we were unreasonable

744 replies

pennytoffees · 26/11/2024 21:20

I'll start off by saying I'm welsh, born and bred and speak the language as does my entire family.

We visited (my mother and I) a local cafe today and had such an awful experience. We haven't been there in years but don't remember it being that bad. We don't sound welsh and spoke to them in English so they obviously assumed that we were tourists. They were very cold towards us.

Anyway, we placed our order and another staff member brought the food over to us. We asked for some sauces to which she replied "go and ask her" and then pointed to the woman at the till. There was a queue and we didn't want the food to go cold so asked her if she could get us some. She gave me a filthy look but reluctantly handed them over. I just want to add that at no point did she say that the sauces cost extra so we just presumed that they were free like most cafes/restaurants. It turns out that they weren't (to be honest I think it's pretty greedy charging customers for sachets of sauce when they've spent £14 on a meal and I don't know any other local businesses that do it but thats another argument). We would have paid with no issues had she explained that to us.

The main issue is that she came over to a couple sat behind us and started talking about us in Welsh thinking that we didn't understand. Funnily enough they asked for some sauces and she gave them for free but when we asked it was an issue. The only difference is they were clearly locals. At this point we'd had enough so I asked to speak with the manager and she asked me "why, is there a problem?". I said "yes but I'm not discussing it with you". Anyway, he came over and I explained what had happened. She was on the other side of the counter and came over and said "I'm sorry, I wasn't talking about you". She wasn't close enough to hear us talking so obviously knew what she had done wrong and was just trying to cover her tracks.

He apologised and we left it at that, didn't even finish our food as we felt so uncomfortable. To be honest I don't think he knew what to do but after reading the reviews online, it's clearly a regular occurrence and he doesn't care how his staff behaves or treats customers. It was embarrassing as everyone was looking at us. We don't like confrontation or causing trouble but felt we had to confront her. I believe we would have been treated differently had they known we were welsh. I was actually embarrassed to be welsh to be honest. They forget it's the tourists keeping them in business.

AIBU? Would you have confronted her or just walked away?

OP posts:
WomanFromTheNorth · 26/11/2024 21:56

Birdscratch · 26/11/2024 21:33

I’m from the NW of England. North Wales has always had that reputation. People switching to Welsh if an English person walks in. We just avoid it - we know when we’re not welcome! I’ve only ever driven through Wales!

They don't "switch to Welsh" - this is such an English myth 😆 They speak Welsh all the time - it's their first langauge; it's not done for your benefit. They also often speak a mixture of Welsh and English whether you are there or not. God forbid they speak their own language in their own country.
Having said that, there is often resentment towards the English. But you have to put this into context and ask yourself why.
I'm not Welsh btw.

Ebeneser · 26/11/2024 21:55

potatocakesinprogress · 26/11/2024 21:47

I don't think I've ever met a Welsh person in N Wales, they're like red squirrels. You know they probably exist but they've been taken over by the greys.

Edited

If you go to Anglesey, that's probably why. Although the Welsh speaking locals are more inland where the houses are cheaper.

Loub1987 · 26/11/2024 21:55

I find it pathetic when people think they can use a language as some kind of secret code to be mean about people. I’m Irish and have heard people (rarely to be fair), talking about others in Irish and I just think it’s sad and childish. Surely language should be to communicate, not to exclude.

NearlyXmasTime · 26/11/2024 21:54

What were they saying about you?

Letmegohome · 26/11/2024 21:54

@KimberleyClark have you missed the point of the thread .... It wasn't "I can speak Welsh but chose not to"

pennytoffees · 26/11/2024 21:53

@Birdscratch that's disappointing to hear as everyone I know (family, friends) don't behave this way. Our community, local businesses etc wouldn't survive without tourists!

OP posts:
HolyPeaches · 26/11/2024 21:53

You didn’t cause a scene at all, OP.

I can’t speak Welsh but if I could, I would have asked the same waitress in Welsh if I could speak to the manager.

When I was in younger I was in Spain, a group of women walked past me and said “choni” which is like a slang term equivalent to “chav”. I shouted back in Spanish “I can understand you” and they scurried off.

KimberleyClark · 26/11/2024 21:52

pennytoffees · 26/11/2024 21:48

@KimberleyClark why should we have to though? Isn't it our preference how we want to communicate with people?

Well, it’s nice to make the effort to speak the local language if you can isn’t it?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/11/2024 21:50

You should definitely have turned round and confronted her in Welsh! It would have been brilliant to see the look on her face.

You could be like Daenerys in Game of Thrones only without burning them alive 😂

JawsCushion · 26/11/2024 21:50

Saying this caused you to be embarrassed to be Welsh is very silly. He represents himself. Not a nationality.

Nc546888 · 26/11/2024 21:49

bytheseine · 26/11/2024 21:45

I would really love to be able to do something like this.
I really admire how you would be able to even finish your meal without hurrying.
I dream of this level of confidence.

Oh thanks! I feel like I’m blushing. I didn’t ever think I was more confident than the average person before but perhaps.
I think it’s also a stubbornness in me!!

I don’t like to cause a scene but I do hate injustices eg Im one of those mums that says to young men in BMWs that park next to me in the mother and baby spaces ‘oh I think you’ve misplaced your baby huh?!?’

Crayfishforyou · 26/11/2024 21:49

Birdscratch · 26/11/2024 21:24

North Wales?

I came on to ask the same thing! I got treated like that when I lived in north wales for not being Welsh

MrsSunshine2b · 26/11/2024 21:48

PotholesAnonymous · 26/11/2024 21:28

The English get treated with contempt by most other nationalities I find.

We're not very much liked.

You say that, but I think Anglesey in particular would take a pretty big hit without English tourists.

whatwouldyoudoifisangoutofkey · 26/11/2024 21:48

That's not a nice experience OP.
I think you did the right thing speaking to the manager.
No point tacklng the server.

pennytoffees · 26/11/2024 21:48

@KimberleyClark why should we have to though? Isn't it our preference how we want to communicate with people?

OP posts:
potatocakesinprogress · 26/11/2024 21:47

Gymmum82 · 26/11/2024 21:27

I would have either turned round and spoken to her in Welsh or started talking to my mother very loudly in Welsh so she could hear.
The scenario doesn’t surprise me though, I live very close to north wales border and the Welsh are so rude and unpleasant to the English/tourists.

I don't think I've ever met a Welsh person in N Wales, they're like red squirrels. You know they probably exist but they've been taken over by the greys.

cryinglaughing · 26/11/2024 21:46

The people from North Wales are notoriously rude and unwelcoming.
They don't even see people born in South Wales as Welsh 🤣

JudgeJ · 26/11/2024 21:46

PotholesAnonymous · 26/11/2024 21:28

The English get treated with contempt by most other nationalities I find.

We're not very much liked.

Yet if other nationalities were treated with contempt by the English purely on the basis of their nationality then the r-word would be trotted out, funny that!

bytheseine · 26/11/2024 21:45

Nc546888 · 26/11/2024 21:22

Hmmm. I think they are out of order but if it had been me and I overheard them talking about me in Welsh, I would have said very very loudly in Welsh ‘we can hear you, you know!!!’ And I wouldn’t have got managers involved etc that would have been enough for me and I would have eaten all my food and not felt pressured to leave early

I would really love to be able to do something like this.
I really admire how you would be able to even finish your meal without hurrying.
I dream of this level of confidence.

MumOfOneAllAlone · 26/11/2024 21:45

This wasn't a scene, op, but she bloody well deserved one!

TheOccupier · 26/11/2024 21:44

Frankly it doesn't sound like you caused enough of a scene. I'd have been telling that rude woman about herself (in Welsh) until I'd reduced her to tears.

Birdscratch · 26/11/2024 21:44

KimberleyClark · 26/11/2024 21:40

Yes, like they can tell people are English just by looking at them…..

Generally people speak to request service in bars or restaurants, so you can hear their accent. Mime is dying out in the food service industry.

Dreamerinme · 26/11/2024 21:41

I think I would have let her talk for a bit about you and then say something to her in Welsh and watch her face drop.

A White British friend speaks fluent Japanese as she was brought up in Japan but came to the UK as an adult to live. She told me that one day here she overheard two Japanese women slagging off British people and everything about the UK; she listened to them talk for a while and then said to them, in Japanese, that “if they really didn’t like England and it’s people then perhaps they should return to Japan.” She said they nearly died of mortification and picked up their bags and literally ran off. You never know who can speak what language.

KimberleyClark · 26/11/2024 21:40

Birdscratch · 26/11/2024 21:33

I’m from the NW of England. North Wales has always had that reputation. People switching to Welsh if an English person walks in. We just avoid it - we know when we’re not welcome! I’ve only ever driven through Wales!

Yes, like they can tell people are English just by looking at them…..

KimberleyClark · 26/11/2024 21:39

Why didn ‘t you speak to them in Welsh to start with if you are able to?

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