That DH needs to lower his gift expectations?

What a big baby. I cannot understand why adults behave like this about birthdays. Doesn't solve your problem, sorry. He should be happy with a family day out and a birthday cake.

Was he not loved enough as a child? Last year would have been it for me with him complaining. Don't let your children act like this.

You have quite different gifting styles. He is more materialistic than you. Having enough of something doesn’t mean he doesn’t want more.

For example, he may have a couple of Schoffel gilets at home, but he would still appreciate one in this season’s colour.

The homemade gifts from the kids being suggested here will only wind him up and then the kids will sense his disappointment and that’s not fair on them.

I’d buy from the list he gave you - it doesn’t really matter whether you think he ‘needs’ any of it. Birthdays are about what we want not what we need.

So in that sense, he also needs to understand what you want for your birthday. He wants expensive things so you give him that. You want family experiences so he organises a weekend to Disneyland or whatever.

As an aside, looking after the kids while he goes on work trips to provide for the family isn’t giving him a gift or doing him a favour. While he’s away doing his job, you’re at home doing your job.

But there was effort;

Bought £250 worth of gifts
Made a cake
Organised a night away

What more does he need/how much more effort should OP have put in?

I’m surprised by the majority of these responses.

If I was working hard so my DH didn’t have to work and was able to still have a decent lifestyle, then yes I would want a bit of effort on my birthday.
(I think it should be reciprocated also).

A works do is not effort and I would be annoyed that my DH said this was part of my birthday treat.

I would like an experience eg a meal out or cinema trip and a thoughtful present from my DH and kids.

It seems this relationship is quite transactional and the gifts may be expensive but there is no thought or love behind them.

Nah fuck him, if he makes no effort for you, why should you do that for him??

At that age, more for the 4 year old but with a bit of guidance also the 2 year old, I’d take them to somewhere like Next or wherever DH likes to shop and let them go and pick it themselves. It’ll probably be random and unwanted but gets the kids into the idea of thinking about others when picking gifts, has a personal element and saves you the brain space of thinking of something.

A grown man who made a massive hoohah about his birthday would really turn me off. Most men are lucky to get a pair of socks and a pack of beer. He sounds like a child.

He's being completely unreasonable. Does he like to show it all off on social media or something? Otherwise I'm at a loss why an adult man with a mortgage, wife and children would be like this. I hate buying things unnecessarily, spending thousands at Christmas in a wasteful way when you need to save for a bigger house is madness. This might actually be a dealbreaker for me, I really feel bad for you.

Take kids to Pottery Cafe and get them to decorate plate/mug.
Or, look at Not on the High St for personalise kids, or look at the Merci Maman website for nice cufflinks etc 'from them'- https://www.mercimamanboutique.com/en/personalised-jewellery-gifts-for-him?_gl=11ah6lvj_upMQ.._gs*MQ..&gclid=Cj0KCQiAgJa6BhCOARIsAMiL7V88mTboh4YcUb7ip4dWyQnXgIK94tCSVEILrU5RAekxSLDK-G1__7AaApmREALw_wcB

But he sounds absolutely awful. My husband and i get each other token gifts, or a slightly nicer version of what we need anyway (eg dressing gown/ski anorak), and then go out for dinner or to watch a show / cinema. That's it. We barely even celebrate to be honest. I couldn't care less if he gets me anything, we have a joint account so his money is my money and if i want somethign i will get it - and i don't like wasting my money.
He sounds childish selfish and profligate. And even if he was disappointed, can't believe he had the nerve to tell you. Good luck. Just hope he gets you absolutely AMAZING stuff.

Maybe you should just cut out the middle man and let him buy his own presents! It seems a bit pointless if you're not earning your own money.

Jesus we did dinner and some small gifts for DH’s birthday last year, also near Christmas, and he loved it. I chose a nice restaurant we had some cocktails and the few gifts he got didn’t cost much but were useful to him. He was really grateful, as would any normal person be when their partner has very obviously made an effort.

he sounds like a spoilt brat - was he spoiled growing up

He sounds a bit pathetic really, but I would go experiences over gifts. Buy what he’s sent as suggestions (hold something back for Christmas), then little treats (beer, chocolates, vintage sweets from childhood). Then organise the kids bringing him coffee and breakfast in bed (or at the table if he’s not a lie in person). Kids can make him cards, wrap all presents (badly), kids help decorate the house. If he wants to go out, organise a night out with friends (you stay home, friends can buy him drinks), or plan a special meal at home for after the kids go to bed. More stuff to do than stuff to have.

He does sound ungrateful but in terms of a gift from the kids - how about them painting a ceramic tile which you can get glazed for him to use as a coaster?

And yes gifts from kids should be craft sets to spend the day making together. So maybe a scrapbook kit , print out a big wad of nice photos of you all in advance and buy some pretty embellishments to stick in together. That sort of thing.

And then as he works away travel toiletries sets, socks etc things he can pack in his suitcase.

Christ, what an ungrateful bastard.

That is all.

You did tons for his birthday last year he was being ungrateful.

if he needs nothing and also complained about that lovely day I would stick to the basics. So a day with your and the children so either a party type lunch at home and a homemade birthday cake (girls can make it) and a tiny present from each of them then a nice walk. Or book an afternoon tea out for all four of you and once again a small gift from each of them.

This is what it sounds like.
Suggestions: Adopt him a donkey. He can visit.
Whole list of charities with their wish lists https://givetoday.co.uk/donate/
Feed several children every school day for a year with Mary’s Meals
https://www.marysmeals.org.uk/campaigns/double-the-love?gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAoyxFZO9nZhHrQtymDjcASZs_gCJk&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIhLiWnZD6iQMVTZVQBh1r6Dp7EAAYASAAEgKnDvD_BwE

Donate food, clothes to the people of Ukraine.

they’ll all be a lot more grateful than your husband.

He sounds like a ridiculous man baby. But here are some things you can get him “from the kids”:

https://loanya-jewelry.com/products/child-drawing-necklace?variant=39713832599757&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAABJbVpcqJeFKkah1swwuBcrDBd4YE&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIveHJjpD6iQMVrqNQBh2ZAzGDEAQYAiABEgL3kPD_BwE

https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1793979988/best-dad-ever-pajama-pants-with-faces?gpla=1&gao=1&&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_uk_en_gb_b-clothing&utm_custom1=k_EAIaIQobChMI8MaIwI_6iQMVY5RQBh17DiFnEAQYASABEgKRNvD_BwE_k&utm_content=go_21626258762_167456381978_710839154830_pla-360912201277_m__1793979988engb_102858184&utm_custom2=21626258762&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADutTMczFV0vBEzvtwbOAKVfXE1to&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI8MaIwI_6iQMVY5RQBh17DiFnEAQYASABEgKRNvD_BwE

https://www.notonthehighstreet.com/brickbybrick23/product/personalised-daddy-and-me-lego-brick-photo-block?cq_src=google_ads&cq_cmp=21898727721&cq_term=&cq_plac=&cq_net=x&cq_plt=gp&DGMKT=FID__TID__PID_1375251_CRI_&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADPgpfUieeq-RQoA8sSO_nZrFyX8p&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI6deM2o_6iQMV5ZNQBh1VQR2gEAQYASABEgKdbfD_BwE

https://fab-bricks.com/fathers-day/

https://www.johnlewis.com/emma-bridgewater-blue-star-daddy-half-pint-mug-300ml-cream-blue/p6415885?s_ppc=2dx_mixed_home_BAU&tmad=c&tmcampid=2&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAD2el1xnNk-_5IxQENa48va3H2-3K&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIwomO_Y_6iQMV95hQBh0CJwL1EAQYASABEgIRHfD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Does he buy you stuff “from the kids?”

Is he weaponising his birthday?

He sounds unhappy.

He is pushing you to buy gifts he doesn't need while you perform the 'pick me' dance.

Have a 100% honest conversation.

Personally I'd sack the peacock off.

Like lots of posters have said there are several issues here but you don't sound like you want to focus on them. For the question you have asked I would get socks and a photo of the kids in a small frame that he can take with him when he is travelling.

You do seem to be frustrated with his working away and you having to pick up the slack but then as a sahm isn't that what you signed up for when he is away? I'd be more inclined to look for a job and have a serious discussion about how well his job works for your family. What's the post of him being the sole earner when you feel aggrieved at the time he spends away and he does by a perceived lack of getting treated because he's working hard earning money? You both feel hard done by for different reasons.

I do like celebrating my birthday and I disagree with posters that say birthdays are just for kids. My dh is well aware and whilst I couldn't care less about expensive presents I value the thought he puts into making the day special for me.

I get a craft kit - it’s a gift and an afternoon activity for us. This year I brought a children’s marbling kit and we’ll make marbled Christmas ornaments. Apparently it’s possible to do with old nail polish but that sounded stressful!

or - any of those ‘custom printing’ places - if the art is quite abstract (which it will be at that age) you can do nice shopping bags or tea towels that don’t immediately scream a small child made this… or just go for the small child art look. At least it’s a practical gift !

Gross what a pathetic man. My 8yo has a better attitude than him.

I used to bake a cake with the kid's "help" & they would decorate it!

I agree that something he can do with the kids sounds a good idea.

Preferably a few times & without Op!

we had a night out/ hotel for his work whilst mum babysat (all for him, I was extremely bored and just stood there whilst they all talked work). This was also on the back of he had a week away for a work trip to America and I solo parented the kids.

These were work events though and not actually for his birthday.

So apart from baking a cake what did you do for his actual birthday?

I would absolutely love to go for work trips away and I of course don’t know what his job is, but I imagine he did get done down time.

However, you seem quite resentful that he goes away on these trips whilst you look after the kids but surely that’s part of your ‘job’.
I assume that if he was to not go on these work trips and get a different job, you would be unable to be a SAHM and need to get a job too.

So if I was you I would be considering whether you have had enough of being a SAHP and want your own career, in which case he’s going to have to do more childcare or if you’re happy with being a SAHM and you need to let go of the resentment you have, perhaps by having some more you time when he is home.

I would explicitly ask him what he wants.

Does he want expensive gifts, does he want thoughtful gifts or does he want experiences.

I personally would be pretty annoyed if my DH claimed that my works do was part of my birthday present.

I don’t enjoy expensive gifts but I enjoy thoughtful gifts/experiences instead.