To refuse to host BIL, his family and untrained dog!

Your pets are members of your family. And it's THEIR home. They get priority over an out of control dog.

OP don’t entertain it. There will inevitably be a tragedy if you do, and they’ll find some way to blame you for it. If they’re nagging your DH why is he engaging with it ? He’s a grown man and he should know what the risks are. It will make the Christmas period stressful for all and he should have your back and end the discussion. And why is it unacceptable for them to put their dog in kennels but to expect you to do so with your own dog. Just no. End of.

No one in their right mind would want a dog that kills other animals

Of course they would. For a start every sighthound out there (probably with a few exceptions) will kill small furry animals if given the chance, it doesn’t make them dangerous or in any way a poor choice of pet but clearly you have to manage them more than a dog with no prey drive.

Oops, don't know what happened to the quote but this was in response to Apollo365

You'd think, wouldn't you?

I'm in France and the govt clamped down on bringing dogs in from Romania but now they seem to be coming from Ukraine. A local woman who runs a 'charity' rehoming dogs has an endless supply of Ukrainian puppies which she punts rehomes for 250 euros a pop.

Even if you lock your kittens away for the duration of their stay, the dog will be desperate to get to them and could easily destroy your house in the process ... but also, the sounds of an angry dog outside a door will be an extremely stressful situation for your kittens and is not fair on them at all.

You are doing the right thing OP ... stand firm and give your wet lettuce DH a kick up the arse to remind him of his priorities.

They’ve got time to find a dog sitter-there’s loads around.

Cancel Christmas entirely. Tell DH he needs to get on Amazon and order himself a bloody backbone. I suspect it’s more than just the dog that needs socializing and training - that whole family needs some very clear boundaries.

You are not unreasonable. If they come to you they can make arrangements for the dog which would probably be kennels as the dog sounds a bit much for a dog walker. I'm sure they can afford it and though I know nobody wants to do that with their pet, needs sometimes must and it won't be for long.

They also need to take their dog to dog training classes in the new year.

If they won't leave the dog, tell them they have to spend Christmas at home. I doubt very much anyone else would want them at theirs.

Do be firm, you have to put your own pets first, it's their home.

Ridiculous! What is wrong with your DH?!?!

I'd use this as a reason to stop hosting.
BIL can go to his parents and you have a nice quiet Christmas at home.

If your BIL is upset that his children won't see their grandparents the solution is for him to drive, or take the train, and take his children to see their grandparents.

How dare they get miffed when you have hosted them for the past 17 years? What an ungrateful jackass.

As a side note, what is the rescuing from overseas thing about? Don’t we have enough dogs in need of homes in the UK?

The fact OP has a dog (and other small animals) doesn’t muddy the waters at all - it makes it even clearer that another large dog, especially one with a high prey drive, would be a really terrible idea.

I have a large dog myself and would never assume it’d be ok to take her to anyone else’s house - and she’s a well-behaved one. Stand firm OP, your husband needs to find his backbone here.

Honestly your BIL and SIL are pieces of shit . I’d permanently univite them and their rabid stray from Christmas and any other gathering at your place . Your pets have a right to be safe in their home. Uninvited them , that’s all . Don’t stress anymore about it

yes it is a part of the family...at least mine were and that means it has the right not to be stressed out by taking it somewhere strange where it will be surrounded by triggering sights and smells and have to spend the day on a lead.

Absolutely this.

My SIL adopted a dog from Romania - it's a big dog, untrained and reactive. Came as quite the surprise to her when I told her she absolutely could not bring the dog with her to stay - we have cats and chickens. Plus I'm just not up for having someone else's dog in my house. She refuses to consider kennels so she can't come to stay (pre dog she was a regular). Oh well.

How stupid is this, put your dog in kennels because we won’t?
Your family will be traumatised when the dog kills a poor kitten in its own home.
Don’t we have enough homeless animals in the uk already with cost of living crisis? My own cat was a stray who had been on the streets for two years and he was obviously a pet cat who had been abandoned.We have no need to import strays when we cannot solve our own animal problems.

Apologies I see they live 3 hours away. They should have thought about things like this when they got the dog. Dogs are great but they are a tie and sometimes restrict what you can do. You definitely aren't being unreasonable OP.

The weird thing is that he wants you to consider his dog as an equal member of his family but doesn't want you to consider the same status for your own pets as members of your own family. He wants your pets to be sidelined/shut away/sent away or if not be at risk of maiming/death and thinks you should be putting his pet as a higher priority than your own. He must be either stupid or massively narcissistic if he can't perceive the disjoint here.

If one of the human members of his family were prone to out-of-control fits of violence which would put members of your family at serious risk of injury or death would you be inviting them all to dinner? I suspect that saying that the non-violent members of the family can come but not the dangerous one would be exactly what would happen if this was a human family member.

No muddied waters. I have dogs. I gave friends with dogs. I do not and would not take my dogs to their houses for five minutes, let alone a couple of days, without discussion and agreement.
Just because someone has a dog, it is not right to assume you have the right to take your dog to their house.
OP - stand firm.

No, no and no! The only dog that someone should assume they could bring is a recognised service dog as everyone would know that they rely on it before issuing an invitation. As pp have pointed out the dog will sense the other animals and will try to go after them and someone may get hurt trying to stop them. The other animals will also sense the dog and will get very stressed especially if they are shut away and can’t escape. Just don’t do it.

Absolutely no way would that dog be in my house. Ever.
Say no, no arguments no compromise, they should have thought it through before taking on a dog that clearly has issues. And I am a dog lover. But I also care about my cat too.

^^ this totally
I am a dog lover and in those circs I'd stay at home with the dog but I would do it calmly and cheerfully and say to the family that they totally understand your POV....actually that would have been my attitude from the get go and I wouldn't even have asked you, just given my apologies. What your idiot Bil hasn't considered is that it will be HORRIBLE for a high prey dog to be on a lead all day surrounded by prey scent and sights in a strange place. He really is a thoughless idiot.

It’s enough that you’ve hosted for 17 years. Get your boundaries in place. Of course these people will be annoyed you’ve put your foot down.
sounds like a DH issue?

Yes. This is obvious from the BiL's comment that "the dog is part of the family".

No it isn't - it's just a dog.

They need to find kennels. If they can find one to take it...

My friend has a similar Eastern European rescue dog. My friend is an experienced dog owner and the dog is actually a lovely dog in general and great with people. However she has a huge prey drive and once she spots prey she has no recall at all. She lunges at cats, runs after squirrels. Also pins down smaller dogs if given the chance (she is only playing but the small dogs don't know that!).

No way would it be appropriate to have your BIL's dog in a house with small animals.