That DH needs to lower his gift expectations?

The best thing to get him would be an 'ego' injection.

Get some of his overly large one removed.

Well you’ve gone and got yourself an absolute man child haven’t you ? If you made so much of an effort last year and got that utterly shitty comment in return he can whistle this year. How much of an effort does he make for your birthday ? And waltzing off abroad while you sort the kids is less than impressive too. I would be asking him to lower his expectations all round, because the way things are, your expectations of staying married to him for very much longer are not high.

If DH behaved like that, never mind gift expectations, I'd be asking him to lower his expectations of me continuing to be married to him and would be presenting him with divorce papers.

Damn - I’d be surfing Temu for tasteless tat with that attitude. Maybe a gear stick fluffy hoodie cover? A sequin steering wheel cover? What an entitled git.

He needs to grow up.
Is he 5?

This is ridiculous OP. You did make an effort, you already have enough on your plate yet you spend time trying to please him and find presents he'll appreciate, and he complains!? He's bloody rude, selfish and uncaring. Even if you don't like a present, you don't complain and moan - what a piece of work. I'd even worry he might just enjoy making you feel you're never good enough to keep you on your toes. But at best he's deeply spoilt and thoughtless.

Like some PPs I'd be telling him you DID make an effort, and what he got was plenty for someone who doesn't need anything, so from now on you're making a rule that xmas is about the kids and you and him can have a £10 limit for presents for each other. A well-chosen book, the person's favourite chocolates or a lovely piece of pottery can mean much more than all the luxury goods you can throw £250 or more at, if you care about a person and know their taste. I'd much, much rather have a small present given with love, than all this pointless splurging and complaining.

If he doesn't like it, so what? The bloke moans anyway, nothing to lose.

Go for thoughtful and effort rather than expense. Then if he moans you can point out how unreasonable he is.

Bake a cake with the kids or buy a shop bought cake and get them to decorate it.

Get the kids to paint a card.

Goto a paint your own pottery place. Many do photo frames or mugs. Let the kids paint and then get the staff or you write on it neatly with a best daddy type text. Or get their hand prints

If a photo frame can you book a mini session for some nice kids photos? Many photographers do them this time of year for not loads of money.

Cook him his favourite meal. As obviously he's eaten out loads being away so would obviously enjoy home cooking more.

You’re backed into a corner with birthday and Christmas and that he buys himself anything he wants when he sees it. There is literally nothing you can buy him.
It isn’t your fault he was born in December. The fact that I was born close to Christmas isn’t a reason for me to give my husband a hard time.
His disappointment is making you stressed. Perhaps that’s what he likes - knowing you’re going through anguish elevates his status in your eyes. His random list for about £150 is incidental as you sense.
I’d be tempted to keep away from purchases except for buying a cake to save you time and
effort. Reinvent his birthday celebration as none of you can continue like this. Next month make it a family-centred day of time together with a home-made card from the children. You and the children should be all he needs to make him feel special. People, not parcels, are important in life.
If that doesn’t suit, you have his measure and should justifiably point it out. Stop being his whipping boy.

i wouldn’t have the patience for such ridiculous immature behaviour. He’s a grown man not a child! You’ve already said if he wants something he buys it.

Present from the children - Should be sentimental not expensive. A homemade card, a picture made from handprints dipped in paint. A key ring with We love daddy on it or a leather belt with We love you daddy stitched on the inside.

If money isn’t a problem then I’d stop with the pile of presents, ask your mum to have the children for a weekend and book a surprise weekend away.

And if he critiques your efforts again I would be telling him he’s a spoiled, immature, entitled dick and needs to grow up. He has children now it’s time to be a grown up and shift the focus on to them.

£250 is a lot of money on one person - it’s more like a budget for 2-3 people for Christmas or Birthday

That's odd, why would you return gifts like that?

Assuming they fitted you, why would you want to return them? I'd feel a bit offended if I was the present getter. I'd never buy expensive things for myself but would definitely use those items if someone else bought them for me.

Leather gloves are a god send in winter, even just for driving when the steering wheel is cold!

all of this nonsense can be avoided if he acts like an adult and gives you a proper list of things he actually needs rather than picking something/anything for the sake of it. we all do this for family birthdays and christmas. it means people get what they actually want, its less stressful and so is a win/win.

Do you have a Gullivers or a wildlife park or similar near you? Buy him an annual family pass so he can get to spend quality time with you and the kids.
Presents from the kids - I agree, get them to make or choose something or do him one of those personalised desk calendars with photos of them

My late dh and I agreed not to buy each other presents- used the money on things for the home, holidays etc. much easier than buying for the sake of buying.

He sounds like a complete arsehole.

I'm trying to imagine how I would react if my DH gave me a list of criticisms after his birthday.

Nope, just can't imagine him doing it. But then my DH is a nice man.

Send him clay pigeon shooting. Or if he shoots already then a simulated game day is a good gift - they are bloody good fun and held in summer when there isn't much other shooting happening. Dyson run brilliant sim days near us in Lincolnshire.

I don't know how the man has the nerve to day he is disappointed after all the obvious effort you put in to his birthday.

Most people don't have half of what he got on their birthdays. Nor do they make a big thing out of birthdays as they get older.

He sounds like a big kid, that would annoy me.

My birthday is next month and I will quite happy with whatever I am given.

Your man needs a wake up call!

I'm going to go against the grain a bit here - beer mugs and signs for sheds are very generic "man" gifts and I think if a woman posted that she was upset because she got soap and smellies from her DH and nothing from her kids, people wouldn't be telling her she was being a selfish child.

I also think it's monumentally cheeky to refer to his works night out as part of his present - and again if the roles were reversed, the man would be getting called all sorts of things.

That said, I think £250 is a lot of money but maybe it could be better spent. Shirts and beer mugs are all well and good but maybe he would prefer an experience, or a day out, or something a bit more personalised to him.

I don't get this kind of present-buying among married people. Surely if you are married, all your assets are basically in common anyway? And isn't it a bit odd for an adult to make such a tremendous fuss about their birthday? He's not a small kid.

We just go out together for a nice lunch and then maybe get some chocolates for the family to share; most people I know do a variant of this.

I agree with PPs that you need to have a talk with him and find out what is behind this obsession with birthdays and presents.

A full day trip out for just him and the kids one weekend whilst you have a well deserved break.

What a knob

https://hoorayheroes.co.uk Bought my husband one of these books a few years ago and he loved it.

Buy him tickets for something like a panto from the kids......you can all have a nice time....add in something small he can wear to the event / is connected to it just for him.

It sounds like the issues go way beyond the gift list. He doesn’t seem to realise the value you bring to the family as primary caregiver to your children and only seems to value what you can materially give him. That would be a massive disappointment TO ME. That my worth to him is based on just what I might buy him - doesn’t he value actually spending time with his family or just want to pose with the kids with his expensive clothes and his “top dad” glass? Sounds really shallow and quite dim actually when you’re a stay at home mum with presumably not a lot of disposable income.

This is absolutely ridiculous! Me and H have no money and we have an agreement not to get each other birthday and Xmas presents, I was overjoyed on my bday when he had chosen and bought me a moonpig card. We’re a 30 year old couple and don’t need hundreds spent on each other!

Thats really ungrateful that you returned them.... And so mercenary as you no doubt then kept the money they cost? You need to have a proper conversation with your partner about expectations because it sounds like you are quite incompatible as he likes a few treats and luxury brands whereas you'd prefer to be frugal