Request from DH

Similar situation here OP young kids and a sex pressuring husband.

I’ve sent underwear photos before VERY tame like page 3 stuff. No nudes and if someone saw them I wouldn’t curl up and die.

if my husband pushed me into sending them then I would feel ICK and definitely not. It’s the pressure here that’s the issue not the actual nudes I think

JFC has porn addled his stupid brain??

No, this is not normal, never ever do this.

FFS do women never learn? Please don't send nudes. Ever.

I remember reading distraught problem pages all through the eighties "I really loved him and we took nude polaroids, now he's shown them to his friends/threatened to show my family/left them lying around/won't give them back".

Moving swiftly on to smartphone pics "I really loved him and now he refuses to delete nude pics/has shown them to his friends/has uploaded them to a revenge porn site" and on and on and on.

I'm not saying your relationship won't make it or your partner would do anything to harm you even if it went tits up. But I absolutely do not understand why you would agree to do this if it gives you no pleasure, you are harassed to death managing toddlers while he's away (with plenty of time for a w*nk!) and he punishes you by sulking if you don't comply. If this is something you want to do and you are sure these pics are safe, secure and you would feel ok if they were accidentally revealed then knock yourself out. But it doesn't sound like you want to do it. So don't. It's your choice not his.

Definitely. It is only fun and bonding when it is 100% consensual and 100% safe. He cannot be trusted, he is not respecting your boundaries.

Do you know his friend's partner well enough to find out if they've had the same request? I wonder if they're swapping them.

Yes - my DH would seriously regret asking me for nudes. What the hell?

Never send photos that you don’t want random folk to see.

Never send nudes.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/jan/06/i-have-moments-of-shame-i-cant-control-the-lives-ruined-by-explicit-collector-culture

All those men who share them on the internet. Absolutely not.

It may be normal for some couples but things like that should only to happen because you feel like it, not because someone is pressuring you.

Different people are turned on by different things. I dated a guy that was really into pics and kept sending me them, even though I explained they don’t really do anything for me. Think he just loved sending semi naked pics of himself and got excited by that! He never got anything back because he didn’t inspire me in that way and I soon ended it.

I used to send a lot of things to my ex but that was because of how he made me feel and because I loved the idea of him seeing me that way/ he loved them. However no other man has made me feel like I want to stand there in my bra and take a snap, so I haven’t for anyone else, and I wouldn’t unless it’s something that makes me feel good.

I'm firmly in the Never Send Nudes camp
They're not sexy & you never know what might happen to them/who might see them.

it's not usual practice between couples
Making a nudes request, repeatedly, is sleezy
His behaviour is going to out you off him, not turn you on

Is he away for work or juat away? Because I'd be annoyed if he was just away when you're sayinf you don't get to spend al lot of time together.
Instead of being away he could be there with you, tidying up the house and making an effort to woo you, not just demanding pics!

Obviously nothing wrong with going away but if there's problems I would want the problems to be prioritised.

Gross
he sounds vile, will await the drip feed of him being an amazing dad or some sh!te like that

He seems to think this is a usual request all couples do

I have never taken, sent or received one!

I've been married 15years and with my husband for 20years. Neither of us have ever sent nudes or asked for them. Weird if you ask me!

Going against the grain to say I do send nudes, usually without my face and it's something I enjoy sending and recieving and turns me on, I also swap videos but always without my face.
However that does NOT mean I think you should. You are not comfortable with it and from the little you've shared sending a pic isn't going to magically fix the bigger issue here.
If you want to send one go ahead but if you don't then No. Is a full sentence.
I think it's time for a serious conversation when he's home, do you want to work to repair your relationship or do you want to walk away? Take the time whilst he's away to really think about what YOU want

I’m sorry your DH is a creepy sex pest.

What do you want to do about it? 💐

To demand nudes off your partner isn't on at all. If it happens, it should be a mutual thing.
The problem being you probably don't want a picture of his dick while you're trying to do some important work. It's like, you know what my naked body looks like? Just wank to an old picture where my hair is nicer. Lol 🤣

My DH has travelled for years and I have never once sent a nude. He has also never asked for one.

@Ducksinarow876 never heard the like of this!! dont know anyone, male or female, who as routinely expected nude pics to their partners when they are away on business! if he is away for a break with a mate, I would think he was seriously thinking of cheating while away!

He sounds like a pest who has turned you right off and is using your reactive low libido as a tool to guilt you into sending him nudes.

Tell him to fuck off.

Well in all of my 50 odd years and with a DP who regularly works away, I can hand on heart say I have never sent a nude pic of myself

I don't think this is just about the nudes, is it? It's clear that there are some pretty major problems in your sex life. He has a much higher sex drive than you do, and to be honest it sounds as if you don't really like him much (which I'm not certainly not judging you for) and you see sex in general as a chore.

Of course you shouldn't send him pictures if that's not something you're comfortable with. But the disagreement over nudes seems like just one symptom of a much bigger problem that's unlikely to be resolved.

FWIW, I don't think exchanging pics like that is something all couples do. I think it's more normal and common than the average Mumsnetter would have you believe, and I don't think it's an outlandish request, but I also don't think it's a standard thing that everyone does as a matter of course. Not that it matters, because even if everyone in the world was doing it, that still wouldn't mean you should do it, if you don't want to

FFS how old is he !!??

Show some self respect and tell him to fuck off.

You need to own up and tell him the truth.....
That you don't miss him.

No one should ever send nudes because they feel pressured to by a partner, it should only be done if consensual and in a respectful strong relationship. A partner pressuring you for anything sexual related isn't ok, he shouldn't want you to do something you don't consent too. Even if this was normal, which it's not, it still wouldn't be ok for him to pressure you like this.

All couples do?! I can honestly say my DH has never requested this when he has been away and understands that evenings I'm either sorting the kids, house or knackered when he's away!

He's being a prize one there!