To refuse to host BIL, his family and untrained dog!

It’s not fair on the animals that live in the home to bring a dog like that in for the day. Animals get stressed too.

I wouldn't want these people in my house even if they didn't have a dog.

I wouldn’t want the dog there even if I didn’t have animals .Talk about stress .
I have animals and I fully accept. Can’t always go where I would like . They need to accept the dog was their choice and stay home with it this Xmas .
Tell your dh he is more than welcome to go to bil that your happy with a very quiet Xmas this year of need be .

Are they planning to stay for 2 days? And they want you to put kittens in a room for 2 days? I love animals but I would be absolutely terrified the dog managed to get my pets! That would be a stressful Christmas! You are definitely not being unreasonable! Cheeky sods

Honestly, I feel like they are missing a trick here. Isn't the point of having animals is that you have an excuse NOT to have family gatherings at Christmas. "Do you want to come to ours on Christmas day, Krusty?" "Oh I can't leave the dogs." "Shall we come to you?" "Far too distressing for the dogs, too much excitement." Meanwhile, the dogs are contently snoozing in front of a fire. Admittedly, my family are awful at Christmas, but thanks to the animals I have enjoyed years of cosy Christmas days, just DH and the kids and an assorted menagerie that we love to spend time with, doing exactly what we want to do and no arguments. Bliss.

Stand your ground OP. It's a basic right for you and your pets to feel safe in your own fucking home. How dare your inlaws and your DH make you think otherwise. 'The dog will NOT be crossing the threshold of my home. You are going to have to make plans around this rule because I won't be changing my mind' Repeat this as many times as you need to to your inlaws, your DH and any other twat who tries to tell you what to do in your own home.

This is nuts!

Where is 'somewhere in the middle'? The dog can't come, simple.

He won't settle at yours and I would think kennels would be a nightmare - he'd be abandoned all over again

They need to stay at home

Absolutely don't host them.
Reminds me of the Griswold's cousin's dog.
How stupid.

So why is he upsetting you and potentially his children? Can you imagine if something happened on Christmas Day?? Stay very, very firm

I feel really sorry for that dog. What a miserable existence it's had and they're not helping
I know she's a very different temperament but look up Sophie from Romania and see what lengths you have to go to for dogs rescued from these backgrounds

17 years of hosting is a great stage to change it up.
Bil and sil could host PILs with whatever animals they have. You get a quiet non massacre Christmas. You could go visit PILs on boxing day?

This.

Your BIL and SIL are fuckwits. The arrogance of them telling you to shut your pets away.

Your DH is behaving like a total twat.

Let them find the solution between them. Not a chance they would come to my house with their uncontrolled dog and their entitled attitudes.

We need to normalise telling people like this to fuck off, why do people like your BIL think this is absolutely fine to expect?

Not only have they been imposing as overnight guests for 17 bloody Christmases but now they expect you to welcome their feral Gremlin at the expense or DEATH of your own pets and garden animals?! And then have the temerity to kick up a stink when you tell them what is and isn't happening in YOUR home.

Who are these fuckers and where do they get the audacity?!

How will the dog know it's Christmas ? FFS
They need to get him trained or get him used to going into kennels. Nobody will want chaos at their house.
And who's feeding him ? What if shits all over..doesn't stop barking...upsets your animals .
So I guess that's ok as it's part of their family.
It's admirable of them to get a rescue dog but don't foist it on other people

Of course YANBU. Turns out if you get a manic dog that you don’t train, it is disruptive to your life. Shock! No need for it to disrupt your life too OP - this is very much for BIL and SIL to sort, not your problem.

Instead of staying with you, can BIL and his family stay with your PIL and leave the dog at PIL's for the day while they all visit you for Christmas celebrations?

YANBU - you are welcoming all your relatives round to yours for xmas for 18th year (think most people would deserve a medal for that alone!) your BIL has moved the goal posts not you. I am a dog owner/lover, but would not presume to impose my dog on any family at xmas if not welcome, preferring to stay at home in that scenario.

Why doesn't BIL accept your refusal with good grace and understanding? perhaps the answer lies with your DH who appears to be prepared to bend over backwards to accommodate his brother's dog, even being prepared to banish your own beloved family dog to a kennel on xmas day (I couldn't bear to think of anything worse in your position!). No, you need your DH to 'man up' and accept he cannot have his BIL and family over for xmas this year, unless he finds somewhere else for his new dog to stay (which again i think is impractical and unfair on their dog also). Frankly I would feel on edge whole of Christmas with this large, aggressive dog in my house, especially with your other pets to consider. Good luck getting through to your soft husband.

I think the point that has been made several times is really important, that the street dog will very likely be distressed by the visit, so for your BIL to consider bringing it is not on for that reason alone.
Plus 100%, you are not the baddie @twogreentrees !
Your own pets deserve to be safe, your kittens will be able to sense (smell and hear) the dog so will be distressed, and if the house is full of people the chance of the dog (who will be able to smell/hear the kittens) getting to them is high: it could barge past someone going to see to the kittens....does not bear thinking of: plus your ducks! Prey animals can be aware of signs of a predator in their environment, their home will no longer be a safe space.
Also if the dog is unruly that will be disruptive in itself.
Definitely keep that foot firmly down!

You haven't changed the plans, they are the same as any other year, you have just sensibly asked that they don't bring the dog.

They chose to get a dog like that. They choose not to put it in kennels.

Therefore it is their problem to deal with and not yours. They can't expect you to change everything because they chose to get a big out of control dog.

Also lolling at the dog being "A member of the family". They need to get out more.

I would be so angry with my DH in this situation. Is he normally this jellylike? I would be having a massive row with him over this but I would also be sick to the back teeth of hosting. Seventeen years! You need a medal the size of a manhole cover, not oppositional fuckwittery!

That's truly hilarious @twogreentrees.

Maybe you could send them a lovely folio copy of "the hound of the baskervilles" and a big juicy bone for Christmas and then nail the front door shut? Sounds like it would be far more peaceful.

btw your pets sound lovely. I wish I had ducks.

So a few years ago we got a rescue, he was (and mostly still is) very reactive to dogs and small furries and like your friends dog he also has killed things.
We had some friends down south who have small terriers and they were desperate to meet our dog and basically said come to us for the day and we will put the terriers in the kitchen and our dog can stay in the living room. I wasn't especially happy but after much pleading we went. It was a disaster, our dog was too hyped up knowing there was some other dogs in the house. He spent all afternoon trying to get out the door to the kitchen door hr scratched doors and paintwork. He was so frustrated and stressed. In the end we had to leave and take him for a long walk to get the stress out of him.
Having a reactive dog in a house with other dogs does not work. The reactive dog will not settle and it will constantly pace and try to get out doors. Honestly it would be a disaster.