That DH needs to lower his gift expectations?

Your husband sounds like a large knobhead to be quite honest.

You could give that cunt the earth he would still find a reason to take it out on you

Photo books or frame from the kids.

I think he sounds really ungrateful!

'Sahm with no income'? So whose career are you propping up whilst you look after their kids?

Christ almighty. He sounds like a spoilt child.

I'm quite spiteful so a present from the kids would involve saving ALL recycling (and rubbish) and getting them to build a Wickerman sized model of their beloved dad.

All of that is the absolute opposite of what he’s want for his birthday. To be given a thoughtless gift is worse than not being given one at all.

I agree. Make it a family gift to do something. He may be disappointed but it sounds like he will be whatever you give him. At least he can spend time with them.

My DH don't really do presents any more because we're both difficult to buy for and have been together for years - we arrange something special for milestone birthdays, but otherwise try to spend the day together doing something the birthday person enjoys, and the non-birthday person pays for that and pays for nice dinner and drinks in the evening. That's the gift tbh. We haven't done Christmas or anniversary presents for years either - for these we go halves on a trip and just enjoy being together. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'd still make an effort - bake a cake and take him out, but just tell him that things are tight, and if he kicks off remind him a) he's a grown man and b) he married you for richer or poorer.

After Christmas, you couldd broach the subject of having a pared-back 2025. See if you can make it into a challenge that doesn't involve buying gifts, more about spending time together. You could express how spending thousands on Christmas is making you feel.

I think Christmases go a bit far now. I came from a relatively skint family, but Christmas was always one "main" present (eg CD player) and some smaller ones (smellies, new pyjamas, nice chocolates, some books, stocking fillers, and sometimes something mad my mum bought in a panic that was from Argos).

Man baby alert.

You do all the slogging and heavy lifting at home while he literally dines out and has no responsibilities for any of it most of the time, and then moans that you don't spend money you don't have pampering him when he is.

What ?!?!
You are joking right?!

One of his specific criticisms was I didn’t get him anything from the kids (they are 4&2)

You should get him a gift from the children, even something small. But the other things he expects are ridiculous - you did plenty for him last year.

Not sure you should start complaining now when you are a beneficiary of these finances!

Get him a naice RL scarf or maybe a Gucci wallet/cuff links and RL polo shirt or Gucci Belt

Mirror what he does for your birthday. If you can’t remember ask him.
and from the kids… let them lose in a toy shop or somewhere like tiger tiger and let them choose… can’t get more “from the kids” than that. OH has received! Playmobil, Lego, cuddly toys…. He first need it and kids are happy

Urgh. Sounds like my man child brother in law who likes to have a "birthday month" 🤢🤦‍♀️🙄🤮and throws tantrums.

@Nespressso you could print of this thread for him

You need to sit down and tell him exactly how you feel!
Tell him you're fed up of the gift expectations and this year he'll be getting one gift from you. He doesn't need to make a list, because you'll not be reading it. Tell him you're happy to do the same at your birthday.

What did he want you to do?

Get the kids to do a card and make a cake for him.

He sounds about the right age mentally to have a gift set of lynx Africa and a new game for his Xbox!

The kids one is easy - take them to B and M/poundland or a corner shop and get them to choose Daddy some sweets or anything they want for Daddy in Poundland

And a really badly drawn card and then you're fine

I'd be getting him some joke presents.
We got DC Personalized Picture Magic Reversible Custom Throw Pillowcase, DIY Design Sequin Pictures Photos,
You brush the sequins and it reveals a picture. We put a really silly picture from DCs fav comedy programme and they and their friends loved it.

On a more serious note OP.
You are a SAHM with no income, and you say DH is a bit of a spendthrift, impressed by expensive presents and guestures. I bet you are also entirely responsible for christmas! Wracking your brains and running around to try to find presents for his parents, siblings and their children and get given marks out of ten for that too.
I think you need to address this. You need to be careful because it sounds like It sounds like the balance of power has really shifted and he thinks he is the Big I AM because he is the wage earner and you have to "make up" for your lack of income by going all out to putting on extra fantastic birthday celebrations to praise him with great praise, and as your "employer" he is entitled to give you marks out of 10 for effort and say "hmm.. I don't think that you put enough effort into praising me there."
He's working away all the time - a month away whilst you look after the kids SOLO????
You need to financially protect yourself. I hope he hasn't said that old line about how Child Benefit is not worth claiming because it affects his taxes.
It carries NI, which is vital for your pension when you are older. Make sure you apply.
Why do you personally have no income? .. you should have an allowance and you should be able to build up some personal savings. Because You are working! You are enabling him to climb up the ladder in his career because you look after everything at home and are bringing up 3 children for him. How else can he work abroad for a month or going out on jollys. try getting some quotes for cleaners, nannies and housekeepers to see how much monetary value he could be placing on your contribution. You are not slave labour!
Seriously consider getting back into the world of work part time, when Childcare dutys allow. You will be glad you didn't leave a very long gap when the DC are teens or push off to uni.

He has the attitude that he brings home the bacon and at the same time puts a high value on expensive gifts. Talk that through with him and make sure he sees the value in your contribution to the family too (your Salary sacrifice if nothing else!) There is a danger that he could start taking your role in this partnership for granted. So give him a wake up call.

What an ungrateful entitled knob your 'd'h is

💯

I feel like the phrase 'hard work' was invented to describe your dh.

Has he ever parented the dc on his own? Does he know how difficult and exhausting it is look after young dc on your own for weeks on end. He sounds like he doesn't know he was born.

Get your dc to make him tokens with promises he can redeem such 'a weekend of daddy dc time' and then leave him alone with them for a weekend away on your own or with friends.

"last year I spent about £250 on his birthday, mainly on nice/ considered shirts - from Barbour and schoffel (in Black Friday sale), some golf bits, fancy beer glass etc
baked a cake, we had a night out/ hotel for his work whilst mum babysat (all for him, I was extremely bored and just stood there whilst they all talked work). This was also on the back of he had a week away for a work trip to America and I solo parented the kids.
afterwards told me how disappointed he was I didn’t make an effort for his birthday."

I think you need to raise your expectations on what a decent husband is, he sounds like a complete prick.