That DH needs to lower his gift expectations?

He's like a child! I doubt if anything you come up with will be enough, so buy him whatever on his list seems the least pointless. Get the kids to make him lovely cards and buy his favourite aftershave or drink of whatever.
Then when the two of you are alone and have time, have a serious talk with him about what this is really about, because his longing to be celebrated sounds quite out of control. Does he fear that you don't love him?

The ultimate gift for a man child - divorce papers! Sorted.

@Nespressso that is such an unattractive quality in an adult.
If you want something particular and can afford it, buy it. Don't be a sulky twat about it.
No adult needs a present
Your husband sounds ridiculous.

A kick up the arse

I got my DP https://faceboxer.co.uk/1709198471236/checkouts/c2c4a67486e888d373e8b1e7c2f1a365?buyScence=cart&spb=true&spbSeq=0RC58582FN728221T one pair my face, one Dc1, one the cat. I also did a board book photo book from DC titled “DC1 &Daddy” he loves it. Matching T-shirts? PJs? Christmas outfits? But I’d also have a chat and see if you can get a common ground you’re both happy with as it sounds like you hate it all think unnecessary and he isn’t happy with current efforts

Or a cheaper option - have him sit for the children to paint his portrait?

Sorted it for you… hopefully he’ll get the message.

He is completely unreasonable to be disappointed by expensive presents, going out and a home baked cake!!! He sounds like a spoiled brat. My DH is weird over presents and always seems underwhelmed/ doesn't say an adequate thank you, but his whole family seem to not understand the ritual of present giving. I resolved it quite early on by saying "I put a lot of thought into getting your presents, you seem very ungrateful, I'm going to be getting something much smaller (cheaper) from now on, and you will be grateful for it." Or words to that ilk. He is actually a lovely man but he has his quirks.

You could get him a framed photo of himself, or a sitting at a portrait painter to have himself painted. Or a big mirror. Or all three.

And an electrically heated big sock.

I bet quite a few wives on here would be disappointed if their husband bought them a couple of fancy work tops and told them that a night in a hotel after the works do was their birthday night away.

The night away was part of a works do - that cannot be counted as part of his birthday.

The cake was a lovely idea.

The gifts were nice but I wouldn’t say they were thoughtful, and no different to what they’d buy themselves on a normal day.

I would have personally got a couple of thoughtful gifts and then booked something like a hotel or just a meal out.

Take kids to a discount store where there are lots of options of things for not very much money (eg B&M or similar) and tell the kids to each choose a present for daddy and let them loose. Yeah he will get random stuff, but at least it's random stuff the kids chose.

Either make him something from the kids or give them £10 each and let them lose in some shop to do their part. Then buy him a bungee jump experience 😆

He sounds like a child .....does he treat you on your birthday ? When did you have a month's holiday?

I think @PhoenixFireBum24 summed it up- t shirt with best STXH on it-

OP he's a grade A twat and doesn't deserve you

Ask your 4 year old what to get him and then buy it - especially as it’s his money (I don’t mean that to sound negative in any way, honestly, and I know SAHM are equal in relationships/ families /households in terms of keeping things together etc, just that if he’s moaning about not getting anything from them, give them free range while he is essentially the only one paying for it while you’re SAHM).

Gifts were shirts, golf bits and beer glasses - quite boring ie not much effort.
Made a cake - the amount of effort depends on the cake - Victoria sandwich whipped up in a few minutes is very little effort, 4 layer cake beautifully iced and decorated is loads of effort.
The night away was so they could go to his works do, hardly something special for his birthday.
Although he expressed it wrongly and unkindly, it's possible to see why he was disappointed if he really wanted OP to make an effort.

Going against the tide and he shouldn't have been mean, but some people like to celebrate their birthday. If he's someone you love, then surely you go over the top to make him happy. If he's in a well paying job, he probably sees no issue in spending £500. It may be the opposite of you, but you do these things for people you love.

I think you both need to talk about it, but yes. He does deserve more of a fuss. And so do you.

if you want to give him a night away and Christmas burns through babysitting - make a reservation for January and have grandparents lined up. Same for a dinner out if that’s better. And do a family day out somewhere not Christmassy for him in December. And a homemade cake.

For his gifts, last year they were one and 3. Let him know you were too frazzled last year but you’re really putting a lot of work in and researching good ideas. Have the kids make or buy something. From you, get something luxury like a cologne or scarf or jewellery with your 150, not a bunch of sale shirts. He’s showed you with your birthday that’s what he thinks is special.

2 months before YOUR birthday, talk to him about what you would enjoy. I’d want 150 and 3 hours child free to get new clothes, but he gets child free time and work clothes. I’d also want a book or a cheap surprise. Or something for the house (air purifier is what I want for Christmas) And it sounds like you’re the same.

2 days removed from birthdays or birthday talk about the work events and stuff. It isn’t working. He has no clue how much more support you need. Maybe a babysitter a few nights a week. Maybe a cleaner. Maybe a routine when he’s home that gives you a chance to breathe.

It sounds like he’s in a job that’s probably high paid and he sees the finances differently than you do. You need to be on the same page for that too. I was stressing out and not buying myself shoes for ages. My partner pointed out it’s 2 of his work lunches.

Eww that's such an unattractive quality in a person and very childlike. I'd tell him to grow the eff up. Was he spoilt as a child?

I think this sounds really stressful and I am sorry that that is the birthday expectation. As a thought for the children to give as a gift, have you got a paint your own pottery place nearby? That way they could each personalise a cup or plate or decoration and that’s a gift that he might like from them? Alternatively, get a blank canvas, get them to create a picture on it and then gift that?

He sounds oddly childish about this. Children love birthdays because their wants are usually achieveable. He is never going to be satisfied because - as an adult - his heart's desires are not available to a birthday shopper.

Go with the child part of him:

-Get the kids to choose something that he can play with them.
Authentic choices are always memorable!

-You buy sponsorship of a creature you can all visit local wildlife park/zoo/rescue centre. You can all visit Dad's inner animal and enjoy watching the simple things that make that version of him happy.

I don't really get what a work trip and a work function have to do with his birthday? That's not a celebration.
He's telling you her likes nice presents for his birthday and you can afford them I don't see why it's an issue.
I prefer experiences so DH tends to plan something, theatre tickets, restaurant I want to try out, weekend away (not for work)

Urgh. He's given me the ick.

He works away at times, you have the kids 2 and 4 an awful lot, I felt a tightening-below when you said 'golf'.

From the two year old I would get a bib with 'My Big Brother' on it, and from the four year old a training beaker with 'Mummy's Little Boy', the penny might just drop.