To refuse to host BIL, his family and untrained dog!

A human who cannot or will not train their dog should not own one.
Stand your ground OP. I'd report them to the RSPCA or police if they carry on, they are in charge of a dangerous animal..

Words of wisdom here.

Definitely not unreasonable. We have 2 small dogs and MIL requests most years for the dogs to stay at home. This year I am hosting and I have asked my sister to leave her puppy dalamation at home because I do not want the extra stress.

You are the hostee, your house, your rules and plus your pets need to be kept safe. You don't need to explain yourself just stand your ground and if they aren't happy about it; they'll have to stay home with their dog! Simple.

I also understand how it feels being asked to leave your dog at home and I've also been upset by it but deep down I do understand. Everyone's dog are their babies and easy to take it offensive but I'm sure if it was the other way round they would do the same!!

I am very much a dog person, but your BIL and DH are being completely unreasonable.
I wonder what you can do or say to make them realise this? How very frustrating…
Definitely stand your ground!

As an owner of 3 large dogs and having rescued very many large dogs - Absolutely no way should this dog be taken to anyone's house until your BIL pays for behavioural training. If he doesn't do this - He shouldn't have the dog and RSPCA should be informed that this dog is a danger. It could kill someone if it is that big and out of control. It doesn't sound like your BIL is doing the right thing by this poor dog. It will destroy your house, animals, and could endanger you all.

Oh it will. People seem to enjoy having reactive dogs from overseas. I don't know why, it doesn't seem like fun to me.

It won't curtail their social life because dogs are allowed everywhere (except the OP's house, very reasonably).

Or it will have attacked one of the children and been PTS.

I've also no idea why people feel it's better to upset their immediate family than more distant family.

This ⬆️

OP, please update us if/when they turn up with the dog on Xmas day despite what you've said; I'm oddly invested now 😂

@Lindjam The children are teenagers not little children excited by Santa and his magic elves bringing presents ! Bil is a dick ( I'm sure the "children" are old enough to know that already )

Personally I’d hate to have to turn children away on Christmas Day, although I definitely would in this situation.

I have a real aversion to that kind of drama. I would prefer to make absolutely sure I knew what BIL and uncontrollable dog planned to do. As it stands does OP know if they are staying home with dog? Coming without (tbh I wouldn’t want that either!) or something else?

I also wouldn’t want to cater for that many additional people who might not be coming.

I agree with you BIL is a cheeky fucker. I wouldn’t be welcoming them at all.

I am betting that by this time next year, the dog will no longer be with them. Its the usual end to this kind of story

Apparently I am ruining Christmas for their children

No, they are ruining Christmas for their children. The dog is their responsibility, not yours.

They should have thought of this before getting a dog.

Why can't they consider kennels or a dog sitter? Although, I imagine that all kennels and sitters would be booked up by now.

What?! Why is it "dicey"?
Op has said no for valid reasons.
She's not the local brewers fayre she's not taking bookings it's her home and her Xmas.
"can cater" 😂
The brother in law has plenty of time to make different arrangements

But surely that's on the cf bil?
The op is already "ruining his Xmas," why turn up?
I feel for op, I think we have been harsh to her husband he is stuck between ppl he loves and love him.
Very few ppl in real like would be as forthright as they are on here.

@twogreentrees I hope you get the Christmas you want.

I'd do nothing yet. There's another month. If they arrive with dog the dog isn't allowed in. I doubt they'd do that as you've been firm and the OP likes them enough to invite them every year when she could have refused before now. Their children will have the other set of grandparents and another side of the family they could see for a change

Of course you can't host them. I can't imagine why anyone would think it's a reasonable request 🤦‍♀️

There's no grey area in this case. The OP's dog is not - so far as I am aware - predatory and untrained, whereas the BIL's dog is.

Besides, the OP's dog belongs to the household. The OP has the right to decide whether she feels comfortable adding any other animal to the mix.

I am fairly certain they will turn up with children and dog in tow.

It really is very dicey to just leave it like this. Obviously they need to confirm attendance so you can cater.

I would probably assume they aren’t coming.

The guests don’t get to call the shots, your house, your rules.
Good on you for standing your ground.
Can BIL & co stay over at in laws and leave dog there during the day?

You're completely in the right here, and I say that as a dog owner myself. And prepare to have the same battle next year, unless they've realised that they need to find a responsible solution themselves by then.

Of course YANBU OP, and I'm glad to hear you won't be backing down because that sounds like a recipe for a horribly stressful day for you!

My dog is a massive dickhead highly reactive with other dogs due to an incident that was no fault of his. We occasionally invite a family member to visit with their little dog because my children like the dog, and ours goes upstairs into a bedroom (in his crate) for the duration of the visit. Even knowing our dog is securely in his crate, and having chosen to invite the visiting dog entirely of my own volition, I'm anxious and on edge the whole time worrying about him accidentally being allowed out. Spending your entire Christmas Day worrying about various animals around a dog which you didn't want there in the first place would be horribly stressful

My money is on "yes"

Are they likely to just turn up regardless?

Apparently I am ruining Christmas for their children

If anyone said that to me, I wouldn’t be hosting them ever again! 17 years of hosting-they can cook their own bloody Christmas dinner for once. Enjoy Christmas with your kittens!

What are you going to do, @twogreentrees 99% of people have voted YANBU…

My MIL has an untrained, bitey dog. Over the years, she has asked to come for a visit, but insists she has to bring the dog. At one point, my DH was trying to keep the peace and try to make it work. I told him that I would immediately call animal control if her dog bit any of us, especially one of my kids. I’m pretty sure her dog isn’t up on its shots either. After that, my DH stopped trying to figure out a solution and just told her that the dog isn’t welcome at ours. When we visit her, we meet her somewhere away from her home because of the dog.