To refuse to host BIL, his family and untrained dog!

Sounds like BIL is a proper dopey dog owner who thinks people being intolerant of his dog's (bad) behaviour is a you problem. People like him give dog ownership a bad name.

They only live an hour away, surely they can just come and visit and then go back home? Give the dog a good walk before they go and it should be fine for a good while.

We could never take our dog anywhere because he used to bark all the time. He didn't try and bite anyone or eat people's pets but he was a complete pain in the arse outside of his own house. So that meant we never went anywhere. If you have a pet you have to be responsible for it yourself, not foist it and it's unfortunate quirks on other people.

Not reasonable to assume if someone ownes a dog any dog is welcome. Maybe a dog that also likes kittens and ducks would be but not a big dog with high prey drive. Are you honestly saying dog owners have to accept any dog visiting?

OMG WTF! No way. As a dog lover YANBU.

Totally agree that dog shouldn't come to yours but be aware, you are unlikely to get a kennels for xmas at such short notice unless you have a long term relationship with them.

tbh I would take this opportunity to say 'actually we've hosted for the last 17 years, and it's getting to be too much with the kids getting older, needing more room and eating more. Not to mention the pets! Plus I think we deserve a break after this long! So let's take this opportunity to rethink Christmases going forward, as we would prefer to have a more chill family one. Let's just both do our own thing from now on and organise a meet up at a pub sometime in twixtmas. PIL you are welcome to come here on Christmas Day if you want, or go to BILs, or stay at home, or alternate each year, entirely up to you.'

That way PIL can make their own decision about whether they want to visit you or BIL so he can blame them not you.

You're already the bad guy, unless you actually like doing the big hosting thing then take advantage and get something you want out of it! (also your DH needs to grown a pair).

you have found a solution. Dog does not come.

Originally I thought yanbu but then read you have your own dog so can see the waters are a bit muddied and why might be family conflict. We have no dogs on the property rule that all visitors know about so never any grey areas about types/temperaments of dogs. I wouldn’t want to be around dogs of any kind when relaxing with children and food at Xmas.

tell your DH to grow a pair!

Jesus christ. I think this is the watershed moment OP. BIL sounds awful and quite frightening. No one in their right mind would want a dog that kills other animals. And to think of bringing that dog into someone's home. Speechless.

Unfortunately you have a DH problem here more than anything else.

This will be the year that causes a rift for decades. I'd accept that joyfully tbh, whichever way this goes you will be painted as the bad guy. So you may as well get what you want out of it iyswim. Good luck.

@twogreentrees can I ask what BIL has done to try and correct the behaviour of his dog? There's a few trainers out there who can help with former street dogs and muzzling will keep other animals safe.

Yanbu. Wrong to assume a well trained, small dog could come and stay without checking.

Irresponsible to even consider bringing a dog with high prey drive to a home with small pets.

Good for you - remind DH that it would put a real downer on Christmas if your kittens and / or ducks were killed by their out of control mutt. It's your home, and if you're not happy, it doesn't come, I'm afraid.

mumsnet stands with you @twogreentrees .

A dog with a high prey drive will know there are kittens upstairs and will do everything to get them.

Yes! Or if they want to stay a bit longer couldn't they have a neighbour or friend pop in to see to the dog?

I have a difficult dog. She's not 'untrained' per se but she has a high prey drive and hates other dogs. I only let her off in specific circumstances.

If this were me, and I wanted to stay over somewhere due to distance, wanting to drink alcohol, transport or any other reason, I'd try to arrange a friend to stop over with the dog. Do they have anyone who could do that? Although obviously not your problem to sort out.

Having my dog around ducks/cats would stress ME out, nevermind the hosts as I'd have to watch the situation constantly and I'd hate to stress other animals (which a predator in the house can do, as illustrated by a PP, even if nothing untoward happens).

If it's killed lots of other animals I doubt they can/will keep it under control by the sounds of it.

It's their issue to solve and not yours.

Are they expecting to stay with you for the 2 days with the dog, or have they realised that would be bonkers and the expectation is to come for Christmas lunch?

If there was a possibility of eg dog staying in a crate for 3 hour meal while other pets were able to be kept safe, and had BIL asked us to consider that option, then I might.

Otherwise I think they need to leave the dog at home and beg a friend or neighbour to walk it and they just come for lunch.

Or they need to host.

Or they spend Christmas with their new rescue pet and accept that is the consequence of their actions.

An untrained and unpredictable dog in a new situation ( your house with lots of people about) is a disaster waiting to happen. A bite incident is highly likely to happen.
A suspicious part of me thinks the dog would be rejected for kennels and BIL knows this.

I'd be telling my husband he could go to bil and sil for Christmas if he's so desperate to spend it with them! You get a dog and that comes with responsibility, and sometimes that means you can't go everywhere you want to- tough.

Sounds crazy, my dog would kill cats and ducks in a heartbeat. Not in a million years would I take him somewhere where there are so many targets, so strange that BIL can’t see this.

What is your husband’s angle here? trying to keep his brother sweet. It sounds batty to me.